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Something has been wrong with you for a long time.

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FauxLiz

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That is what my dad told me last night. I am leaving next week to go inpatient and as much as I struggled with telling anyone in my family what I am doing I couldn't shake my mother's voice in my head telling me that I needed to let someone know where I would be in case of an emergency. My t had tried to convince me that having my adult daughter and near adult son know the information was enough but I didn't listen.

I didn't tell him much I explained that it was a specialized treatment facility and that I had been diagnosed with ptsd. He asked what caused it and I was firm that I was not ready to discuss that and then out of no where instead of support or empathy he said. It's about time something has been wrong with you for a long time. I really don't know what to make of that statement. I know that now I regret telling him anything. I don't know how to go back to the less than perfect relationship we had before this. I am so hurt that anyone would say something like that let alone a family member.
 
I am so sorry that was his response. I understand how that must hurt. I think at this point just concentrate on getting yourself to this inpatient stay and take care of you. It sucks, but I have learned I cannot expect others to understand. I so hope that this is a great experience for you and very helpful as you head off for inpatient.
 
Hi @FauxLiz.... I would just take what you're dad said with a pinch of salt... What I mean is don't listen to his inappropriate comment.

You're taking care of you now and that's so important...... Well done for being brave. Alot of people never deal with their problems...

There is nothing wrong with you, OK.... Nothing... I would just leave it and not mention it again to your father... Especially if he can be nasty...

Good luck with your treatment, I'm sure it isn't going to be easy... But it will be in the end. Take care and hugs
 
If I was you in your place and I heard that knowing I was about to enter treatment for myself, of course I would feel hurt feelings and also being caught off guard as that was a really insensitive thing to say when You are feeling so vulnerable.

I would keep my distance from him and deal with the hurt feelings in a appropriate way by expressing exactly how I feel and allow the feelings to slowly pass away. I would leave a message with my therapist and tell her what happened.

I would never allow him to be able to say any more comments to you until you have recieved your treatment and go to that knowing you are doing the best you can right now and do a lot of self comforting and self care until you find your center, and are calm and in a better place for yourself.

People can be very unpredictable in the things they say and you do have to realize eventually that this says more about him and has nothing to do with you and how you are right now.

I am sorry this happened to you right now especially. Many times in my life I have unwittingly set myself up for things like this to happen to me and I had the unexpected painful consequences to deal with afterwards and so try not to be hard on yourself for making this mistake one you will not be making again with him.

You may even feel anger at him for saying such a thing to you when you needed some good healthy support and you have learned that he does not have this capicity to offer good healthy support to you and you will set boundaries to prevent this from happening with him again of that I am quite sure.

Eventually after you have worked through this situation you may get some realizations and possible make some connections to previous comments he has made to you or to others. I wish you the best in your treatment and hope that you become stronger as a result of this good commitment to yourself and guard yourself from more of the same in the future.

Now you understand that this is a learning experience for you and going through it will help you to know that you no longer owe him an explanation or anything further and end and cut off opportunities for him to hurt you in this way again.

You will again start to feel better. I realize this sucks, and it hurts. It may even cause some confusion. but I know myself better now as a result of what I have learned through my mistakes in my own life with dysfunctional family members and do not invite them into saying whatever thing comes into their minds.

I do not think that you will feel caught off guard and overexposed with him as seriously as this time.

I am confident that you will learn and grow through these kinds of experiences an become much stronger and confident in your own truth and inner knowings about what kinds of things others may say to you. You have this and you will be okay. Good luck with your treatment and I wish you well.

This is just my opinions and if they do not help you please ignore all that I have said Okay?:hug:
 
People we hope so much to be caring tend to say the worst things.
I agree with the others to ignore. It is his opinion, and opinions are not facts.
You are going to get help for yourself and that is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Focus on that; not the negative bs that can bring you down.
 
When I first tried to explain my PTSD diagnosis to my Dad he replied, “oh come on, give me a break there’s nothing wrong with you!” I don’t know which is worse—not acknowledging that bad things happened & still have an effect on me, or in your case, saying that there IS something wrong with you. He’s even gone as far as to say that my therapist or anyone else doesn’t care about me. I think it’s natural to want support, love, & approval from our parents & from my experience I can’t tell you that it gets any easier when you don’t receive what you’re longing for. It hurts every time even though I’ve learned not to expect anything better from him. There’s still that tiny little gleam of hope that we hang on to & if your dad is anything like mine, he gives me just enough “love” to make me think things will be better & then rips that hope to pieces with a conversation that takes me days to recover from. I’m hoping that as I get stronger I will learn that his words are just a projection of his own insecurities, NOT mine & I don’t have to carry that burden. Hang in there. You are doing the right things by taking care of your needs, TRY not to worry what anyone else thinks. :)
 
My family refuses to discuss my diagnosis. As in - if I try to bring it up they change the subject. I have a service dog and they have no idea why. It hurt a lot at the beginning because I could have used their support. Eventually I had to accept that they cannot deal with me being broken. Part of it is that it happened after I left home so it made me someone different than the person who they raised.

People will make stupid comments. But you will get better at handling them. This is why you are going to treatment ---- to learn how to navigate these idiots without a huge cost to you. I a so very proud you are willing to do the hard work to get better. Please don't let others derail you through their stupidity.
 
Men can say some pretty stupid things. (you know it's true) ;)

What he said wasn't said in the best way but at least he realizes something is wrong. That you're having problems and trying to take care of it.

Sorry he hurt your feelings. Good luck with everything!
 
I’m not sure that it was meant to be derogatory, unless his tone was that of disgust. If there wasn’t a “tone” then it’s possible he has had suspicions and was just voicing his concern and now glad that you’re getting treatment. Is this a possibility??????
 
I’m not sure that it was meant to be derogatory, unless his tone was that of disgust.

That thought did not occur to me and maybe it is a possibility to check into. Sorry for jumping the bandwagon.:confused::hug:
 
Exactly people do say dumb things even though they care on some level.

When I told one of my stepdad‘s, a non abusive one about my diagnosis, He didn’t believe me and questioned how as well. But as time went on I realized that he has survivors guilt and number of his own issues that lead him to say things like this.

And currently now while finding out my mother is an abusive relationship my best friend proceeded to tell me things I already knew about how I should go about dealing with it. She then stated that my mother would be killed.

That is rather insensitive but again she has issues of her own and I understand that right away. So I set my own boundaries and just try not to talk about it with her When I feel any statements she will make it will bother me.

The statements or more about them and less about me but they both do care. And I still have good relationships with both.

Take it easy and best of luck with you in treatment.
 
I don't know how to go back to the less than perfect relationship we had before this. I am so hurt that anyone would say something like that let alone a family member.

Don’t try to right now :)

I would have to guess that it was either a terrible tone of voice / demeanor, or that there was pretty much nothing he could say right ...(you know when you’re so stressed out and upset that no one can say anything right? That place?)... because with just the words in front of me with no emotion attached? Sounds like a pretty awesome response to me; he agrees & is totally on board with what you’ve decided to do & why! Sweet!

Either way though, whether he’s being an ass, or you’re at capacity for dealing with shit, I really wouldn’t worry about trying to deal with “the relationship” until after treatment. Relationships are hugely stressful under the best of circumstances, and right now you’re holding on by your fingertips, just waiting on admit during your hardest time of the year. Strike this one off the “To Do” list until things settle. That doesn’t mean you’re striking the relationship off, it just means that you don’t have to work on it, think on it, make decisions about it, grieve it, anything at all about it... until later. It’s okay to put things aside that are too much right now, and come back to them later. Truly.
 
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