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Sometimes I Think My Triggers Are Stupid Ones

Discussion in 'General' started by TheDeepestScar, Nov 20, 2007.

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  1. TheDeepestScar

    TheDeepestScar Member

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    I've thought at times that some of my triggers are really well I guess to some people they probably sound ridiculous huh?

    One major one for me is tomorrow, going into a city I've been in with my ex husband, where his mother and step dad used to live with his brother.

    Then there's men and hats, it used to be just one kind of hat now it's all hats on men that I personally know, but it's not that I've got a racial problem but it's because my ex was white so it's white men.

    Then of course gaming dice...and don't even ask me how I survived working at Andrews AFB in Maryland for 5 years. We dated there and it was where my daughter was conceived, not in the hospital though of course but still...I'd walk around the corner and see the front desk but always jump.

    Then I found out my ex husband was an active duty army medic and now army personnel make me very upset. Its why I broke down so badly when I was deployed.

    I sometimes question whether half of the things that make me very upset would sound so stupid to other people. Ya know?
     
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  3. hodge

    hodge I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Deepest, I guess what I want to say is that I don't think it helps for us to make judgments on whether or not our triggers are "stupid," whatever that means to us or anyone else.

    Triggers are triggers. If something hits you upside the head and knocks you for a loop, it's a trigger. Period.

    I don't see that it matters or helps to be calling it stupid or anything else. I think probably so many of each of our various traumas took place within situations including a particular variable array of diverse visual objects, sounds, smells, and so on. With some of these otherwise "innocent bystander objects," what triggers one person wouldn't make another bat an eye. What matters, I think, is that each of us learn to recognize the particular objects that trigger us and not get into the self-defeating pattern of calling any of it stupid.

    Bottom line to me is, if it triggers you, it was some sensory thing that embedded itself into your brain in association with your trauma(s). No more, no less. Just something to be aware of and decide to either avoid or try to deal with. To me, this sounds like something to raise with your therapist.

    I just basically wanted to say that I don't think anyone's triggers are stupid! We've all got idiosyncratic triggers that are relevant to our particular experiences. No one experiences the exact same trauma in the exact same setting with the exact same sensory environmental objects and surroundings. Hope you can see what I'm trying to get at?
     
  4. TheDeepestScar

    TheDeepestScar Member

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    I've been known to think that everything I think is stupid. Years of training I suppose, so used to having things I say or have said be used against me or have people laughing at my thoughts like a therapist I had did to me...makes me question myself.
     
  5. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

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    We all have weird triggers...and they are certainly not stupid. They are yours and yours to figure out why they are triggers. Most of them do make sense once you dig a bit to see why.
     
  6. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Shit, screw if someone giggles at us. Never will end I think here and there. But totally awesome you KNOW your triggers. So many live trying to figure out what set them off. You KNOW. Do you have any idea what a leaping jump you have on so many? See you are already at work on PTSD in a big way by recognizing triggers for what they are. Great job.

    Right now what you mention is all self esteem that can improve a lot here in time. Stick with us, you will see it slowly set back in.

    Nothing is stupid or silly. We are what we are for reasons we do not get. It is hard to make reason out of nonsense, which sums up our life so often.

    So what if you don't like white guys or hats? Not funny at all. I cannot handle a man who takes a "tone". I normally go for the jugular figuratively speaking now... Used too, well, I wasn't just a "bitch" back all the time.

    At least you know where to start when you do get to the point of exposure.
     
  7. kers

    kers I'm a VIP

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    I'm willing to be that everyone here has at least one trigger they think is 'weird.' I am terrified of circular dinner tables with 4 people!

    As veiled said, we are what we are. I think once we can accept our triggers and our reactions to them, it is easier to live with the PTSD. I'm realizing that the PTSD won't go away; no matter how badly I want it, that's not going to change. But what can change is how I react to it, what I think of it. And my life is much easier when I can accept my reactions, instead of denigrating them. A hard pattern to break, to be sure!
     
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  8. TheDeepestScar

    TheDeepestScar Member

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    I thought I was the only person that was sensitive to men and a change in their 'tone' of voice. My husband doesn't quite understand....I am very sensitive to a change in tone of voice and often interpret it as yelling. Probably because I was pretty much always getting yelled at and belittled by my father and then my ex....eh it all screwed me up.

    I was able to figure out what triggered me pretty quick. I didn't realize that army men would set me off as badly as they did until I was deployed to an army R&R base. (Sole Respiratory Therapist on post)...they didn't need me, ironically I was sent home for being suicidal and yet the only patient I had the entire time I was there attempted suicide...I had a hand in saving his life.

    I was obviously in the medical field in the Air Force.

    I feel kinda guilty sometimes, but since my PTSD was more spousal abuse/child abuse/bully centered (in backwards order I suppose with the child abuse and bullying occurring first and then sucker punched by my ex's abuse)....being sent somewhere with the knowledge that my ex was an army medic....I totally lost my mind. I mean that literally.

    And yet all these other troops are in actual war zones but I guess in my mind, fearing my ex might be somewhere despite anyone telling me the odds of it being otherwise....I was in my own personal war zone. (I think that actually makes sense now that I think of it).

    Working in my workbook well I haven't gone too far with it.....my therapist told me to stop at the safety chapter (speaking of I have to work more on it so I can have that finished by Monday when I see her again)...

    I think someone said that they never finish workbooks in another post, guilty as charged usually but I guess its different if you are working with the therapist that wrote the workbook. I can tell she'll be the type to not let me quit when things get rough and she will help me get through the work book too.

    I'm rambling...sorry. My brain is active right now, I probably need to cut the caffiene after I'm finished with this diet Mt Dew....I drink it on days I'm just dazed....but it makes me all with the racing thoughts.

    For the most part, I feel really welcome here on this forum....for the most part. I think that with the support and the knowledge of people similar to me, is going to be really helpful.
     
  9. kers

    kers I'm a VIP

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    I'm glad you're feeling supported, DeepestScar.

    I'm another one who has intense problems with changes in tone of voice, with women too, but most intensely with men. The minute a guy gets a hard or angry edge in his voice, I'm off the deep end.
     
  10. vera

    vera Active Member

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    same here.

    and also, about "stupid" triggers: two days ago i went to my little sister's school play and at some point some boys and girls (8yrold) were dancing and the boys "grabbed" the girls by the hair and i started shaking. i felt so stupid.
     
  11. TheDeepestScar

    TheDeepestScar Member

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    I guess nothing is really actually stupid....we just worry that others might think so, okay I worry.

    I'm the dreadful worrier. I worry about everything, fret about everything. Small things, big things, doesn't matter.

    I thought about it a little bit and well, things set us off because those things are attached in some form or fashion to what has happened to us.

    Broad scope or not, something as small as a flea can seem as large as a pit bull if it forces unfavorable memories into our heads.

    I get in these introspective moods sometimes...small moments of clarity in what is usually a cloudy sky.
     
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