DharmaGirl
MyPTSD Pro
Oh no, Monster is having issues with her therapist, again. Really? It becomes so predictable. I don't know if I want to continue therapy at all. I have joined a Buddhist group that practices mindfulness, meditation, and follows the Eightfold Path (the Buddhist 10 commandments sort of) I'm really thinking this will be enough. I keep telling him I'm having flashbacks and remembering trauma, but I feel like he discourages me from talking about the trauma. He will talk about symptoms this trauma can cause, and how processing it with help relieve the symptoms but no processing. I asked how I should process it and he said I could write it down until it doesn't bother me or tell him. I said I would tell him but off he goes unto another subject.
I was trying to tell him I don't want to be afraid of authority figures, and gave an example and he kept acting like I was wrong, and deserved what I got, and if I didn't want to answer that particular question I should have not said what I did. I told him I KNOW that, I said so much myself, that isn't the point, it was just an example. So now I feel like as ass because I made a mistake in my example and he kind of rubbed it in and I felt like I was so stupid because I could have avoided the whole thing by not saying a particular word. Now its about how I set myself up to get walked over and its my own fault, rather than the fact we were talking about boundaries and I asked for help setting boundaries with authority figures.
Anyway, I told him I was leaving and he didn't say anything. Every once in a while he gets into pissy moods where no matter what I say I'm wrong, and he's not his usual compassionate teaching self. Maybe this is part of therapy, but he has said some really pissy things to me in the past. Like -"You think you're better than everyone else". At that time I didn't even think I was a person. I felt like I was from another planet and nothing I did was worthwhile.
I had a suicide attempt after this. He explained that he meant something different. Whatever. I have attachment issues so therapy is very difficult for me. I can't understand how a relationship that you know is going to end is going to help me with relationships.
I know this sounds silly, that I shouldn't react so much from what little he says, but there is also body language, and intonation, and I become overwhelmed. I think I will just give it up.
I was trying to tell him I don't want to be afraid of authority figures, and gave an example and he kept acting like I was wrong, and deserved what I got, and if I didn't want to answer that particular question I should have not said what I did. I told him I KNOW that, I said so much myself, that isn't the point, it was just an example. So now I feel like as ass because I made a mistake in my example and he kind of rubbed it in and I felt like I was so stupid because I could have avoided the whole thing by not saying a particular word. Now its about how I set myself up to get walked over and its my own fault, rather than the fact we were talking about boundaries and I asked for help setting boundaries with authority figures.
Anyway, I told him I was leaving and he didn't say anything. Every once in a while he gets into pissy moods where no matter what I say I'm wrong, and he's not his usual compassionate teaching self. Maybe this is part of therapy, but he has said some really pissy things to me in the past. Like -"You think you're better than everyone else". At that time I didn't even think I was a person. I felt like I was from another planet and nothing I did was worthwhile.
I had a suicide attempt after this. He explained that he meant something different. Whatever. I have attachment issues so therapy is very difficult for me. I can't understand how a relationship that you know is going to end is going to help me with relationships.
I know this sounds silly, that I shouldn't react so much from what little he says, but there is also body language, and intonation, and I become overwhelmed. I think I will just give it up.