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Splost's Mental Imagery

Discussion in 'General' started by splost76, Nov 14, 2007.

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  1. splost76

    splost76 Sleep Management Editor

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    This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

    Q1. What colour is the road?brown
    Q2. What texture is the road?dusty dirt
    Q3. How solid is the road?soft

    You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.

    Q4. How do you cross the river? rocks in the middle of the river
    Q5. What does the water look like? royal blue, very clear
    Q6. How fast is the water current? moving, but not moving fast
    Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what? just rocks and water

    You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

    Q8. What colour is the house? white
    Q9. What condition is the house in?fair condition
    Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who? Yes, my younger sister.

    We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

    Q11. What colour is the cup?clear
    Q12. What condition is the cup in? dirty smudges on the outside
    Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what? No.

    You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

    Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail?A big black bear, looks to be around a couple tons and is growling at me, teeth are sharp looking and large claws
    Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle?I can see my son and wife waving to me to keep up and follow them.
     
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  3. splost76

    splost76 Sleep Management Editor

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    second part of imagery

    Now you have had a break, go back to every question and look at your response. Try and find what you feel that your mind presented the image it did. Explain colours you chose, textures, water, cup, solids, liquids, space, objects, people, anything and everything that you wrote from your projected image, try and find what you feel to why you have that image. Don't look hard at things, instead try and look for the easy answers, as they are often the correct one's. Don't attempt to find something that isn't present, just look at each aspect for its absolute simplicity.

    This is not an absolute, but something you must do in order to try and self analyse yourself. This is important. Please answer what you can, and simply define if you cannot find an emotion to a response you gave.

    #road- in my mind I saw a dusty brown road, that was soft to walk on, but the dirt under my feet could move from side to side making me have to watch the steps i took to stay on firm ground.

    #river- I saw in my mind a river that moved somewhat at a pace but not a fast pace, which was filled with rocks that I walked across. In my mind I can still see those rocks and some were slippery and wet, and at times I teetered back and forth, almost falling in, but at the last minute catching myself and pushing forward across the water.
    -A thought occurred just now, this is kind of like my life, here I am walking through life, and at times doing things that might make me fall off life's rocks. Ever since the trauma I had in my life, I had found ways to deal with this, and most ways were negative, well they were almost all negative. At times I self harmed to deal with issues, and then I used money to deal with issues. It seemed I always spent more money when stressed out, and now in my life, I am close to losing all I have because of all the money I have spent in my life, and when days I look at my issues, I have sometimes felt that if I just end everything, I will know longer make anyone else suffer because of my mistakes, some how I talk myself out of it, this is like those slippery rocks I walked across to get to the other side. Hmm, sorry, I am not sure I am suppposed to make thoughts like this when discussing the imagery but this just came to mind.

    #House- hmm a saw this house and it looked well lived in, but you could tell it had some wear to it, and then I thought whose house this was and right away I saw my little sister sitting inside the house, the sister I saw sitting there was my little sister who had died when I was younger with brain cancer, and after thinking this tears came to my eyes, as I remembered how much I loved my little sis, and how much I missed her with me. After she died a load of things happened that changed the rest of my life and existence, I just feel that she was the one person in the family who rreally got who I am, she was two years younger than I, but she was my favorite sibling, and even sitting here now , I think about how much I misss her. what I miss the most is not remembering any of the times with her, since my abuse I lost alot of my past memories, and it hurts to think that I have very little memories that involve her.

    #cup- Right when I saw this cup in my mind I saw a clear cup that had ridges around the outside, and Im not sure what to think about this, the cup was made out of glass and was empty, but had smudges all over the outside. My emotion that occurred right then was like a feeling that my emotional defenses went up, hmm, kind of stumped why?

    #Obstacle- as I continued down the path and then ran into this gigantic bear, I felt scared, and could see myself looking around for a way to retreat, and then I saw past him and saw my wife and child, and then I felt angry that this great big animal was keeping me from them, I kept trying to think of ways to get around, but it just did not seem possible, and then I felt sad that I could get to them, so I was letting them down, and I guess thats how I feel all the time, I feel like i let them down all the time, I suck at the provider thing, I am learning to not spend as much money, but I have already placed us in debt, and that hurts the most, and then at times, I am emotionally shut out to them, I cant let too many people in, I mean people I trusted hurt me, and they hurt me bad, its not just physically one suffer with sexual abuse but its also emotional and loads of different things that occur, I need to break for now, I feel like I am going to emotionally explode, and I see images, images that I try and try to get rid of....
     
  4. splost76

    splost76 Sleep Management Editor

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    I just wish that I could overcome just a few things in life, this imagery has helped me look at thingss I need to look at and deal with, but somethings cant be overcome, so why does one keep trying, I have been trying my whole life to forget what happened to me, and with tears running down my face right now, I know this has not occurred and feel I will always remember these horrid things that occurred, why did I let this happened, how come he did this to me, why was I picked, was it something I said to him, why did he pick me, will I always be a disappointment for my family, and if so whats the point, ahhhhhhh so upset, angry at myself upset that I am not worthy of what I do have at this point in my life, just thinking to self what should I do
     
  5. splost76

    splost76 Sleep Management Editor

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    #cup, I am back and I think to myself that the cup represents me, I am like a glass, that is fragile and can break easily, the glass is empty because, well I feel I so little to offer anyone, and the smudges that is all the crap that has happened to me, its all the things that I have allowed to happen to me, Anthony if you are out there I need some help with this thing, please help anthony, I feel so broken right now....
     
  6. splost76

    splost76 Sleep Management Editor

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    going to try this again

    Hmm I think I am going to attempt this again, my mind is working through things right now, some aweful things and need something, not sure what so maybe going to do this once again.
     
  7. splost76

    splost76 Sleep Management Editor

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    Second try

    This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

    Q1. What colour is the road?
    Black
    Q2. What texture is the road?
    asphalt
    Q3. How solid is the road?
    Very hard, and a rough like texture

    You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.

    Q4. How do you cross the river?
    walk through it
    Q5. What does the water look like?
    swirling, not clear with all the water swirling
    Q6. How fast is the water current?
    fast, but not real fast like a strong river, but fast enough
    Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what?
    yes, rocks, and a pretty big water snake

    You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

    Q8. What colour is the house?
    brown
    Q9. What condition is the house in?
    bad, roof looks need for repair or replaced, house needs paint job
    Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who?
    empty

    We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

    Q11. What colour is the cup?
    a yellow brownish tint
    Q12. What condition is the cup in?
    small cracks in some places
    Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what?
    the cup is empty

    You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

    Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail?
    A large brick wall, gray in color, rough outside texture, it looks to have some type of wire like barb wire on the top of the wall

    Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle?
    Nothing, the wall is too hiigh I am not able to see above it, or around it
     
  8. splost76

    splost76 Sleep Management Editor

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    Number three test

    Start The Road Interview "copy between the tags" //

    This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

    Q1. What colour is the road?Black
    Q2. What texture is the road?hard granite rock
    Q3. How solid is the road?very hard and rough

    You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.

    Q4. How do you cross the river?attempting to ford
    Q5. What does the water look like?rapids very fast
    Q6. How fast is the water current?extremly fast
    Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what? looks to be large fish with teeth

    You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

    Q8. What colour is the house?dark gray
    Q9. What condition is the house in?bad condition looks to be falling apart
    Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who?no, been empty for 20 years or a bit more

    We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

    Q11. What colour is the cup?black, or dark colored
    Q12. What condition is the cup in?bad for wear, cracks around the top
    Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what? Some type of dark crimson colored liquid, it seems to be luke warm.

    You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

    Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail?A giant guy, holding a spear like object
    Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle?Beyond I see my family, and they are yelling at me to come nearere, but I cannot get beyond this guy.

    // End The Road Interview "copy between the tags" //
     
  9. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Shane, do you feel that the lack of support from your family makes you sad? Who in your family hurt you most?
     
  10. splost76

    splost76 Sleep Management Editor

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    The people in the family that hurt me the most was my father who beat me, and my uncle who sadictly raped me for many years. And then my family now says to forgive that Uncle because it was all in the past, they say things like if you would leave it in the past then it would all be over. The only way I see to leave it in the past is just to not exist...
     
  11. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    What upsets you most; the fact that you have not dealt with the pain yet from your past abuse or that your family ignores it and is telling you to just "forget it ever happened"?
     
  12. splost76

    splost76 Sleep Management Editor

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    I feel I have dealt with the pain as much as possible from the past, somethings will never be over with the whole abuse thing. I get most upset when they say forgive and forget. I am not upset with my father and that abuse, he had reason although bad, but he was fighting the devil inside of him, he was in the military for twenty something years, and I feel this is what caused his issues. My father is a different man, now, he has had therapy and does lots better with anger issues, and all, but the uncle there is no way to forgive or see from his point of view. Some say maybe he was abused and this is why he did it, not everyone that is abused goes and abuses others, so this by no means is a reason to forgive his actions. I also think that by attempting to forget just gives more to him, he can abuse others if we the abused forget the whole thing. I would never tell someone that life is easy for some of so called survivors, but i met someone the other day that had gone through somethings that were pretty rough, and maybe worse than I. I know we cannot judge our own experiences by others, but sometimes, it helps put ours in a better or different focus or light. I feel that somethings I suffered will be there for the rest of my life, there is physical damage that was done to me, that can never be fixed, and so I face something for the rest of my duration. Some days, weeks, and months are harder than others, and sometimes, I think the worse, and I would not be the first or the last to think of harsh things for myself like suicide. (although I am not suicidal at this moment) But I have been in those shoes and have a scar to show it, it was during a very low point in my life, and I could never tell someone that I would never think this way again, I am coming to believe that this trial with PTSD is life long, and their are side effects just like with an alcoholic and or druggist.
     
  13. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Shane, I beg to differ with your self reflection upon your past. If everything was just ok as you seem to believe, then these problems would not be present within you now. Your in denial if you ask me, and you need to face the facts that the past is still haunting you, regardless how much you seem to think its not. There is pain in your past, there is negativity from your past that is causing you your current conflict. You actually admitted to some of it, being that you have come to your own conclusions surrounding your father; yet you have not your uncle. Who ever said you had too though? There is no reason to forgive an abuser, it is a personal choice for each individual. If you cannot forgive him, then you must accept that, as nobody should be telling you to forgive him. More the point is that you must believe within yourself what your saying. If you hate him, then hate comes with feelings and it is these feelings you must identify and accept as your brain cannot just accept hate by itself. You must believe your own feelings, because at present you do not and are in denial of this.
     
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