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Starting Therapy - Maybe.

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I say maybe because I am trying not to freak out. I've had horrible experiences with therapy in the past and it took a lot not to hide under the covers. After staring at the phone for 2 hours I picked it up and called my doctor. My doctor is on vacation so I have to go to a different doctor to get the therapy recommendation :( It took everything I had to make the appointment anyway as it felt like the universe is just trying to give me another excuse to not go. I just wish my own doctor would be there. This would be a lot easier if I could start this process with someone I trust rather than someone I don't know. I know my doctor would be looking out for me, this other person I don't know and doesn't know me so how can I be sure she won't blow me off like the rest have?
I guess I will see tomorrow.
 
Making the first step was really hard for me too. I feared (and still do fear) not being believed or not being taken seriously. I am going to a new T in 15 days and am also stressing out about it.

If it helps, the first useful thing I learnt in therapy is that its okay to baby myself after pushing myself to do something that was really hard. For me this means going to bed and watching Star Trek. I used to feel bad about doing this in the middle of the day, but now I see it as an important (though probably rather silly) form of self care. If you have something that makes you feel better, can I suggest you indulge yourself to help yourself through this important but scary process.

Wishing you the best. If you want to talk more, I am here.
 
Thank you. This is terrifying to be honest. My husband called and said he doesn't know if he can take me to the appointment so I may end up on the bus. I'm trying to ignore all the negative thoughts and keep saying I will do it - even if I burst into tears on the bus.
The way I keep wanting to picture this is just going to my own doctor, saying you win - I need therapy. That plan is already screwed up so it's making me nervous.
 
I understand the terror. I'm so sorry no one is taking you. My personal goal for my first therapy appointment was simply to show up. I actually pre-prepared a note that apologised for walking out and gave all my billing information, because I thought I might not be able to talk.

When I spoke to my doctor for the referral to the therapist they asked me all types of questions which I wasn't prepared to answer (it didn't occur to me to have to justify my need by disclosing details), and answering was really rough. Can I suggest (if this is a idea that fits with you) writing a very short note outlining the reason for you to see a therapist, and ending the note with you would appreciate if the doctor can avoid discussing these issues with you as you believe you need this discussion to occur with the appropriately trained therapist. I wish this is something that I had done.

But, even though it was rough and I wish I handled it better, I got through to the other side. This forum will help...it has helped me.
 
I'm still praying he'll be able to rework his schedule.

And thank you for the suggestion! I am dreading that part but I am hoping my standardized short answer will do the trick and I won't have to go there with a stand-in. On the bright side, I have totally worn myself out thinking about this. I've earned a nap.
 
Thank you both!

It was horrible trying to get there - but I gave myself plenty of time which I ended up needing. Getting there was down right awful! BUT she was so nice about everything. I completely forgot to do the note idea :( I was already stressed so when she asked why I thought I needed it tears just poured out.

But I pick up my recommendation on Tuesday - she is going to talk to my doctor and find a therapist who can treat me in English so that is something else I won't have to stress out about.
 
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