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Stood Up To My Ex Husband

Discussion in 'Accomplishments & Success' started by BrownEyes, Jul 30, 2009.

  1. BrownEyes

    BrownEyes Well-Known Member

    I stood up to my ex husband yesterday!!

    That is a huge accomplishment for me. I don't usually stand up to anyone, let alone my ex husband who is a mixture of my father's and mother's worst characteristics combined. He is a bully, and very manipulative and intimidating, and twists everything around to always be my fault. And any time I've ever tried to stand up to him in the past I always ended up feeling guilty and apologizing to him.

    Well yesterday he did something very irresponsible while with my daughter, and my daughter told me about it after he dropped her off from visiting with her. I thought about calling him and finally decided to do it. I was shaking as I did it, but I called and told him I was extremely angry for what he did and I told him it was to never happen again.

    I think I shocked him because he was soft spoken and said it would never happen again. I rambled on and on, not holding anything back, and ended the conversation by telling him that I was not fully finished with being upset and that I might be calling him back to rant on again.

    We hung up and he called me back later and tried to twist it around by saying that I was in the wrong because I was upset when I called him, and that I should have just talked softly to him instead. So I told him that in no way did I feel bad for being angry, that he was in the wrong, and there was no way that he was going to try to get me to apologize or feel guilty for doing the right thing. I told him it was useles to try to make me out to be at fault.

    That is a huge accomplishment for me! I never did that before. I usually don't speak up, and if I do, I allow the other person to make me feel bad for being angry. I allow them to change the focus off themselves and onto me. And I end up apologizing to them. But not this time. I stuck to the topic and didn't waver. He was wrong and I was right. I am very proud of myself for this accomplishment and thought I'd share it here.
    Seeking_Nirvana likes this.
  2. Hemels

    Hemels New Member

    Welldone Browneyes,

    You should be proud of yourself :)

    **hugs**

    Hemmy xXx
  3. She Cat

    She Cat VIP Member

    Good for you!!!!!! I hope that this is the beginning of you standing up for yourself for the rest of your life. It's actually easier after the first time......
  4. 2quilt

    2quilt New Member

    Great to hear this! Assertive and not passive! Set boundaries and don't move an inch.
  5. restless

    restless New Member

    That is awesome to hear! It sounds like your ex was completely out of line, and he was probably excepting you to be soft spoken. You must have caught him off guard, and that is why he had to call you back. He had to think of what to say, before you called him. I am glad that guy is out of your life. There are to many people that get walked on, and I am glad that you stood up to him.
  6. SunnyBrookFarm

    SunnyBrookFarm New Member

    Browneyes -

    What a HUGE breakthrough for you - I'm so happy for you. From one passive person to another - I am VERY proud of you.
  7. BrownEyes

    BrownEyes Well-Known Member

    Thanks to everyone for all your support.

    It feels very empowering to have stood up to him like that.

    It gives me courage to be able to do it again in the future if I need to.
  8. Dragonfly

    Dragonfly New Member

    congrats! I know how hard it can be to stand up to people, let alone an ex. I finaly did a few days ago, and he was shocked for a bit. His backlash at me standing up for me and the kids and telling him that the things he was doing was not ok sent me to the hosp today.

    Three days with no sleep and alternating between being mad and crying while also trying to not let the kids see how upset I was finaly pushed me into going in.

    I hated every min of admiting I was having problems. I don't let people into my life easily and don't like to share when I'm struggling. But I did it.

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