So brief recap of my history, I've had PTSD probably since I was 13/14 for 9/10 years. I was sexually abused by my father for two years when I was 10. My family know, mum stays with him. All that stuff.
But today I was discussing everything with my partner and today I added that part of the reason I'd want to take my dad to court is because I want a reason from him why he did it. I know that sounds weird and all but I find myself struggling and I just want to know why something like that had to happen to me. Like I know that nothing will ever make what happened to me less awful and that I will always hate him, I don't have it in me to ever forgive him for what he did to me. But I just want to know why the worst thing that ever happened to me ever had to happen?
Does anyone else find themselves questioning for a reason? Has finding a "reason" ever helped?
I think I just want to be able to rationalise something that I have a feeling can never be rationalised.
But today I was discussing everything with my partner and today I added that part of the reason I'd want to take my dad to court is because I want a reason from him why he did it. I know that sounds weird and all but I find myself struggling and I just want to know why something like that had to happen to me. Like I know that nothing will ever make what happened to me less awful and that I will always hate him, I don't have it in me to ever forgive him for what he did to me. But I just want to know why the worst thing that ever happened to me ever had to happen?
Does anyone else find themselves questioning for a reason? Has finding a "reason" ever helped?
I think I just want to be able to rationalise something that I have a feeling can never be rationalised.