bluepassport
New Here
It's been a particularly hard few days. No specific triggers or causes that I can pinpoint. Just feeling horribly sad, angry and resentful (how is it possible to have all at once?!) and what my therapist would likely say is part of the grieving process that comes along with cPTSD.
I'm:
- angry at my family who don't care enough to ask how I'm doing and don't acknowledge in the slightest that they are responsible for the years of abuse and neglect
- angry at myself for still caring
- resentful towards my family who have little respect for me and continue to act as if I'm doing well
- angry at my few friends whom I've shared my traumas with. Their attitude has been one of "sorry, but I can't help you", "this makes me feel awkward", "you seem to be doing fine", or lately...just apathy.
- resentful for the things that happened to me, that I didn't have a choice in.
- sad at the loss of my childhood, adolescence and a "normal" adult life (I know...there is no such thing as normal...)
- sad at not having a solid support system in place to help me through this journey.
- angry at myself for not being more gentle and compassionate with myself.
I know these emotions are part of the process, and we must give ourselves the time and space to breathe through all of these emotions. My rational self knows these things. But my inner, hurt child is still in pieces and just wants someone who cares to be with her right now.
If I'm being honest today, I'm just really sick and tired of feeling like this and have been my entire life. Wondering if it ever goes away and how others cope.
Sending light to anyone else who is hurting.
I'm:
- angry at my family who don't care enough to ask how I'm doing and don't acknowledge in the slightest that they are responsible for the years of abuse and neglect
- angry at myself for still caring
- resentful towards my family who have little respect for me and continue to act as if I'm doing well
- angry at my few friends whom I've shared my traumas with. Their attitude has been one of "sorry, but I can't help you", "this makes me feel awkward", "you seem to be doing fine", or lately...just apathy.
- resentful for the things that happened to me, that I didn't have a choice in.
- sad at the loss of my childhood, adolescence and a "normal" adult life (I know...there is no such thing as normal...)
- sad at not having a solid support system in place to help me through this journey.
- angry at myself for not being more gentle and compassionate with myself.
I know these emotions are part of the process, and we must give ourselves the time and space to breathe through all of these emotions. My rational self knows these things. But my inner, hurt child is still in pieces and just wants someone who cares to be with her right now.
If I'm being honest today, I'm just really sick and tired of feeling like this and have been my entire life. Wondering if it ever goes away and how others cope.
Sending light to anyone else who is hurting.