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Studying triggering texts in literature

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Literature-chan

Hi,
I have c-ptsd and DID. I'm really struggling at the moment as I have to study a text that's come out of left field with very strong, personal triggers. I've been doing really well hence returning to studying, I can cope with explicit material no problem, but this particular author uses a lot of sense-based details and she's a brilliant writer but the senses she hits on, the events, the phrases used by the male antagonist are- just by coincidence- identical to stuff from my past that I find especially triggering. The protagonist looks like me, the room looks like the room stuff happened in, he even smells the same, it's just one massive trigger.

I've got to write a 2500 essay on the themes of sexuality and desire (just to really drive the point home) and I barely got through answering direct questions on the text in my assignment. I can hardly concentrate on the question, my mind just diverts around it. I've tried working in short bursts, tried just reading around the sources, but I can't get away from the fact I do have to write this essay and if I get anything less than an outstanding mark, I don't get into my university of choice. So far I've got 100%s in my prior units and I have to keep it up, at least 85%. Due to the exam board, I can't switch texts. I'd rather not discuss it with my tutor, she's quite strict and impatient. What the bleep do I do?
 
I'd rather not discuss it with my tutor, she's quite strict and impatient. What the bleep do I do?
I understand that you’d rather not bring this up w/your tutor, but it sounds like the only option for getting some help with it. Since you can’t change texts, your options are to keep trying or stop. I’m assuming that stopping would put your educational career off by a year. Is that right?
 
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