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Submissive Body Language - What Does it Mean?

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sassy-snape

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Hi when i get down and depressed and get upset when talking things through with my partner, i drop my head and shoulders and tilt my head to look at him under my lashes and hold onto his belt and keep my head down.

i dont no i do it till afterwards.
 
I do this, too, even though I am otherwise a strong-minded/willed person. Part of it may be shame. It could also be a way to "hide" from a fear or just something you are not wanting to deal with/discuss.
 
Just an idea here but there biological reasons we do things some times. maybe this is just one of those instinctive ways you relate to your partner as a female. it seems that in the context you described submissiveness is a perfectly normal expression especially if it is with a partner with whom you feel safe. but as mentioned above it depends on how it makes you feel.
 
So I posted a response then went to edit it and it disappeared because it was over 10 minutes. I wasn't done with it so sorry if it popps back up with large text at the end and all misspelled.

edit: there it is. I had more thoughts on this but I don't know if it is just waiting admin approval. I'll check back tomorrow and see.:mad:
 
Living in a (white) male dominated culture (at least in the U.S. where male violence is commonplace), women are socialized to be submissive. Women smile more (ingratiation) and look down more (submission). I disagree with Rallynut that it's "instinctive" (unless maybe it's social/survival instinct). Women who live in more egalitarian cultures do not behave in this manner. In fact, in an anthropology class that I took, we studied a tribe of rainforest dwellers whose leader(s) are women. The coy, submissive behavior that is commonplace with (American) women has not been observed - - but interestingly enough, the women don't abuse the men, either. And they don't hit their children. Hmm...makes me wonder just how healthy a male-dominated culture is (but I digress)....

Showing submission to a male isn't from PTSD - it's from being socialized in a male-dominated, violent culture. I do think that women with PTSD may well be more sensitive to those unspoken rules, though, in attempts to stay safe. I know I am.

-Dylan
 
Dylan, I am not trying to sound chauvinistic here. Let me try to clarify the point I was trying to make. I very well may be wrong I'm just trying to provide a unique perspective for whatever that’s worth.

To start, I was basing my view on my understanding of a series of lectures on CD by Deborah Tannen called He Said, She Said: Exploring the Different Ways Men and Women Communicate . A lot of it has to do with the idea that much of the way we communicate is learned behavior and very culture specific. Once you begin to understand the reasons behind the different styles of communication of the opposite sex it can clear up a lot of miscommunication. I highly recommend it!

When I read the post last night I tried to picture how the event Sassy described would look. To me it sounded familiar, much like the way my wife’s body language might be when she is expressing similar emotions. I was placing my values on my interpretation of what she had described. I want to get away from that.
So I did a Google search on the meaning of submissive body language. Here is an excerpt of what I found:

A significant cluster of body movements is used to signal fear and readiness to submit. This is common in animals, where fighting (that could terminally harm each animal) is avoided by displays of aggression or submission.
Body positions
The body in fearful stances is generally closed, and may also include additional aspects.
Making the body small
Hunching inwards reduces the size of the body, limiting the potential of being hit and protecting vital areas. In a natural setting, being small may also reduce the chance of being seen. Arms are held in. A crouching position may be taken, even slightly with knees slightly bent. This is approaching the curled-up regressive fetal position.
Head
Head down
Turning the chin and head down protects the vulnerable neck from attack. It also avoids looking the other person in the face (staring is a sign of aggression).
Eyes
Widening the eyes makes you look more like a baby and hence signals your vulnerability.
Looking attentively at the other person shows that you are hanging on their every word.
Mouth
Submissive people smile more at dominant people, but they often smile with the mouth but not with the eyes.
Here’s the web site just add the http:// (changingminds.org/techniques/body/submissive_body.htm)


So "instinctive" in terms of social/survival instinct? Yes definitely. But I think the context is important. A submissive posture during an argument with your significant other carries a very different connotation then during a, for lack of a better term, heart to heart. In the latter it might suggest a need for acceptance and an uneasiness in sharing ones feelings not a one up one down position. And really that is the point I am trying to make. Wikipedia sums it up for me:
“Within human relationships there may be a submissive partner. This partner may be trying to appease the other(s) through agreeing to their command. If they are otherwise healthy this partner may be content. If one or both of the people are experiencing chronic, pervasive emotional distress then the relationship or individuals may require reevaluation.”
Really it comes down to what xxarmywifexx said “do you feel shame.” If yes then it is worth taking a good look at.

I hope this makes what I was trying to say above more clear:smile:
 
I have appreciated reading this thread and felt perhaps it should come forward I would also like to say that there is a section that looks at something called "floppy language" and this deals with submissive speech.

I would also like to point out that the link given by rally nut78 is no longer active off site, but if you cut and paste it to google removing the http it will offer some things up for you, the new site that this comes from is under maintenance at the time of me writing this.

I have also gone on to write my thread on mental equilibrium; and hope that if anyone can read it that they will perhaps be able to offer up any new insight they can for me on this-thankyou

hope this also can be of help to someone else
~fin
 
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