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Survived Deposition

Discussion in 'Accomplishments & Success' started by Gloria, May 5, 2011.

  1. brat17

    brat17 VIP Member

    You are all hysterical. Feel good hot flashes, milking goats, misplaced list and oh yes, the junk drawers-the catch all.

    Once in a while I go through those drawers and its like hittling a little jackpot. ( an unopend 4 pack of chaptick, gum gone stale or some unopened tic tacs, pens in the pack still, ah-shoelaces-but I finally just pitched the untiable shoes, new super glue, odd little light bulbs, batteries, toothbrush covers etc) All the little wal-mart purchases that came from not having a list and not knowing where to put the stuff when I got home with it.

    My friend threw a load of whites in the washer and then remembered she wanted to throw the new 12 pack of tube socks in the washer that she had just bought. She ran upstairs and got them, took them straight to the basement to the laundry area, opened the woodburning stove and threw them in-then stood there like a deer caught in headlights.

    Maybe we just have a bit too much on our minds. Lol
    Sethe and Gloria like this.
  2. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    I think I throw things away without thinking. Same thing, went through my junk drawer and found all sorts of things that I had bought because I thought I was out of. I cleaned on my garage a week ago and found 20 tubes of caulk, twenty paint brushes and tons on duplicates of screwdrivers and other things. Why did I buy them? Because my garage was such a mess that when I tried to find something I couldn't find one so I went to buy another. Well, my garage is totally organized now to the point that I put all my screws and nails in a labeled containers. Everything is totally organzied and labeled.

    This lawsuit and the police assault did put a damper on my weekend even all this time. One of the symptoms of PTSD is that you don't think that the world is a safe place. Well, I had all the other symptoms of PTSD but I never really thought of the world as an unsafe place until the assault. I know how Brat feels. I was a good, law biding citizen so I was never afraid of being arrested much less beat up by police. Now, after almost three years, not only have the police not been accountable. I feel even more violated because they got all my mental healthy records and put me through the deposition. What if I had a five year old daughter drown in the pool and ended up going into a mental hospital and seeing a psychiatrist or therapist for years because of that? Then I got assaulted by the police? Well, I could be psychologically tortured by my own guilt for not watching my child. It could happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere and that's why I'm scared. I thought I was exempt. I was never afraid of being punished by the police.

    I know it is more difficult for me because of my alcoholic and out of control father. The lucky children in the world have parents that will punish them for staying out late or not doing their homework or something tangible. But the unlucky ones (like me and many others) never know when they are going to be beaten because the parents aren't rational and are out of control. I remember when we brought home our report cards if we didn't get straight A's, we were beaten. Well, one day I brought home my report card with straight A's and my father took one look at my smiling face and beat the heck out of me for "thinking I was smarter than him". As I got to be an adult, I got rid of that fear. I learned to manage myself and knew if I paid my bills, got to work on time, obeyed the law, avoiding getting in relationships with unhealthy men, I was not going to get beat up. But that isn't true since I got beat up by the police for sitting on a garage floor. Knowing that they completely ignored the band members smoking crack on the porch every Sunday, it doesn't make sense. I don't feel safe in the world any longer. I'm trying to learn how to again.
  3. brat17

    brat17 VIP Member

    Gloria-I have always been afraid, or at least skeptical of police. When I was 3 or 4, they came to my house for a domestic fight between sisters. They must have said they would haul them to jail if they had to come back and sister smarted off that she was babysitting me. They said "we'' take her to jail too" I remember being so scared.

    In my twenties, when my ex broke in or beat the crap out of me, they never were threatening but also were no help at all. Just acted as though it inconvenienced them to take the call. ( I am learning that this is my interpretation rooted in childhood.) Sexual comments and ignorance was real by anyones standard and inappropriate.

    After working with women, I learned how they had to provide favors to get decent and fair treatment-which really makes me mad. It is very common, of course not all cops but too many. Anyone that has read my report says the same, if I were a man-this would never have happened. Even though I have never been on the other side of the law, many of the cops know me from my job, and a couple personally.

    This particular cop said things -"you may have an education and training but you dont know bla bla" He probably feels inferiour to strong women, which he evidently thought I was-not knowing that I had left work and was trying to deal with my syptoms even though I did not know it was ptsd.

    So I have a long history of not trusting cops-in that-maybe I have brought some of this about and am suppose to do something about it. I read the book "the Secret" about intention and the power of attraction. I am sure I need to empower myself through this-dont know how but am learning.
    Gloria likes this.
  4. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    Brat,

    It's hard to get over a distrust of men. I am dabbling with internet dating. I say "dabbling" because I only check my messages once a month and I have to communicate with someone for months (and talk to them on Skype) before I meet them. Some women I know who do the internet thing go out three times a week and meet someone without even talking on the phone. I feel not ready for a relationship until I get over this police thing. I do think that confronting your fears is the the best way to get over the PTSD. They say you are only as sick as your darkest secret.

    Hugs,
    Gloria
  5. brat17

    brat17 VIP Member

    Me too-I dabbled but cant take nothting very serious. Kept me from isolation but not my answer......
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  6. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    Well, I should have all my depositions done by the 19th of June and hopefully it will be over but going to trial doesn't scare me in the least after the deposition. 100% of the men that I met on the internet revealed themselves after I met them to be weird in some very significant way. It can show up in their first message to you or sometimes after they spend a weekend at your house. But it may not be the internet. Like Annie wrote no one is perfect and we all have flaws. All I know is that my son doesn't accuse me of being too fussy anymore since I dated the man that he picked for me who was shorter than me, bald and had crossed eyes with thick glasses. My son kept accusing me of judging men by their appearance and he said "Mom, at your age you can't afford to be fussy". He said that to me when we were sitting in a restaurant and the guy in sitting in the booth next to us came over to me. He was the ugliest man that I ever saw but the reason I was repulsed by him was that he was ease dropping on our conversation and had this attitude like I was desperate.

    I have to do so much work on the farm. I just want to get through this month. I hope you are doing well!

    Hugs,
    Gloria
  7. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    I finally broke down and called the psychic. It's too expensive and haven't called to talk to one in a couple years but she was did predict that my ex would betray me and hurt me like no man had even hurt me before and also the death of his friend and my ex's misfortune. When my ex contacted me almost two years ago to tell me he filed bancruptcy, I thought that her first two predictions had come true but when my ex's friend died suddenly, I decided that she might really have some insights. I know I am scientific by nature and although I do believe in God, don't believe in a lot of foolish superstitions. I also know for a fact that most people who claim to be psychic just pick up on your smallest gestures, appearance and remarks. So to get an accurate psychic, I had to either give misleading remarks or gestures or give no information at all. This woman passed my test.

    So I am looking for a happy outcome to this although I do not know for certain if I will win the case. Also, the scum that I was in a relationship for five years might very well be happily manipulating and using a new woman which doesn't bother me in the least as this will mean that he will never come back in my life again. I wish this would have happened long ago. So I will wait and see how this turns out but the end is soon. I saw my therapist as well as my doctor. Both of them think that everything that I have gone through will soon be over. I am grateful for that. After the nightmares, the terror, the drama, the stress of this whole thing, any outcome will be good. AND I have already received a response from one of the packets sent to politicians. So I love it! I post my picture and my story and I am not ashamed of what happened to me. I had no control but by being brave enough to step forward and tell my story, I know that it will have some impact. I am not unreasonable. I don't think that there will be laws changed just because of my case. But I know that if everyone would stand up like I do, then change will come. I may have planted a seed and then someday may grow where people with PTSD will never go through the psychological torture by lawyers.

    So the the few weeks, my vegetable garden is coming in nicely because of all the rain and I will concentrate on fixing up my farm and riding my tractor when things dry up a bit.
    intothelight likes this.
  8. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    I am staying strong. I want this whole thing behind me. I get to see a psychiatrist (paid for by the police attorneys) to examine me. I am looking forward to this. Because if he is an ethical person, I know he will understand what I have gone through and how much it affected me.

    I really don't know exactly what they said at the deposition. Everyone at the gym are asking me why and how I lost so much weight. I really am thin now. I lost five pounds last week but that was when the depositions were and on top of that the area was hit with one of the worst storms so I lost power.

    I think it's almost over.
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  9. Confused Wingless

    Confused Wingless AKA AngelkeeperJ Premium Member

    Hang in there! Dealing with any kind of lawsuit is tortuous, and it sounds like you've had a horrible time getting justice! I love your positive outlook even during your stressful times! A quote I live by "Never give up"!

    I hope you do get an ethical psychiatrist!

    Have a blessed week!
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  10. intothelight

    intothelight Totally Quackers Duck Staff Member Premium Member

    Gloria,

    Be proud of yourself for going through the deposition. That was really hard for you and you did really well.

    Deb
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  11. anni

    anni Bucephalus ( an old war horse ) Premium Member

    I'm sure at least this guy will be. If they pull out an MMPI, well, there's just no sliding around those, either. I don't know how you got this far other than by sheer faith but it's proof that faith does it. I do hope you're very, very proud of yourself, Gloria. The bottom line is that something awful was done to you by weak, dreadful men as the result of a despicable, evil man. You said No despite formidable odds-impressive.

    Milkshakes, with whipped cream-seriously, it works, or at least halts the continued slide there. I don't know about you but there's a point where it gets uncomfortable, right? Always has so it's not age-where you can't sleep on your side because it hurts there on your hip bone? Don't try it first thing in the morning, lunches best but it does work then fruit ( real fruit-blueberries and high nutrient things ) smoothies. Lots of vitamins-supplements. Google the best ones and amounts or ask your doc. This really is almost behind you, my dear. You need to make sure these people haven't taken your health with them, you know?

    Hugs- nice you have the grid back. :)

    Anni
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  12. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    Thanks Anni and Deb,

    I really felt great when I starteed losing the weight I gained when I broke my back but now my size 4's are baggy in the butt and hanging down on my hips so low that my underwear shows! :eek: I mean like having a small butt but having no butt at all is kind of cool also. I do take supplements. I take one that was recommended by a holistic doctor plus E and silica faithfully first thing every morning. My son keeps saying it's almost behind me. My lawyer doesn't tell me much but he told my son that he nailed my ex. I'm going to go on a retreat and pray for forgiveness (again) I forgave the SOB and was nice to him for 9 months cooking for him, taking him on a cruise and doing things to foster a good relationship. Then he turned on me and I made sure that it was the last time he would ever contact me and suck me in again. Because I don't know how bad it is but they did do something about me reporting for fraud. For all I know (I hope) he is in jail. Anni, you are absolutely right, if I tell him how the attack affected me, he would have to be a total crook to not testify on my defense that the trauma was substantial.

    Hope everyone is doing well. Hope someone who is visiting is having a great time.
    Hugs and lost of love to all,
    Gloria
    anni likes this.
  13. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    I have a magnet quote on my refrigerator (for years) by Winston Churchill. "Never, never, never give up". If you came to visit my house has things hanging all over the place. I have a wonderful gift from a very kind person - a mosaic to remind me of friends. I have poem given to me by a dear old friend. I have a digital frame in my bedroom with pictures of all my friends. I have a hanging on my wall saying "Friend are the family you choose." Right by the front door, there is a big sign that says "There is always something to be thankful for". Plus tons of other inspirational things. I'm trying to stay positive.
    Thanks for your support!!
    Gloria
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  14. anni

    anni Bucephalus ( an old war horse ) Premium Member

    It IS a very good way to start the day, isn't it? I've got all hell breaking loose in a couple places, so coming here to be able to balance things is extremely, extremely helpful. Have something which truly awakened the old trauma also- despite every tool out there sometimes just no balancing that so back to the PTSD drawing board, so to speak. I'll tell you what- without the forum I'd be much less able to contain that aspect-as it is, have been able to get kind of a grip on it a bit. You folks plain old help, that's all. Containment- gotta have it. Helps to contain some of it here, doesn't it?

    I don't think forgiveness quite means what we used to think of it as-the Sunday School stuff. With everything you have going on at the moment, go easy on yourself at the moment trying to process too much, ok? Think it's more of a letting go sort of thing- making the complete break emotionally and spiritually with that person, perhaps even taking the step of understanding what motivated that person to behave as they did.Makes it possible. The other kind is a little dangerous for our type of emotional set up because we'll let them back in then- swing too dam far. Then also some well meaning person will have us accept 'our part' in the abuse ( there isn't any ) so we'll get around to kicking ourselves more and swing right around to re-engaging emotionally yet again with the asswipes through guilt. I don't mean to 'preach', so please don't think I am, just sort of see which sort of forgiveness dynamic is being worked on before launching into this thing, that's all. I don't do either, personally- don't know if that's good or bad. He's taken up enough of my life. He did what he did and God is dealing with him now- I'm done. If I'm wrong, God can tell me about it at some point when we speak in person.

    You deserve all your Peace, my dear, and a few milkshakes. :) Both require whipped cream. If your jeans are baggy in the butt, get different jeans. Whatever it takes to be nice to yourself.
    Gloria likes this.
  15. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    I am actually looking forward to seeing this psychiatrist next week. You see I have been friends (and in relationship with) psychiatrists. :laugh: I'm a very practical woman. If my plumbing needs work, I date a plumber. If I'm having a lot of medical problems, I date a doctor so I have my own personal physician. Of course, I had to date psychologists and psychiatrists because they found me just fascinating! I was an excellent specimin for them to analyze and try to manipulate. The psychiatrists that I have known did use their knowledge to manipulate people in their lives. I don't think it's anything bad. It's just what they are good at. I'm good at project managing so any body that I hire to work for me, I treat like the software developers and testers on my team. I admit to micro-manage because I know how to do concurrent activities and allocated resources and it drives me crazy when I see people being inefficient.

    When I had my horse at the stables, many of the women there were mental health professionals. I would ride with them sometimes and have so much fun diagnosing all the other people at the stable. I have gotten very good at detecting symptoms from being in therapy and being in ACOA. I love manic-depressant people when they are in their manic state. They are a riot! I don't think I will ever be stalked again because I think I understand the mind set of the stalkers. When you laugh at them and refuse to allow them to scare you, that is the most hurtful thing for them because they get their power from scaring you. I have broken many stalkers hearts by just laughing at them.

    Same things with flashers. There was a flasher in my neighborhood when my kids were growing up and sure enough I was bending down to look for a book at the library when I saw a little man with a helmut (the flasher was sticking his penis right in front of my face). I just looked up at the guy and told him that if I had such a tiny little penis, I would cover it up and not go around showing how deficient I was. He was crushed. I ran to the librarian and he was caught.

    I'm not depressed today. I am glad that I am going to a psychiatrist. I was so relieved. I was afraid that they would do a gynecological exam on me just to torture me about having a man put his finger inside me. I always go to women doctors if I have any choice because believe it or not, I still get inappropriate statements from male doctor.

    Last night I at three ice cream cones and about 8 root beer float ice cream bars. That's all I ate all day. I am such a health nut about eating right but it's 100 degrees outside and that's what I felt like doing. Since I am underweight I can get away with it just for now. If I start to get back to my normal weight then it's back to 100 calories Weight Watcher treats. I normally don't even eat sweets. I go to the therapist today and then the adjuster comes over. Thank God! My farm is a mess. I found out that they will only cover the trees that damaged the roof and fence and gates. So!!! Since the police messed up my right shoulder so badly, I am going to either fix or get another electric chain saw and by fall, I should have the trees done. It's a huge job and most of the time, I am not up to it. But I am going to use the wood to heat my house this summer.

    My son gave me a $190 gift certificate for Mother's Day. I made him try to get his money back but he couldn't so one of these days, I am going in for my spa treatment - manicure, pedicure, massage and facial. But I have to paint the deck and do all sorts of things around here and my nails are always broken and I am cut and scratched so I will wait until I can take a break and be foofy. I am off the internet dating thing. This guy who lives in Wisconsin came out of the blue when I placed an ad on Craigs list for plutonic traveling companion. I may be paranoid but I am pretty sure that it was a set up. He asked me if I knew a musician by the name of my ex???? Where did that come from? Then he always ask me about my lawsuit and when I told him that I would rather talk about something more pleasant, he became angry. I am pretty sure that he was working with my lawyers since he lives only a few blocks from their office in a city two hours from me.

    I have friend who have gambling addictions. I don't have any addictions that I know of but I do have a lot of animals (well taken care of so I'm not a hoarder). But I love to play blackjack on my computer. It's not real money and I got up to $3,000,000 and it keeps my mind occupied. Now, I have started playing blackjack for free on line. I am afraid that I will go one step further and start playing for money but since I have been doing this for three years and I know that even if I make it up to $3,000,000, I start to gamble more money and then I lose everything. I think I have enough self control not to gamble for money.

    My poor horses! It's going to be 110 and the flies are bugging them. I would hose them down but they don't like that. They sleep outside because when they are kept in side the barn their bodies heat it up like a furnace.

    Do take care of yourself Annie. I have gone through so many bad periods in my life and just remember nothing stays the same. One day, you will look back and remember how tough it was but it will be a distant memory.

    When you write, I understand completely what you are saying. I have triggers. I know I have triggers but yet when things happen, I find it very difficult to control my PTSD symptoms.

    HUgs,
    Gloria
  16. anni

    anni Bucephalus ( an old war horse ) Premium Member

    Oi! Yes, that guy sounds like trouble no matter what. Maybe treat him like you did the flasher right off the bat- should take care of things pretty quickly. Hee- I don't know what I'd do if confonted with a flasher but have always, always suspected a knee-jerk, nervous laugh thing would happen. Seriously- you'd KNOW it was a kook of the first water- couldn't be all that dangerous because where's the weapon? Mine always always loved weapons.You don't hear of them doing much- just displaying their wares, so to speak. Anyway- think I'd flee of course but always suspected it would make me do a sort of 'OMG NO WAY LOOK HAHAHAHA' thing first. Also IEW. I mean, face it- if there were anything attractive in there it would be presented in a magazine, not hidden under some dirty old coat and forced on the unsuspecting.

    I just hit something and made all the font enourmous, so had to start over. Also can't spell today so please excuse.
    I'd hose those gigis down anyway in this dreck. They're just playing you up because they know you're a big softy. Horses know what they can get away with- vaseline those heels and have at it. Heat stroke comes on awfully quickly, plus if any of yours have light skin under the hair keep a good weather eye on sunburn if they're out all day in this. Your Arab ok- black prob unless some idiot polluted the gene pool.Still- just being a big buttinski but to heck with if they like it or not-our kids hated baths also but we cleaned their little backsides. Soak those big beasties several times a day, let them sulk! :)

    T appointment in a couple so not thinking well. Hugs- and thanks Gloria. :)

    Anni
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  17. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    Thanks Anni,
    I am paying my deposit ($200) I hope for my cruise that only costs $699 in 2113. At least I will keep focused on something positive in the future.

    One reason (and there are so many) that I am so grateful to have my horses on my property is that Rosie (my gray Arabian) would get the most terrible sun burn on her snout. I would pay the stable boys to put sunscreen on her nose but she hated it. She also hated any aloe vera or anything that I tried to treat the sunburn with - too close to nose so the smell was too much. Thankfully, my horses have lots of shade in the paddocks with the huge tall oak trees and a 20 X 40 run in area that is cool and shaded. Rosie stays in the shade but Karma (chestnut) stays in the run in. He really hates the flies. I ordered another automatic aerosal fly dispenser for the run in but they are backordered and don't know when they will get it. There are absolutely no flies or mosquitos in my barn because I have the automatic sprayers at the both entrances.

    Hope your therapist appointment went well. I have one on Friday but very nervous (typical of patients) because my therapist will be going on vacation next week. I go to for my psychiatric exam next Wednesday.

    Good news is the adjuster came and gave me money to fix my farm. Now all I have to do is find a sober handyman in this area. I think sober handyman is an oxymoron. I had a guy install the front door.

    HUgs,
    Gloria
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  18. Confused Wingless

    Confused Wingless AKA AngelkeeperJ Premium Member

    Hi!
    I LOVE how you handled the flasher! You have an awesome sense of humor, and you are a true fighter! I enjoy reading your posts, and hope the lawsuit ends with a win for you!
    Have a blessed day!
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  19. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    My therapist told me that my sense of humor is what kept me alive. One of my favorite sayings is "Life is a trajedy for those who feel but Life is a comedy to those who think". Believe it or not, my friend started teasing me for being such a bully that I had to go try to beat up three big police officers that each was twice my weight. She made laugh so hard. It is so ridiculous that these huge police officers that outweigh me by 100 lbs. would feel threatened by someone who is so tiny and frail and was sitting with my legs crossed on the ground. The thought of me attacking anyone is so ridiculous that it is funny! Me?? A lawbreaker? A troublemaker? I was smiling and being so nice to them and that's what really freaks me out. It will be over soon. Thank AK!!
  20. James B.

    James B. New Member Premium Member

    Epic story, Gloria. Told with a lot of class, too. Well, glad for you it'll be over soon. Sorry you had to endure that.
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  21. anni

    anni Bucephalus ( an old war horse ) Premium Member

    Desitin ( Desatin?) cream. It's a zinc oxide-doesn't smell too much plus the little buggers can't get it off very well. It also heals the sunburn while it protects. You can buy it in the baby section at CVS or whereever. It's white so not unsightly, although it's kind of sticky. Anyway- try that for this beastly sun and her poor little pink nose- works! I used to give up and use fly hoods, altho ot all of them will tolerate one. Just used to hose the bejeesis outa the big guys, that's all, in this dreck.Used the sweat scraper after then let them just enjoy being damp for a bit. You people are getting NAILED with the heat, oh my! You stay cool, also, my dear! I'll bet you're one of THOSE women, who go out working in it anyway, aren't you? Just be careful!

    Do you have any immigrant populations where you are, if you're looking for a good handyman? I don't know if it's cultural or what, but my step daughter has found skilled, knowledgable, dependable craftsmen in her local Mexican community. Maybe it's because theirs is an older culture like ours used to be, where sons are raised to just plain KNOW things, you know? My husband loves it when we go there and there's some job they've been hired for- as well as they can with the language barrier they have a good old GUY talk about whatever it is- laying literally 2000 sq feet of tile or adding on the sun room or installing the new washer dryer. My husband just plain loves competant men and he says they've been perfectionists to the extreme. My daughter in law always is doing something to thier huge, huge house and my husband's eyes always light up when he sees the GUYS there.I think he's as happy to see them as he is the grandchildren! Very, very pleasant, also, again probably cultural.I don't think other societies have lost the whole 'pleasant' requirement when speaking to each other like we seem to have for the most part. If you have such a community in your area, and are having an awful time finding good craftsmen it's a good idea to check into this, anyway.

    Back to the wars. Sigh.Much xo.

    Anni
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  22. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    There is a very high percentage of Mexicans in my area. I don't know how to contact them. When I put ads in the papers, the Mexicans don't answer the ads possibly because they can't read. I was very fond of the Mexican men that worked at the stables and I kept my horses at stables for years before buying my own place. I know they are very good people and always happy.

    I have to take MMPI. I may start a thread to see if anyone else has every taken this. Apparently the police attorneys are going to send me a "slimeball" (as my lawyer described him) psychiatrist and I will be given the MMPI. Well, of course I looked up all I could find out about it. I read that lawyers hire psychiatrists to interpret the results in their favor so they could call me histrionic or a compulsive liar. I took a sample test on line which showed anxiety, physical problems, PTSD, depression but my score for honesty was right on the border. It's very difficult to answer questions. It asks questions about my family. My family is my sons but maybe I should include my estranged family whom I never see or talk to. Or my brother and sister who are dead? I am going to get a book on the test.

    I also read on the internet that this test is used to discredit people. And I know that this particular attorney does not have a private practice but makes a living tesifying in court. So what is he going to do? Tell the truth or bend the truth to keep his client happy and keep his good reputation of testifying so that the person hiring him wins?

    It just makes me more disgusted about this. I'm actually getting really bad nightmares again just thinking about having to talk about this to the psychiatrist. I am afraid of someone who is so knowledgable in psychiatry that he might label me and this is the first time in my life when I know I'm sane. I don't lose want to lose that
  23. brat17

    brat17 VIP Member

    Gloria-this goes along with your position at the moment. Your doing the right thing. And, You cannot fake the MMPI-it has a fake factor-not that you are trying-but what I am saying is that they cannot label you what you are not either and that is good.
    Just remember that you are doing this for the good of all-stay strong for all of us that did not have a voice- and just answer honestley and dont even try to figure the test out. You will be fine. Hugs... and I will be thinking of you. Good luck... The Brat
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  24. Gloria

    Gloria I'm taking those lemons and making lemonaide!

    Thanks, Brat. I did take a sample test and it showed I am honest. I started to think about honesty. I went to AA for years and I didn't have an drinking problem. I was married to an alcoholic and he suggested that I might look into if I also had a drinking problem so I went to an AA meeting and just found it to be like a really good support group and it was okay if I didn't have a drinking problem because it was better to join AA and not need it than to not join AA. It was a good program - until I started to realize that my biggest problem was my Alcoholic father and being around recovering alcoholics that weren't healthy triggered my problems so I quit but I still don't drink and I got to ACOA meetings. But even ACOA meetings don't quite do it for me. Some of the people have dependant or histrionic personality disorders (in my opinion) and have this victim mentality that angers me because I can't afford to see myself as a victim. Also in AA, people stuck together and returned phone calls but ACOA people always seem to be having a crisis of their own and weren't there for me. So until I found this site, I was not able to really understand what PTSD was and it helps me so much (especially you Brat) to find someone who has had similar traumas.

    My doctor says that if I continue to see her for two years that I should have this PTSD incident behind me.

    My fear is that this guy is going to label me bi-polar or something and I have worked so hard to see myself as a sane person with PTSD.
    brat17 likes this.
  25. The Albatross

    The Albatross A product of decisions rather than circumstances Premium Member

    Sending you warm thoughts and wishes... you named your fear. Is there anything you can do (stress reduction, pain control, nutrition, rest, etc) that will cast you in the best possible light? Center down before you see him and all you can do is the best you can do.
    brat17 and Gloria like this.
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