Hi, I found myself here because I need to talk to people who understand the hurt and the struggle even if they have been fortunate enough to get help. For a bit of background...I'm 39 and have always struggled emotionally since I was a kid, it got worse once I got married/had kids (just wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear, pain in the hollow of my chest, uncontrollable crying) and this led me to seek professional help.
It was then that I was made aware of just how huge the impact of being sexually abused by my brother (for about 4 years on and off) had on my entire life. - emotions, relationships, personality, choices, parenting. I was a textbook therapy case really - EMDR, hugely painful, told my husband, mother, father, brother, sister - all hugely painful, cut off ties with brother. Biggest change therapy has had is that the crippling anxiety I have had since childhood has been 'turned off'.
But now I feel empty, more functional, less anxiety but still so scared of being rejected. My thinking is scattered and dull...melancholy. Feel inadequate at work and as parent. It feels like all the hard work regarding PTSD has been completed and now what...? I feel used up and without family. I have become hardened and joyless and incapable of communicating. Am in process of deciding if reconnecting with my brother is a good idea or not.
It was then that I was made aware of just how huge the impact of being sexually abused by my brother (for about 4 years on and off) had on my entire life. - emotions, relationships, personality, choices, parenting. I was a textbook therapy case really - EMDR, hugely painful, told my husband, mother, father, brother, sister - all hugely painful, cut off ties with brother. Biggest change therapy has had is that the crippling anxiety I have had since childhood has been 'turned off'.
But now I feel empty, more functional, less anxiety but still so scared of being rejected. My thinking is scattered and dull...melancholy. Feel inadequate at work and as parent. It feels like all the hard work regarding PTSD has been completed and now what...? I feel used up and without family. I have become hardened and joyless and incapable of communicating. Am in process of deciding if reconnecting with my brother is a good idea or not.