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Dom Violence System Fails Domestic Abuse...we Aren't Protected

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There was a lady on Dr Phil came to talk about her domestic abuse relationship among other women on the show that has. The system failed her and currently she is held with hope while he's in prison that he gets put away. This lady lost her eye and etc. She repeatedly called the police and as we experienced...nothing has happened. It's ashame that we have to be in violent situations to get our stories heard or dead to get the system to work. Tracy Thurman case should have been an eye opening.
My ex beat me repeatedly, took over my household, chased me, and threatened my life. I went into the prosecutor office with blood on my shirt and strangle marks on my neck, they told me that he filed first and I couldn't file against him. I had over 20 police calls to my house that was held for 1 hr 30 min.
The prosecutor told me I couldn't get an order of protection because it's all about who you know. His mom works for the State and strings were pulled. last year I finally got justice. This man beat my ass for 2 years. He took my phone, he threw me around the house, kicked down my door and etc. The justice system doesn't take this seriously at all.
 
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Domestic violence and abuse situations are incredibly complex.

I think the justice system has frequently failed for a number reasons. I think one of the reasons is they give up, because often the victim goes back to the perpetrator and the cycle of abuse repeats itself. If the victim drops the charges continually, I think the law tends to start blowing it off.

In order for victims of domestic abuse to successfully leave #1 they have to be ready, #2 it has to be their choice, #3 they have to have resources and a support system.

When a person is in a domestic abusive relationship, it is so incredibly confusing emotionally and the longer it goes on the more emotional dependency on their perpetrator they become. It's hard to get out of that cycle.

Taking someone's phone so that they can't call for help is a federal offense.

I'm sorry you haven't felt like your being taken seriously. I hope you get the support you need.
 
There was a lady on Dr Phil came to talk about her domestic abuse relationship among other women...
I have given up hope a long time ago that predators will be stopped. The best defense is an early offense. It is painful to eliminate want to be predators out of my path, they attempt to punish me for eliminating them before they even get the chance to get too close. But that is better than being killed.

What is also important is the fact that predators in this country do not care about whether anyone is married, already has someone that cares for them or not. Predators simply do not give a crap about that. That is another very important lesson and now I know it does not matter at all for a woman whether she is married, in a relationship or not. She always has to protect herself against predators like that. And a woman has to learn to be strong enough to do that because otherwise she will sink, because there are predators everywhere.
 
System fails terribly for many reasons that I won't go into.
Dated a guy for a short time and called police when he choked me but he took off in his car and was arrested later that night on unrelated charge of intoxication. Then I attempted to help him as a friend for awhile as he was in legal trouble, but had plenty of money.

After few months, I had enough and quit talking to him. That is when things escalate. He stalked me at work...I had to change my schedule. He called to talk but I refused. He got a girlfriend and got her to do things as well. He said someone stole something from his porch and blamed me, etc. I attempted to ignore. He sent me a one way plane ticket after threatening me repeatedly.

I started calling police to report. My daughters car was set on fire and he said he did it. Finally, his girlfriend left a message threatening my life and was arrested. Then he kept calling and police got on my phone and told him to stop, he laughed and told "Officer...tell her she is dead"...so he was arrested.

They were both told to leave me alone for 6 months and it would be dropped. He got a DUI in about 3 months and went to prison. In his mind, it was my fault he got a DUI because I reported him for threats which caused him to drink. (I knew him a year and he had 17 DUI unknown to me). Money talks, millions $$$ and his daddy got him out of everything. After he went to prison, I was assaulted by cop who thought I was his girlfriend...Ironic huh.

I attempted to seek justice through court for cops behavior...Well he ended up getting arrested for....assaulting his girlfriend and putting a gun to her head...He is now a meter maid. All the lives ruined because of this crap. It is all about who you are. I worked for DV for years before and I can tell you, cops get off and so do their buddies and pay offs.

Crappy system not designed to help victims but to keep people employed. That is all...employ folks through grants. Best advice...get a gun!
 
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Im so so sorry about your experience, I agree with Gia1019,
also I wasn't aware that someone taking our phone when we are calling for help is a federal offence in the U.S, im glad it is.

I think the main reason for my anger is because of a failed justice system, including school superiors which should have picked up on some warning signs .

And this thing seems to be a common theme with many here as well that people in authority didnt help us , or not enough, when they should have. It makes us feel like life is unfair, and we start to feel resentment.
But, over time, positive life experiences can change this.
 
I live in a very misogynistic area and I believe that many men try to use the system to prove that women are as violent as men...and they are not. I am not defending women, but we are physically weaker and therefore do other things that use physical violence in relationships. (not saying no women are violent). Lots of good old boys where I live.

I didn't know that was a federal offense either.
 
The cop that assaulted me, within about a year, he had a girlfriend who was trying to get away from him and she pulled her car door shut and it hit him,,,,he had her arrested, got her mugshot off the internet and posted it on FB to humiliate her. She got an attorney and he was evidently disciplined. A couple yrs later, he assaulted his girl friend in front of her children and put a gun to her head, he was arrested and suspended with pay. That is a total of 3 complaints in short time.

They worked out a deal for him, that he plead no contest to the DV and the brandishing a weapon charge be dropped. He would be on probation and could return to work on desk duty and 75% pay after a period. However, there is a state law that he could not carry a gun so not be an officer again, otherwise he would be back on the force...maybe will somewhere some day...for now...meter maid.

I think there should be a registry for DV offenders, just like sex offenders so we can all see who they are and avoid them.
 
I live in a very misogynistic area and I believe that many men try to use the system to prove that women...

I see what you're saying.
I didnt know it was like that in the u.s.

Where I'm from men are stigmatised often in family and dv court matters. So in my end of the pond I experienced the opposite, and the perpetrator. A woman , is probably one of the physically strongest people I know unfortunately. And extremely violent. I've got really good luck !! *heavy sarcasm* she took advantage of the bias against men a lot.
 
Roslie-Some women are very strong physically, and learn to use violence as a way to control. However, most women do realize that they are not as physically strong as men and may use verbal and psychological abuse against men.. Im sorry you encountered this. When this happens, men may have a much more difficult time than women even.

I know that where I live, abused men are not taken seriously too often as well. (even though there are less of them, it is no excuse). When it escalates to physical abuse, it is no longer just about stealing self esteem and confidence, but may be lethal, and the physical abuse is accompanied by verbal as well.

Since girls learn young that they are not as physically strong as males, often they learn other methods to control males. All forms of abuse and control are bad and have devastating consequences, and I am not minimizing the effects of verbal abuse as it is very damaging, but can be repaired. Some physical damages are unrepairable and leads to physical disability.
 
There was a lady on Dr Phil came to talk about her domestic abuse relationship among other women...
Unfortunately, I cannot disagree... the system has tried to change but there have been few changes and it depends on where you are, who responds to the calls, and the situation. It's a complicated problem because so many women won't go to the police and won't prosecute. Then there are women like you who try to get help... it's so hard to get it right. In general though, crimes against women and children are not prosecuted. We have to do better.
 
It took me 10 years to get any kind of "help" through the court system. I have a daughter, and anytime I would attempt to get away from my ex, the court system would make it incredibly difficult. They would let my ex get away with everything from skipping court ordered drug tests to not attending anger management classes or going to rehab. I was once in a court setup for domestic violence victims and they almost cost me my job by trying to force me to attend a 3 week long domestic violence group therapy class that was everyday during my work hours. I had to have my lawyer file paperwork to have me setup with something different.

I was given a 5 year stay away order but only after he broke my face and ribs. He had choked me and kicked me in the back before, and he had raped me while we were married, and no one would help me until I had very physical proof he hurt me. But even then, he tried to flip the story that I "fell" and it was an "accident".

My ex got free lawyers, where as I paid for mine. He never had to pay any child support because he was labeled indigent. He has never had to do anything. He was allowed to file petition after petition against me, which cost me a fortune, cost him nothing.

I was terrified of this man for a very long time, and it took me moving 400 miles away from him with my daughter and leaving my old life behind to even be able to heal. A police officer told me that it normally takes 7 years after a divorce for the abusers to give up or at least not be so violent. It's getting there, but I recently had a court date and I honestly hope it was the last. He just seemed like he was seriously mentally ill, and the judge finally saw through everything. He was trying to put on a good show for his current girlfriend, who apparently had no clue of anything that had happened, but was already upset that she was financing him because he hasn't working in probably 15 years. The judge had ordered him to pay my travel expenses and possibly legal fees, and his girlfriend looked like she was going to throw up.

If you stick to it and never give in, sometimes even compromise is not a good idea with an abuser, I think you'll eventually see something positive from the courts. But they will do a number on you. The amount of money I spent on legal fees over the years could have paid for my daughter's college for all 4 years.

But to add to that, my ex has never been prosecuted of any crimes no matter what he has done. The worst he ever got was a misdemeanor harassment/trespassing charge.
 
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