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Other Tbi???

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Virtues

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Is anyone also suffering from a TBI?

I finally built up the courage to start scratching the surface on some of my past, a little back log:

approx 7 years ago I was blown up by an IED. I was knocked unconcious, and when I came to my patrol was taking enemy fire (I should clarify my PTSD does not stem from my deployment with the military) I slowly got myself oriented and carried on with the mission...

fast forward... now back to the issues that caused the PTSD... In March my wife attempted suicide (I was the first responder) In April my daughter fell off her bunk bed and fractured both eye sockets, her nose, the side of her skull, and her occipital bone.

now I'm back on track. now with the issues I've been dealing with. My youngest daughter was diagnosed with hemiplegic cerebral palsy, and I'm going through a potential career ending back surgery (now recovery). anyways, as if my life isn't complex enough, prior to the surgery they upped my dosage of Neurotin to 3000mg. I started getting really violent headaches, so they switched me to Topimax and did an MRI of my head...

Now getting to the TBI part and my original story. So... yeah MRI shows that I "had" a TBI so they ask me. Have you ever had a concussion. I didn't even remember at first but after connecting the dots I figured out this is the only time I've been knocked out.

Anyways, I meet with the Wounded Warriors Battalion about my back surgery, because like I said it's more than likely career ending, and I tell my Recovery Care Coordinator this. She asks if I ever received my purple heart, which I didn't, so she set me on the path to do that. Anyways, I haven't been able to start this quest the anxiety has been to high. I finally decided I would start with something familiar and contact some guys from the unit for the witness statement part of it. The very first person I contacted told me I was a disgrace and I didn't rate it, that I brought dishonor to all those that did. I don't think I can do this by myself.

I literally feel crushed right now. Maybe he's right maybe I don't deserve it. The funny thing is outside of staying in the armed services it really doesn't have any benefits. Sure you can get free license plates and front of the line at the VA, but that's not why I'm doing it. It would make my daughters eligible for scholarships later on in life. That's all I really hope to get out of it. I don't mean to be a disgrace to anyone. Yet my command wont help me, even my old friends wont help me.

I don't understand how I can hold rock solid medical documentation in my hand and I still get treated like a peddler, when the ironic thing is I'm not even pursuing this for myself. why in my anatomy and physiology class when asked what is the most "IMPORTANT" body system; did 50% say the neurological system and not 1 say the muscular/skeletal system, yet in the military the only injury that gets looked at as real is the one that leave a trail of blood or bone fragment.

If anyone felt like hanging in there to read this far, I'm confused, aggrivated, my anxiety is peaked, obviously I have no friends and no outlet and my PTSD has consumed me to what I see as the lowest form of life. I'm doing my regular visits to the witch doctors and on my meds, but after being told that today I got nothing left. Need something positive if anything has anything inspiring to give....
 
That person who told you you were a disgrace is a disgrace. I can't tell you how angry that makes me, and how sorry I am all this happened to you. Do not listen to those who tell lies. Only listen for the truth. The truth will resonate. It will bring you a calm knowing deep inside.

You are going thru so much right now. So much. Your character and physical self are being sorely tried. You will get thru this. At your core is the strength of steel. I hope you continue to pursue healing at all levels. Sending light.
 
I believe you are worthy of the Purple Heart. Its is not awarded but earned. It is earned by injury or death from war or peace keeping actions. So whomever told you, you would disgrace it, is ignorant. The Purple Heart is not a traditional medal but instead very few can obtain it, its specifically earned once you meet the requirements. The requirements are active duty and injured or killed by an instrument of war in the line of duty. This is not a word for word quote but a paraphrase. As a active duty member, I am angered at those that would stand in the way of you being given what you have already earned. I agree that blood and bone injuries are more readily accepted, even today as the military works even harder to treat unseen injuries with a more open mind. I hope your surgery enables you to be cleared and that your branch recognizes this and allows you to finish your career. I know that is a long shot, but it is still there. And I understand the feeling of being treated as a peddler and I am deeply saddened that a active duty war vet is treated as such. You earned your Purple Heart, go get it. And wear it with pride. :)
 
Thank you both. Tympre I have a question for you. As an active duty member maybe you can give me some insight. Lately I have been thinking of walking away. I don't want a med-board. I want to return to full duty and EAS. Now here's the part that makes me question my sanity. I know I'm not in the right frame of mind, I know this. I love what I do, more then anything, but am I being selfish? Do I step away now with my head up and pass the baton and make way for someone younger and healthier than me, or do I fake it, and be that broke guy that no one has any faith in? I'm not ready to take off the uniform, but I'm afraid I'd have to lower my morals to keep it on, what do I do?
 
The very first person I contacted told me I was a disgrace and I didn't rate it, that I brought dishonor to all those that did.

They are wrong in thinking this. I am sorry that they said that. How terrible.

I should clarify my PTSD does not stem from my deployment with the military

Hmmmm....Added stress of what you describe, I don't think it helped your PTSD at all. What was it from? If you had a traumatic childhood and then are in combat then that probably added to your PTSD. I terribly raped many times as a teenager and miscarried a child all by myself, that caused my PTSD. My childhood was neglectful and hurtful, didn't cause my PTSD but it did add more bricks to my back so to speak and made me more vulnerable. You know what I mean?

There is also a combat PTSD site just for veterans. mycombatptsd.com It is run and started by Anthony, the same guy who started this forum. You may want to check that out too! :)

Take care and I hope you feel better soon.
 
I cant answer your question on whether to stay or walk, only you can. My tidal wave of ptsd came last summer and almost drowned my last September. Mine is also not combat related. I will tell you that I wont rate a med board as my issues are not considered a disability. Its more than just whether to med board or not. Its your future. If you go to med board you could get retirement. If not you wont. It is incredibly hard to return to full duty after a limited duty status and still have the next command accept you. In my branch they use convenience of the government separations as a downsizing tool. If you are not in your right mind, how could you be fit for full? Not by military standards but by yours. See your desire is to return to Fit for full and separate at EAOS. If this is your desire then do this. But never fake it. You can get us killed. I would rather stand beside someone willing and able than unwilling or unable.See its my life on the line, and the lives of those around me. Not only would you endanger those around you by faking it, but you cheat yourself out of treatment and benefits. To me this is not a moral issue. I am not ready to take my uniform off either, but it is what it is. You need to take care of you, not the uniform right now. Its you who will be there long after that uniform is no longer worn. Its you you have to live years with past your service. Heal yourself, then worry about walking or staying. Without healing yourself you are no good to anyone, not even yourself. This is the hardest thing for me to do, especially after 16 years of service.
 
My PTSD was caused by back to back first responder calls to my own house. the first being on my wife for her drug overdose, the second being for my daughter's tbi from her fall a month later (this is the one i kind of broke down on). the added stress was my back injury. I had been going through it for almost a year trying everything to avoid surgery, but 6 months after these events happened, i'd be under the knife, and my future is still uncertain. I guess dealing with my youngest with CP in itself is exhausting she has more medical appointments a week then the rest of the family combined, plus since they started jacking me up with meds I haven't been sleeping. So it's really a mix of things.

There are times I want to call the police and have myself arrested, because I'm afraid I'm going to hurt or kill someone, but the feeling only lasts a few seconds and then it's gone. I've been having trouble focusing my energy and it comes out in such uncontrolled short bursts, that it scares me as to what I could do if it gets worse. There are times I literally, like a ninja movie, kill an entire room inside my head in a blind fury without even raising an eyebrow, and what's scary is I don't feel like I have control of it when it happens. Driving is the worst, or in a crowded place.
 
Strange you write this as I choose to retire vice face two med boards. My command said they would back me tooth and nail. I'm not stable and the active duty shrink would just tear me apart. Its not worth the fight I told them, just let me retire.

I still have this battle with the va later. By the way, you can give more than your life for your country. They never tell you, you might loose part of your mind and body and have to live with it.
 
I don't know the reason I bring it up, is, as the headaches get worse, so do these fits of rage. Does the witch doctor have me on some bad dope, or is this just the TBI talking? Honestly I don't know the diffrence between the pain from one injury to the next. I feel like I'm falling apart, and I feel like it started with pills. As harmless as Neurotin seems that's where it started and I haven't been right since. That gave me headaches, the Cortizone injections in my spine gave me insomnia, now I feel like I'm going crazy.
 
@keifer You are completely right about the VA being a fight. I also love the fact that your can lose more than your life for your country. Congratulations on being able to retire!! It is wonderful your command is so supportive!
 
@Florian7051 If you are having those thoughts please go get help. The ER at the military hospital here would easily hold you for a few days if you wanted, to ensure you were ok. I think you need more aid than a forum can give, if you are starting to question whether or not you are safe from hurting yourself or others, especially after serving in war.
 
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