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Terrified of medication

Discussion in 'Medications & Substances' started by Arebas, Aug 5, 2017.

  1. Arebas

    Arebas Active Member

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    I haven't been here for a really long time... I left my regular T for a trauma specialist and things have really changed for me. I'm in a much better place now. New T has earned my trust and has shown me such support that I've felt comfortable enough to let my guard down. I dissociate and I've also allowed some of the parts to contact her directly. Something I could never do with my previous T. But, the other day, I had a terrible nightmare and I woke up and a part that was really scared sent her an email explaining all she had dreamed.
    When I read it in the morning, some parts of the nightmare were very obviously sexual references. It was mostly a bunch of weird men trying to force me to put snakes and fish into my mouth. That wasn't too subtle. So I go into the session feeling all embarrassed but my T, as usual, was caring and calm and she really wanted to comfort the part that had been so afraid of those images. So we discuss the nightmare and other nightmares I've had and I'm feeling good and I talk and talk and tell her a lot of things that scare me that I never gave much thought about cause, we all have nightmares and weird fears and stuff, right?
    But then she says that some of those fears and weird things can be eased down with medication cause, in fact, not everybody has those fears and weird feelings. She says what i have is clearly complex trauma and PTSD but I do share a lot of symptoms with psychosis. She made a point of clarifying that I am not in any way psychotic, just, I have a few things that would benefit from psychosis medication.
    That hit me hard.
    Part of me thinks that it's great that I can just take a pill and get rid of a million very annoying things that have been making my life so difficult but other parts are terrified because that implies that there really is something very wrong with me. Not that I didn't realise that something wasn't right before, but... I don't know... it became really real for the first time.
    And now I have to decide whether or not I want to give medication a try and I just can't even think about it without getting all messed up inside. And I'm stuck and I just can't figure out what I want, what I need, or what I should do. :unsure:
    Have any of you been in this situation where you're offered medication as an option but completely up to you cause you can very well do without it? Does medication really help you?

    I've just realised there is a whole thread for medication. Oy. Sorry. :(
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 5, 2017
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  3. zoie33

    zoie33 Active Member

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    I totally understand your fears.I have DID and my therapist asked me to see a psychiatrist for meds for my suicidal tendencies. They ended up doubling my Lexapro and adding Rexulti which is an antipsychotic. I do not want to take an antipsychotic pill but she said it would calm the voices meaning my parts. My therapist said it's not going to make my parts go away but it'll make it a little harder to hear them. The psychiatrist also said it will enhance the antidepressant. I can't say that I believe that but I do feel a bit better now. I don't want to be on the antipsychotic for long I'm hoping to be off by the beginning of the year. My therapist said that the purpose of the meds is just too calm me down a bit until therapy has more time to work. As I get stronger through therapy we can decrease the meds and still keep me relatively stable. Keep in mind the meds may help you while you're getting stronger through therapy and you don't have to be on them forever. I decided I would give it a try I trust my therapist with everything else. Honestly I don't care about my suicidal tendencies but I know he does and they are actually worse than he even knows. Good luck to you I know it's hard to decide to take meds.
     
    Arebas and Neverthesame like this.
  4. Neverthesame

    Neverthesame A Mind The Dead Have Ravaged Premium Member Donated

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    Another thing to note. Using your post as a example.
    The classification of a drug prescribed to you, is not a diagnosis for you. Many drugs have an "off label" usage. Meaning that a drug designed and marketed for one thing, can be found to have a benefit for someone who has something totally unrelated.

    A great example of this would be Prazosin. It's a drug which is labelled for the treatment of Hypertension (high blood pressure). It's also frequently prescribed "off label" for people who suffer from anxiety related insomnia and nightmares, commonly associated with PTSD.
    You do not have to have high blood pressure to be prescribed this drug. Just as taking it doesn't mean you now are a cardiac patient. It's just a label.

    But, it's not your label. Just the drugs.
    Being prescribed it doesn't mean you have a psychotic illness. Or that you crossed some invisible threshold from eccentric to looney tunes.

    I understand why the word "antipsychotic" gives people pause. It's not a conformable label to associated with. I felt the same way when I was prescribed Seroquil (antipsychotic) to see if it would help with my insomnia.
    I immediately thought "woah. Hold on there doc. Antipsychotic?"
    Before I got the sentence out of my mouth, my doctor held up her hands and said. "The therapeutic dosage for the treatment of psychotic illnesses is far higher than I'm giving you. Low doses just make people sleepy". She was absolutely correct about that, I checked. :bookworm:
    Mind you, it didn't work for the insomnia. But it didn't mess with my brain in any other way either.

    On the whole, I don't like being on medication either. But sometimes I know I need to be. It doesn't have to be a permanent thing. For me it always has been temporary. I've spent more time off medication than on. But they really can help you stay on the stay on the stable side, while you work through the harder things. Or when life dumps extra crap on your shoulders you aren't ready for.
     
    Arebas, zoie33, Naoru and 1 other person like this.
  5. Arebas

    Arebas Active Member

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    Thank you both for your replies. They were really helpful and made me feel less alone and less scared. I had an extra session with my T just to deal with this and we have decided that we will not use medication for now, since it was creating too much stress and that was far from what she intended. It's an option that I can now be aware of but we won't go there for now.

    I hope the meds help you get back to a nicer, safer place @zoie33 . I liked knowing they can be temporary and not necessarily a thing for life. It's great that you trust your T and allow yourself to be helped. I really hope the suicidal voices quiet down a bit and you can find a little peace.

    And thank you too, @Neverthesame It's true that the label is on the med, not us. I hadn't thought of it that way. And you said what my T said, that the meds help when things get too hard so we can continue working. Like having a little push when going up hill. Once you're done with the slope, you can walk on your own again.
     
  6. shatter eyes

    shatter eyes Member

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    Hey

    We paddling same boat!
    I mostly on antipsych and psychoactive meds until i realized i dont know myself anymore. We aint gineau pigs.. each body chemistry different and trauma affects our physiology bigtime. Otherwise i be sleeping like baby now at 3am. Instead the seroquel went on strike.

    Appropriate and monitored medications can be helpful but shoot in the dark here u go try this pill can kill.

    I am a believer in natural medicines as our biology is still organic. Our reactions to trauma to avoid fight flight freeze brings us back to primitive self.

    I learned alot about my meds and pushed for a review. Now i am on less.

    Neurofeedback i do support as it trains the brain.

    I too am scare also
     
  7. Arebas

    Arebas Active Member

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    Oh, sorry you are awake at 3am. It's midday here in Spain :) We are all different, you're right, the basic chemical principles may apply to all but to each in a slightly different way. I'm glad you pushed to have your meds reviewed and now adapt better to you, even with some glitches. Maybe a bit more to adapt cause it's important to know one self! I hope you see some benefits from taking them soon, since you were so brave and went for it. I can understand your fear but like some previous posters said, it's not forever and it's not a label on you, just the meds. If they work, hooray. If they don't, we can always try something else.

    Want me to sing you a song to lull you back to sleep? I sing horribly so I do not advise that...
     
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