Whyteferret
MyPTSD Pro
I made a huge mistake this morning. I noticed that I needed a few things at the store that I forgot yesterday.
The only store open within walking distance is Walmart. Buses don't run Sundays.
I walked down. Four things. The store wasn't all that busy for a Sunday. But, there was noise, bright lights, echoing sounds, people in all directions. My anxiety started raising immediately. I wasn't sure about store layout so it had to look for an item. I was jumpy, pulse racing.
I got to the self checkouts. Normal lines were really long. I was having trouble with the machine. One of those loud overhead announcements came over. I jumped, instant fight or flight. I basically ran out of the store at that point.
This was pretreated with lorazepam. Outside is easier than inside. I took the other half of the dose and walked home.
I exhausted, in tears. But totally numb now.
I really like numb. It's better than almost everything else I feel.
I think I'd like to choose numb. Even knowing I'd miss the good parts of life too. Numb feels good.
The only store open within walking distance is Walmart. Buses don't run Sundays.
I walked down. Four things. The store wasn't all that busy for a Sunday. But, there was noise, bright lights, echoing sounds, people in all directions. My anxiety started raising immediately. I wasn't sure about store layout so it had to look for an item. I was jumpy, pulse racing.
I got to the self checkouts. Normal lines were really long. I was having trouble with the machine. One of those loud overhead announcements came over. I jumped, instant fight or flight. I basically ran out of the store at that point.
This was pretreated with lorazepam. Outside is easier than inside. I took the other half of the dose and walked home.
I exhausted, in tears. But totally numb now.
I really like numb. It's better than almost everything else I feel.
I think I'd like to choose numb. Even knowing I'd miss the good parts of life too. Numb feels good.