My anger is a monster.
As it escalates, reason slips away, a faint voice lost in the cacophony of screaming.
Gandalf's thundercloud temper, rising in stature and power, staff thrust upward.
The violent storm, black clouds, lightning all through the sky, shocking the earth.
The Incredible Hulk, past the point of self-possession, clothes literally bursting at the seams.
My anger is the expression of my nightmare self: rising from the shadows to protect and avenge me.
I am struggling with it mightily, again, these last few days. I am losing my voice to it: my throat burns with noises I wrestle with myself to contain. My heart burns, limbs tense, muscles ache. The catalog of things I want to shatter and break grows as it continues unabated.
I try to heal it, soothe it, let it abate. I sometimes try to be kind, other times rely on a coping box (thank you Abstract for that useful concept), other times vent to my therapist. Sometimes, I can let it out in a smash of glass, beating the structure out of boxes until they are mangled. At the worst times, my family sees it. That's the time I'm trying to avoid now.
As it escalates, reason slips away, a faint voice lost in the cacophony of screaming.
Gandalf's thundercloud temper, rising in stature and power, staff thrust upward.
The violent storm, black clouds, lightning all through the sky, shocking the earth.
The Incredible Hulk, past the point of self-possession, clothes literally bursting at the seams.
My anger is the expression of my nightmare self: rising from the shadows to protect and avenge me.
I am struggling with it mightily, again, these last few days. I am losing my voice to it: my throat burns with noises I wrestle with myself to contain. My heart burns, limbs tense, muscles ache. The catalog of things I want to shatter and break grows as it continues unabated.
I try to heal it, soothe it, let it abate. I sometimes try to be kind, other times rely on a coping box (thank you Abstract for that useful concept), other times vent to my therapist. Sometimes, I can let it out in a smash of glass, beating the structure out of boxes until they are mangled. At the worst times, my family sees it. That's the time I'm trying to avoid now.
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