• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

General The Angry Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
I'm angry that you just came waltzing back with a "Hey babe, what's up?" What's up is I was just online checking the obituaries and crime blotter to make sure you weren't dead or arrested! I'm angry that you weren't taking your meds this past week. I'm angry that you have been drinking way too much, and around some "new friends" who appear to be meth heads, even if one is a fellow vet. I'm angry that you didn't consider anybody but yourself while you were off having a grand ole time.

I am angry that you think you know it all just because you are the sufferer. Well guess what sugar-britches... you've never been a supporter, so you don't know jack or sh!t about how that feels! You say all the time that I will never be able to understand what having PTSD is like. Well duh, how could I? BUT at least I am empathetic to your situation. Don't dismiss my feelings because I didn't get blown up or shot.

Go ahead and drink up with your new friends (one of whom went through your pockets while you were asleep... that's awesome). Go be an inconsiderate ass. Go wallow in your own mess. Just don't come staggering back up here to me in that state. Give me a call when you are tired of stomping all over our agreed upon boundaries and are ready to act like an adult.

What happened to my sweet reasonable man? He has been replaced by a petulant douche!
 
I'm angry that you can't decide for sure what the best path is for you. I understand you have issues, I'm dealing with those everyday. I'm the one you lash out when angry (because you know I'll allow you to do so...my mistake...but I want you to always feel safe with me).

I'm angry that you called me in the middle of the night to come pick you up because you drank too much. And had a woman give me her address to get you (I understand there's nothing between the two of you, it still sucked).

I'm angry that you spend days with me. At your insistance and then disappear and shut me out when you're feeling down. And then when you snap out of it, you just show up at my door.

I'm angry that you tell me you struggle with being ok without me in your life, then back to wanting a relationship with me. It's so hard, and I don't know why I allow myself to ride the roller coaster. Thankfully at this point in my life I have no expectations from you whatsoever. I'll always be there for you. But if my life moves on without you, so be it.

I love you, I really do. But I'm so freaking mad.
 
I am angry that a week has gone by and no one has rung to see how hubby is after his melt down last Friday.

He is fine, but that's not the point.
 
I'm just angry that you find being ugly and mean funny. I'm upset you aren't the man that used to give somewhat of a sh*t. I love you but sometimes I feel like you take advantage of my kindness.

I used to be weak and young but I have grown up and don't ask for much but to know in general I'm loved and not just here so you aren't alone!

In a few months you will return home from hell and I guess we will see if 16 years can hold this mess together or if this has come to an end. Maybe an end to all this madness would be positive before the PTSD you had problems staying faithful and caused me health problems. I'm just p*ssed.
 
I am angry that the future I had planned is no longer there. I now have to take on this life alone. All the responsibility of our life now is up to me. I am angry I have to make all the decisions, and most of the time I feel like a single parent. I am upset that I can not say all the things I want to say to you, for fear of making you feel worse. I am angry that it has only been six months since this all began and it already feels like it has been six years. I am angry that after 14 years of devotion, waiting at home for you to return from a deployment, or putting my life second to the needs of the Army that this is what I get.

I am new to this forum but have lurked for a while. I do not feel so alone anymore....
 
I am angry about my car...

We have planned for the past three years to sell it. Every time it fails its MOT or some part of it falls off, we have the whole "it must go" conversation. It is registered in his name so technically it's his car yet I drive it, I pay for each and every £600 MOT failure, each and every £500 repair bill, each and every £90 tank of fuel, £250 road tax and £450 insurance. All his tax, fuel, insurance etc is paid through the business.

Every time he says, oh just sell it and get what you want. Every time I find something I want he says he's not driving one of those and the whole plan falls apart. AGAIN!

So finally I made a decision. It has to go and it's going on Ebay on Monday. I will do it - the same as it was me that sold his last car after it sat rusting away for three years. I will get off my backside and do something about it.

I was going to book it in to get it valleted this week - but aparently that's a waste of money. We're doing it ourselves - I will tell you on Monday if that actually means Us or Me.

He opened his van door on to the side of it the other week leaving a big dent and a scuff - he wanted to sort it out with wire wool!!! Bit like the time he decided to sandpaper a mark off the fridge. He got rid of the mark ok - he also took the white coating and half the metal off too.

My main rant is - most other people have husbands who sort out their cars for them. I have to do it all myself and I have no idea what I am doing! I am flying blind and just want someone to come along and say "let me do it for you". I can't even ask advice at work as my friend fell off a tractor and shattered his ankle!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Hello I am new here and this is my first post. I am not misunderstanding the purpose of this anger thread, but I am also quite cheesed off that I have spent the past half hour trying to open up the introductions page of this forum to no avail. I seem to be able to get into this Angry Thread though! Forgive me for just barging in like this and posting here then!

I am a Supporter of a man who has had such a fraught, traumatic and shocking life rife with abuse of all kinds, emotional, physical and childhood sexual abuse at the hands of family. Parental neglect. Institutional abuse in reform schools and prison. My life has turned upside down since I met him. I am trying so hard to cope and be supportive and loving, but you probably know so well how the story goes.

I am married now for the past 4 months. My husband is the saddest, kindest, loving man, riddled with guilt and shame about his past and what it led him to and what he is recovering from now. He was involved in drugs, crime, gangsterism. He was lost and afraid and filled with self-blame, self-hatred and shame. He is 36 yrs now, and only now has been able to turn his back on drugs. He has been off drugs for 2 years now and he is trying so hard to overcome his problems, and reach out to others on the subjects of drug abuse, childhood abuse, crime and being a lost soul with no direction.

He has in the past months suffered another breakdown, has been in a psychiatric hospital for treatment, and is under psychiatric care for Bipolar Mood Disorder and Complex PTSD. He had started seeing a trauma clinical psychologist and was opening up, but the process has become so incredibly painful for him, that he has seemingly turned his back on therapy for now and refuses to return. He has emotional flashbacks, anxiety and panic attacks, dissociative events, memory loss, nightmares and suicidal thoughts as a result of starting to let all that bottled up trauma come out. I try my best to create a safe and loving home for him, but he has started to hate just sitting around being subject to all his past pain. He just wants to run away most of the time.

Other times are more bearable and he begins to feel hope, but then something happens, or his abusive father checks in with him again, and we are back to square one.
Needless to say, I am bending over backwards, I tread on eggshells each day, I over-extend myself and put his wellbeing ahead of mine. The thing is, I totally understand where he is coming from and what he is going through. I also had a very dysfunctional childhood and my share of traumatic events in my life, although by no means as drastic as what his life has been.

I am beginning to feel though that it is to my own peril that I am capable of understanding his CPTSD condition so well and that I have so much empathy, compassion and love for this man! By no means has he even started healing and he is a long way off from self-acceptance and self-love. So of course he will not be able to treat me in a loving way most of teh time. I am his only reference point right now, he is so socially isolated and has no other good friends or family to turn to. So I have become both his love and hate object for now. It breaks me when he withdraws and is overwhelmed by his hurt and pain and trauma and treats me like the enemy. It hurts me when he says he hates life and everything that comes with it. His negativity and indecisiveness and confusion and passive approach force me to make the decisions in our household, but then in hindsight, he knew everything better, and can't stop complaining and criticising my choices. And blames me for cutting him out and taking away his power.

I cringe when I see sharp objects lying about the house, or when I happen to see him having handwritten a last will and testament for himself. Yet I have to force myself to take on an attitude of "I can't make anybody want to live. I can't force him to find a reason to carry on if life has become too unbearable". I have to resort to praying as hard as I can to the God of my understanding to help both of us.

Today again, after a totally fraught and crap weekend where things just went wrong each day, I am faced with the prospect that he may want to pack his bags and do a disappearing act.

I am feeling hurt, confused, sad, lonely and angry. I am feeling traumatised myself lately.
Today I am starting therapy of my own. I need to find some direction, I need to navigate myself to calmer waters. I just hope and pray that my husband is navigating himself in the same direction as what I need to go...

Thank you. I apologise for barging in and barely introducing myself and then flying into a rant.

Thank you for this forum, it makes me feel less isolated knowing there are others that are going through similar hardships and trying to keep the faith.
 
I'm angry that some people seem to enjoy being mean and nasty just for the sake of being mean and nasty. They must just enjoy spreading the pain around.
 
Thank you. I apologise for barging in and barely introducing myself and then flying into a rant.

Hello Ever Hopeful and welcome. A rant is a very good thing to have from time to time! Congratulations on getting help for yourself and your other-half sounds to be a very, very lucky person to have you. Hope you've managed to get in to the rest of the Forum by now!
 
Yeah, I know you were pretty depressed, but those few days last week that you were broken up with F, the Other Woman, I was more relaxed than I have been in months. Months.

I spent six out of eight nights with you, being supportive while you were sad, and then you get into a snit Tuesday evening because I would like to stay home one night. Oh and that's just the icing. Saturday morning, I saw a vivid example of how communicating with her is an instant trigger for you. We slept in and had some actual conversation, and then the minute you're trading texts with her, your armor goes up, you can no longer think straight, and you send me home. Oh and thanks for telling me (not telling me) that you were spending Saturday night with her.

Thanks also for calling me back this afternoon, after not responding to any texts for a day and a half. Good to know you're not dead. You say your back hurts, and your knee, and you feel kind of sick, and you haven't been sleeping? Yeah, I know. I'm the one who rubs your back, and who is sometimes awake with you at 2 a.m. How about TRYING THERAPY. And maybe NOT DRINKING. And LEAVING YOUR INSANE PARANOID EMPLOYER/GIRLFRIEND. All three of those things would probably provide substantial improvements to your life.

My therapist suggested that I assume that you will be staying with Ms. Crazypants for the indefinite future, so I don't spend every day waiting for you to break up with her again and, oh, maybe stay broken up and be able to think straight for long enough to do something constructive for your mental and physical health. I'll try, but what I'd rather do is scream.
 
Gee, sorry it's all about me.

I am SO VERY VERY VERY TIRED of being blamed for things I did not do, and then having shitty consequences ensue, like you freaking out and ruining what started out to be really a rather nice day. f*ck you very much.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top