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The "f" Word Will Help You Heal!!

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My application is to say that hatred and love seem to be Polar Opposites and forgiveness and love are synonymous. Just my 2 cents
I can't agree, there are people I have love for that I don't forgive, I love them as people who are finding their way through life, as I am but who also hurt me badly - I would be foolish to look to have a relationship with them where that hurt was possible again and forgiveness for me means restoring the other to a "right" relationship. So that's not going to happen.

I'm left wondering what you mean by forgiveness?

And if I've been turned away from the Lord by hypocrites then there are a lot of them out there. I can't think of a group of Christians who didn't want me to compromise my own values and beliefs to be part of their church, who could sustain any level of dissent or disagreement or where my way of being wasn't wrong. And having been part of a number of different churches all my adult life, I'm very used to relationships coming to an end as soon as I decided to worship elsewhere. So I'm not buying a Christian notion of forgiveness or conflict resolution because I see precious little of it in action. I see a lot of denial, delusion and conflict avoidance but they aren't the same thing as forgiveness.
 
You're right regarding many churches...I will say this...I'm Christian and i love you as you are. Thank you for your feedback...I respect your opinions.
 
You don't know my heart...I'm concerned you won't accept a giving expression of love. I'll leave you be if you so choose but I'm not going to change my heart.
 
You don't know me and don't love me. I'm concerned that you think that random expressions of love are w...
Yes..I was raped and as a male raped by a mother figure I didn't even tell anyone for years...so I choose to love to heal..if you don't like then ignore me...I'm not violating any terms as far as I know...toughen up methinks.
 
We can not let them win. That was their intent in the first place, to hurt us and drag us down in the muck where they live. You see, misery loves company.
Here is all of the filth and crud that you laid on me to carry around every day of my life. I am tired of carrying around what is rightfully yours. So here are the two 50 LB bags, one on each side of your neck, that belong to you. I hope you enjoy carrying around all of this crud as much as I did."

I see four problems here.
First, it isn't necessarily the intention of an abuser to hurt us. One of mine, who I chose to forgive in the sense of no longer holding a grudge against, was as much a victim as me. The best example might be a child soldier who by their action creates PTSD in someone.

Second, in my experience forgiveness does not set me free. I am still afraid of that person, even though I recognise they have changed. Freedom may come when I manage to de-fuse the power the trauma has over me

Third, I don't know a technique for forgiving. In the days when I held a faith, I asked many leaders how, precisely, one went about forgiving. I wanted to forgive, as I believed it was the way ahead for that situation, but had no way to move from ignoring or denying to actual forgiveness

Fourth, as has been said, I don't think the process crc53liamt describes has anything to do with forgiveness. For that, I'd rather look at the Truth and Reconciliation process in South Africa
 
Hi @Suzetig, thank you for expressing this:
there are people I have love for that I don't forgive, I love them as people who are finding their way through life, as I am but who also hurt me badly

I'm no good with feelings, but something within me stirred wildly as I read this.^

—To borrow an expression from @BlueOrange in another thread—, you describe it with fantastic eloquence.


I'm sorry for jigsaw-ing my answer all over the place.

Words that come from my feelings get stuck inside me, and i just connect with words you guys generously share with us.

So i needed to thank you Suze
 
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