• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

The Face Of The Rapist

  • Thread starter Deleted member 28862
  • Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

Deleted member 28862

Okay. I would like to start with that the guy I'm currently talking to knows about my past and is being very supportive and understanding to the best of his ability. ( and trust me thats a lot)

After a lot of talks i got really comfortable with him and i really like him. So after muxh hesitation and no pressuring on his parr nothing but reassurance we "made love". It hurt like hell lol but i enjoyed it. Continuing consent and sweet. As a victim of multiple rapes and sexyal abuse this was a big step.

Now fast forward to today. I took a nap (im anemic and the sun was blazing today) and i dreamed that after having relations my dreames self went to sleep. And she dreames of one of the rape...the most violent one and it was hos face. I know it wasnt him my dream seld knew it wasnt him but his face was there. My dream self woke up on the verge of tears and i wouldn't let him touch me and i kept saying please take me home so he did. I didn't utter a sound and just left the car and scrubbed myself in the shower. When i actually woke up, i felt like i was having a panic attack and i felt the burns from that night i got raped and when i scrubbed myself after getting home.


Why did i dream it was him?
 
Wish I knew having a issue where I trigger someone
 
Because your mind and body have always associated sex with rape, so when you were able to make love your mind went and got that memory out. The same thing clutters up my love life with my husband.

The thing I would hold on to is that your current guy did what you asked. he took you home when you needed to go. He didn't try to pressure you or change your mind. It sounds as though you are safe with him.
 
Because your mind and body have always associated sex with rape, so when you were able to make love y...
I really feel like I am, and I trust him. I just think it's so annoying. I told him but he believes that I need to take a break from him. I told him I don't want that, I also want to know why he so easily said something like that, but I'm afraid the answer will actually upset me to point i'll regret everything.
 
He may have said it because he wants the best for you. He may have said it because the relationship is too complicated for him.

You will only know by talking, when you are both feeling calm. Being able to communicate is the heart of any relationship.
 
Everything good in my life always turns sour
 
Everything good in my life always turns sour

I'm asking questions based on my situation and using your expernce as a guide.

Are you scared to heal and get better? You said everything good has gone sour. Would you rather him be some terrible person so you never get your hopes up?

Sex, love and communication is a two way street. Are you willing to see a therapist with a boyfriend to figure out these issues?
 
I'm asking questions based on my situation and using your expernce as a guide.

Are you scared to h...
Mental health isn't taken seriously in my country, if there is a therapist it's in the capital and thats a plane ticket. Even he doesn't truly understand, which is why I said he's trying to the best of his ability.

Every time we get into a scuff like this he says maybe I need to take a break from him, the more he says it the more suspicious I get, and I don't want to overthink it because he'll overthink it and it'll blow up -again-

"would you rather him be some terrible person...." that's extremely insensitive and it's obvious I don't want to.

Every time something good happens it never lasts long at all. Something always ruins it and it's always me. This is why i didn't want to get into a relationship with him, i know it's best to try to move forward in which I did and now I'm back a square one doubting every decision i've made thus far
 
You sound identical to the girl who pushed me away. I did myself no favors and broke down how frustrated I got.

If I could ask her one question it would be what can I do to be the best thing that's ever happened to you. And that's what it seems you and her have trouble defining is what's can be the best thing to ever happen to you
 
i don't want the "best thing ever" that's unrealistic, sounds like I'm looking for perfection

Thats crazy you say that because that is what my friend would say, than she would say how she needs to make sure its the right one.Here is my 2 cents and what I want to tell my friend who pushed me away, because Someone took away you ability to give and receive love and its important you get that back.

Just wish I could tell my friend that she was the best thing to ever come into my life for a period of time. I don't want to be her boyfriend or date her because that isn't what I want to do. Just want to be apart of her life again, and make each and every day the best day for her, because I am in her life. I want to be the reason she wakes up and smiles, the reasons shes curious about life, the shoulder she needs to cry on and the partner to be their with her when she attempts to climb this mountain called life. That isn't what a boyfriend or someone dating does thats what the best thing to ever come into your life does. All I want to be to her and what ever happens physically happens. But I realized through my friend that being able to cheer someone up and making them excited about life is just as satisfying to me as sex.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top