I hate to say it and I certainly hate to feel it, but when starved of affection for a long enough period of time and no indication that this is just a spell, the fire of romantic love will start to die. We ended things in May with him still really on edge and saying no relationship beyond friends and me saying I'll give you time to calm down, we'll take things slow, and work our way back to good. We haven't.
I guess he was serious while I attributed it to stress overload and not thinking clearly. Then, he's had more stress piled on in many forms, one of which is computer problems (frustrating for anybody at the best of times) and so the Skype dates that were getting back on track have all but disappeared again.
If he really truly feels he doesn't want a relationship that's his prerogative and he has to look out for number 1. Yes, there is added stress, but I can see all the good it/I would do for him. I have no doubt the benefits would outweigh the cost. I think he's made the wrong decision. And at the risk of sounding arrogant, should he change his mind later, he would be hard pressed to find someone who would care and educate themselves and be patient, supportive and try to adapt as much as I have/do. There aren't a ton of people with the right temperament to take on a partner with PTSD.
So yeah. If he, by some miracle, started making advances toward me again tomorrow and said he was ready to give this a real try, the few embers I have left would roar back to life in an instant...no doubt about that since just writing this and confronting the reality of where I am has turned me into a big, mushy mess. But if he doesn't, I'm sad that they will grow colder and the light will be lost. What a waste of something so precious.
In the meantime, I still write my emails to him, as always, he is and always will be a best friend, and being that my writing (at least to me) usually has a journal/ diary type feel to it, I've told him that there is a man who has been pursuing me for a month or so. We've actually talked about Tater and his ex at length and commiserated with each other. I have made it pretty damn clear to New Guy that I'm not interested, I don't want to lead someone on, as I feel that's pretty close to what has happened here to me and it is heartbreaking. Yet he persists and bought me Valentine's chocolates and a teddy bear yesterday. VERY sweet of him...but I'm sad it's not from Tater.
No reaction from Tater that someone else is sniffing around what could be his territory (doesn't know about the candy and teddy yet, but that I knew this guy liked me). I didn't tell him to make him jealous or provoke a reaction. I told him because that's what's happening in my life right now. If it had spurred him into some movement, well, great. But it didn't. I guess it wont. :(
I guess he was serious while I attributed it to stress overload and not thinking clearly. Then, he's had more stress piled on in many forms, one of which is computer problems (frustrating for anybody at the best of times) and so the Skype dates that were getting back on track have all but disappeared again.
If he really truly feels he doesn't want a relationship that's his prerogative and he has to look out for number 1. Yes, there is added stress, but I can see all the good it/I would do for him. I have no doubt the benefits would outweigh the cost. I think he's made the wrong decision. And at the risk of sounding arrogant, should he change his mind later, he would be hard pressed to find someone who would care and educate themselves and be patient, supportive and try to adapt as much as I have/do. There aren't a ton of people with the right temperament to take on a partner with PTSD.
So yeah. If he, by some miracle, started making advances toward me again tomorrow and said he was ready to give this a real try, the few embers I have left would roar back to life in an instant...no doubt about that since just writing this and confronting the reality of where I am has turned me into a big, mushy mess. But if he doesn't, I'm sad that they will grow colder and the light will be lost. What a waste of something so precious.
In the meantime, I still write my emails to him, as always, he is and always will be a best friend, and being that my writing (at least to me) usually has a journal/ diary type feel to it, I've told him that there is a man who has been pursuing me for a month or so. We've actually talked about Tater and his ex at length and commiserated with each other. I have made it pretty damn clear to New Guy that I'm not interested, I don't want to lead someone on, as I feel that's pretty close to what has happened here to me and it is heartbreaking. Yet he persists and bought me Valentine's chocolates and a teddy bear yesterday. VERY sweet of him...but I'm sad it's not from Tater.
No reaction from Tater that someone else is sniffing around what could be his territory (doesn't know about the candy and teddy yet, but that I knew this guy liked me). I didn't tell him to make him jealous or provoke a reaction. I told him because that's what's happening in my life right now. If it had spurred him into some movement, well, great. But it didn't. I guess it wont. :(
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