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The healing can begin... i think i am almost at a point of building structures now...

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I am also working on building a relationship with my body as well @shimmerz. I didn't realise that was my weakest point until I started playing SuperBetter - but a therapist a couple of decades ago said that my hardest thing was being embodied and present in my body. It certainly is!

Self Compassion Breaks are also important for me @shimmerz - until I started doing Mindfulness, Self Compassion and Radical Acceptance I didn't make a lot of progress.

The Mindfulness helps me in noticing what is going on in my body.
The Self Compassion means I stopped abusing myself all the time.
Radical Acceptance stops me regretting all the mistakes of the past and ruminating on what I missed out on.

So there are structures I guess I have been building for awhile - but I didn't realise I was building them.

The other things are gratitude, self care, eating well, not binge eating, being honest - rewarding myself for being honest - that was a big no-no in our family.

Routines for exercise, Mindfulness, self care are most important.

I am rereading "Feeling Good" by David Burns and though I have read it deeply a couple of times I am still learning so much. So busting distorted cognitions is really important, each and every day. I can't reccomend that book enough.

The other book I am reading which is really good is "Overcoming Worry and Generalised Anxiety Disorder" (@gizmo you might like this one!).

Heller's "Healing Developmental Trauma" though it is impenetrable andtakes a lotof time toread.

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach.
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg! - I had no healthy habits and I started to tag a new habit onto the not so helpful habits and gradually and very slowly transition.

Of Course - my favourite is "The Mindful Way Through Depression" is the one I have as an audio book and listen to it repeatedly - all the time for months.

The Mindful Way Through Anxiety I have listened to about 10-12 times.

The Procrastination Equation and yes I read it as a form of procrastination LOL! It has really helped as well.

Doing things absolutely each and every day - like an Olympic Athlete - is an absolute must for me.

One thing I only started to do this last week is to actually acknowledge actually how well I am doing without beating myself up for the things. It is a challenge I have been brought up to absolutely doubt my thoughts and feelings.

I am improving out of sight! I really am improving out of sight! It is great! I did so much work yesterday! I am much more grounded and here! I can do it!

CBT, DBT, Mindfulness, Exercise, Breathing. It really is worth doing all the hard internal work. It does pay off.

I am very good at community building and resourcing so I have been doing that a lot - as something to give back and something to feel proud that I am doing. It is fun as well.

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This is a list I wrote elsewhere of what is helping my recovery and symptom management.

Some of the free resources that have helped me in my recovery.

Jane McGonigal: The game that can give you 10 extra years of life | TED Talk | TED.com

SuperBetter (see above video - it is a great thing - it is so easy to play)

My PTSD Forum (forum)

Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World
Resources | Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World (free to download)

Perth Meditation Centre | Meditation and Mindfulness Training Specialist in Perth
Link Removed (can listen for free)

The Mindful Way Through Anxiety
The Mindful Way Through Anxiety » Mindfulness Exercises (free to download)

The Mindful Way Through Depression (video/audio book) - Mindful
(youtube for the 8 Mindful Way Through Depression mindfulness videos all free)
youtube: Zindel Segal, Jon Kabat-Zinn. Mark Williams, John Tearsdale

David Burns (youtube talks all free)
Feeling Good

Self-Compassion
Self-Compassion Exercises by Dr. Kristin Neff (free to download)

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/instant_mindfulness.html (can listen for free)
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

Also pain management
Exercise: Tai Chi, Chi Gong, Walking,
Trauma Therapy
Humour
Art
Socialising
Mindfulness groups in real time
Meditation groups in real time
Social Connection
Challenges
Being in Nature
Standing on my own two feet
Moving out of a flat in a dangerous area
Moving away from the area that my abuser lived in
Not seeing toxic family members.
Easing myself back into the world
Studying
Working on my healing
CBT
DBT
I read many books.
Breathing
Volunteering
Being honest
Taking small risks

and practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice and then practice, practice, practice.

There is another free resource I found lately but I can't remember it now.

So I do have plans and goals @shimmerz. As you know I have been doing body work.

Another thing is building a relationship with my partner, working on socialising and making now mental health friends, and doing the hardest things for me again and again and again.

I went for a 50 minute walk last night and I did Mindfulness for over an hour this morning.

My BIGGEST CHALLENGE I am really working on trying to be present enough to actually know what is going on with me. It is very different. It is really hard to not dissociate when another person is in the same house with me, nevertheless same room. I missed so much at every developmental phase.

So I pick goals @shimmerz and then I work on that goal until it becomes a habit. For Mindfulness it was 1 minute x 3 times per day, and for the longest time yoga nidra for 15 minutes without fail each morning and night.

So how I am figuring out what 'structures' I want to build on is a slow process that needs constant readjustment and refining. Self Compassion and Radical Acceptance were the two keys that opened a lot of doors for me, and which I need to practice all day each day.

I also fill out the DBT diary sheets and it helps your focus on the skills you want to improve or develop.

Doing the challenges and then running the challenges was very helpful for me. Joining a group of like minded people who have similar goals was very helpful.

Research is also a major part of what I am doing.

So yes I have been doing but not really realising it I guess in some ways and in others I am only just beginning. Once I get my symptoms under control a bit more i.e. being present in my body when other people are in the room. Then I will truly begin to heal on a deeper level. I look forward to it.

I also stopped writing in my general member trauma diary and moved to my personal private diary on the forum that no one really reads - to build a relationship with myself. I also started 750 words per day as well and that has been very helpful.

I am also working on David Burns' being Average rather than brilliant or perfect.
 
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Still really stepping out of this on a moment by moment through the day. Marked 30 exams immediately today as soon as I got them. I could have gone home at the end of the day but I just made myself start marking again until my brain fuzzed over a bit - so time to go home. I was strategic in doing the marking straight away - so no procrastination - and also as I did it at school I got advice on marking from another teacher which was really helpful. So I am breaking things down and doing them straight away. This is good. So I arrived at school at 7am and I left at 4.55pm and I learnt so much today and I am being present with other human beings. I am so much better than my last prac. I got up and did Mindfulness straight away.
 
I am still doing this. It is a moment by moment situation on a day by day basis. All my practices are holding me in good stead at this time. It takes a lot to recover but it is like being an athlete you do really have to train each and every day.
 
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I am working towards creating another set of structures in order to make a new set of skills a routine. I am on prac so I am pretty time poor at this time. I am still doing a lot though - Mindfulness, Exercise, Self Compassion, Radical Acceptance, busting distorted cognitions, being present in this now and writing.
 
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What I do may not really work for anyone else at @VioletButterfly - but the resources I have found might be useful to someone in the future.

Complex Trauma and PTSD has taken me a very long, long, long time to get to a point where I had soem traction to move forwards. I just want to leave a trail for anyone else that has any form or identification with my journey. All tidbits were greatfully received by me.

I really need to work on grounding in my body, in this now, that is my weakest point - anything to do with my body! I need to learn to be present in this now.

I realise that my sore throat is my body contracting. My body being defensive.
 
@Ms Spock - I hear you on the grounding in the body issue. I feel it will be my final frontier. My body is the reservoir of all of my memories and pain that have been and are too much to bear as my mind could not hold it all in. My body is also the recipient of much of the damage caused by maladaptive coping mechanisms and the cult of perfectionism brought on by CPTSD.

I am thankful that at least I'm aware of what I have going on now and that I am able to reach out, on occasion, to question my thinking, to look for the source in my core beliefs, and to sit with thoughts for a while instead of spiraling. So, as I can, I am working on mopping up and salvaging what is viable out of the wreckage of my life and body in hopes of building a stronger framework for a healthier life. The eating disorder itself, though, that's a entirely different beast. That's an engrained behavioral issue that sits way inside of me, the seeds of which were planted at a very early age and nurtured throughout my life to the point where I believe the branches are so entwined that I'm afraid I might have to cut down the tree. At that point, I may have to return to therapy. I try not to dwell in this place though, and am concentrating on doing small things in the positive column to support my body and show it that I care and am not intentionally seeking to harm it.

It seems to me that I have to align or at least a get a truce going between my thinking and my feelings first. That I need to build a foundation in this regard. Something akin to creating the structures you've written about. Practice, practice, practice... build, build, build.... One day at a time. This is where a great deal of what you have shared has been and will be very helpful for me, and I'm sure to others on the path. At least it's all in my toolbox now. Gratitude coming your way. VB
 
Amazing article!

I hadn't thought about it this way before - but it makes sense to me!

[URL='Link Removed...
Well, I understand the need of having to repair the structures. What I do not understand is how and why some therapy techniques are applied and why harassment is used. I really do not understand that at all.
 
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