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The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

Discussion in 'Trauma Diaries' started by mumstheword, Oct 15, 2017.

  1. mumstheword

    mumstheword I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    So, update with my new T. So so comforting. She is someone I am finding it easy to build trust with. Just lovely. She is quite tentative, with me. Letting my know that it's my process and to go at my place.
    I told her about an incident of being triggered, a couple of days before.
    She had me contemplate handling myself a little differently, assertiveness instead of frozen and adrenal dumpage pumping through my body.

    I broke down just at the thought of it and "labour panted" my way through the worst of it.
    She had me open my eyes, look at her, and then she came and sat closer to me.
    She had me describe what was going on in my body. She even had me walking around her office.

    Never done anything like that before.

    She is a comforting soft energy person.

    I'm really happy with her.

    Tomorrow is my big day. Admittance day!
    I am a little nervous but mostly excited and sore (neck-head).
     
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  3. mumstheword

    mumstheword I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Here I am! First day at TDU! (Trauma&Dissociation Unit) in sunny Queensland.:) feeling a little hyperaroused which is a nice change from my extended hypoaroused with intermittent hyperness.
    Up since 3. Waiting for a yoga class to start. Nobody here yet, I hope it's on. But then, I'm early. Ready to sink my teeth into all manner of recovery-related activities.
    I've already had a bit of a cry while reading Pete Walkers Complex PTSD book.
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2018
  4. NinjaWolf

    NinjaWolf I'm a VIP

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    Cheering you on (((mumstheword)))
    & respect and hugs to you. :)
     
  5. mumstheword

    mumstheword I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    It was a giant day and I'm sooo tired now and feeling a little emptied out, a little gutted.
    It was good though.
    I do like it here.
    Working on feeling safe and I'm making headway.
    People are responding positively to me.
    I'm allowed to be me! With all my messy bits hanging out.
    Except I did get pulled up for saying a bit too much personal stuff in group. We aren't allowed to refer to our own trauma in group, which I forgot and got carried away and said a bit much.
    No matter, it was my first day.
     
  6. mumstheword

    mumstheword I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Half way through second day.
    Feeling pretty rough, raw, shaken-up, cried out and super vulnerable after this morning's group. I would love to stop feeling shaky, needy and messy but there you are, nature of the beast, I guess. It's group therapy, not a walk in the park.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018
  7. mumstheword

    mumstheword I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    So I met Sideways and she is lovely! (You are lovely @Sideways and so is your wee four-legged companion:playful::hug::)).
    Also enjoying getting to connect and to know other patients and staff here a little:p.

    Making these kinds of connection is so valuable to me!
    Missing my guy a little which is kinda ridiculous coz it's hardly been any time away yet and I rang him like 4 times today and 3 times yesterday.
    He sent me the sweetest text last night.

    I'm making big headway with the weekly topic. Very insightful discussion. Like really really huge and monumental breakthrough.

    I'm so so privileged and grateful to be here!:p:yuck::rolleyes::stop:
     
  8. Sideways

    Sideways Was Ragdoll Circus Premium Member

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    Back at you ! It was so great to meet you, and to know yiu’ve really settled in to the program is so fantastic:)
     
  9. ladee

    ladee All the hard work has been worth it ! Premium Member

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    Ohhhh @mumstheword , I am so envious you got to meet @Sideways , but am not surprised at all of her support...
    So happy you are there and so committed.... thinking of you, and now i will go pout that you got to meet @Sideways... hurumph !! :D
     
  10. mumstheword

    mumstheword I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Lol @ladee :roflmao:
    I'll try not to gloat though.
    Sideways has an extremely kind, and beautiful face, just all round warm and beautiful person.
    (Sorry not that sorry if I'm embarrassing you @Sideways
     
  11. ladee

    ladee All the hard work has been worth it ! Premium Member

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    Oh I would be gloating if I got to meet her,,, would you please give her a hug if she is ok with that, if you get to see her again... to me, there isn't anything about her that isn't beautiful... and I need to stop now,,, this is waaay out of her comfort zone.. but I do love her.. Very happy she is present for you... just makes me so happy for both of you...
     
  12. mumstheword

    mumstheword I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    I'm not going to write much tonight. Too tired. Not much sleep since I got here. Finally resorting to sleeping and sedative drugs and I've just had them and gonna zonk right out. I love you guys! I'll share more tomorrow. I'm having an amazing, challenging, growthful, social, supported, intense time.
     
  13. ladee

    ladee All the hard work has been worth it ! Premium Member

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    Lots of hugs... hope you slept well and have another healing day... I know you are going to soak things up like a sponge. Thinking of you this morning... sending love,respect and hope...
     
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