• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

The list

  • Thread starter Deleted member 41765
  • Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

Deleted member 41765

Christmas Day 2016--oldest and dearest friend murdered, pstd symptoms reinvigorated (excessive fear, anxiety, anger etc)
July 4, 2017--robbery while at home, minimal loss but for increasing ability to feel safe
July 6--estranged and abusive (most likely borderline personality) mother dies creating much internal dissonance
August 21--fired on first day of vacation via email from a school I helped establish (financially terrified)
August 30--hired by a new school where I will have a steep learning curve (imposter syndrome activated)
September 1--news that ex (only other old and dear friend) has tumor biopsy results, spindle cell sarcoma
September 2-- feeling isolated, overwhelmed? dissociated? numb?

Is this how life is for everyone? Or is this my special sh*t show?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Is this how life is for everyone? Or is this my special sh*t show?

No, to answer your question, only people in crises, like you and me are experiencing this pressure on us. You have a lot to face and deal with at the moment. Breathe and take the best care of meeting your needs that you are able to. I think it is hard to go through what you are experiencing but I really believe you are doing your very best with where you are at and what you are dealing with. I hope that solutions that work come to you as needed. I wish this for myself as well.:hug:
 
Yes. This happens to me. It happened to me back in 2011. A long list of shit happened, one thing after another.

I have had rough years since then, but 2016 and 2017 are also high on the list, mostly due to ptsd deciding to make its official appearance for the first time. Followed by extreme work stress, a 14 year old daughter dealing with sexual identity/cutting and a major hurricane.

@ShikibuZ, I know that you are hanging on by a thread. I love you. I wish I could visit you just to be there for you. One thing you forgot to mention on your list is the extreme heat you are experiencing :mad::wtf:. I know that is making it hard for you to see anything good around you. There is good, though. You have Jane Eyre, a new job (even though it is stressful, I think is a well deserved, perfect fit for you. I read your bio and believe there is no "imposter," you deserve this and were chosen over many candidates. She chose YOU! This is a good thing!), you have the ocean, the stars, plants, that TV show you ❤️ and your dog. I hope that I can help you stay focused on these positives, but I know it is almost impossible to do.

Remember to breathe! Keep reaching out to your T and friends. I know that it is hard for you to accept that others are there for you, but we are! Lovelovelove to you. ((((ShikibuZ))))
 
Last edited by a moderator:
@Rain Thank you and I wish solutions for you as well! :hug:
@TexCat Thank you for the constant reminders of light. While I understand others are going through things as well, I'm having a bleak day. And you're right, the extreme heat and resultant lack of sleep is not helping matters...
 
Wow Shiki... I wish I had the perfect answers with all the wisdom of the ages. I don't.

I do know that a list like that with so many huge negative events or emotionally destructive events so close together is a bad mix. A recipe for disaster. I'm sure you already have a pretty good idea of that, but I would strongly encourage you to lay this list out to your therapist asap.

Escape from the intensity becomes an attractive possibility or idea - even if that would never have been acceptable before. Your post is shouting intense discouragement, vulnerability, brokenness... all real and totally understandable.

@TexCat is right in that there are many things to bring light in darkness, but that's almost impossible to grab onto. Necessary but really hard. That's what friends are for. We keep annoying you with the silver linings.

If you can, keep in mind that intense heat and lack of sleep are also big factors in discouraging any objectivity.

Big hugs from me to you...even if they are coming from "the arctic" (possibly a good thing thing right now)

((((Shiki))))
 
@stp2012 big arctic hugs are absolutely accepted--It's in the triple digits again ( in my house!) but of course I would accept them even if they were warm. I am attempting to focus on lack of sleep for the degree and intensity of overwhelm and hopelessness I'm feeling right now...
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Then consider yourself hugged... Maybe a couple of times.

A wise choice... speaking for myself alone, when I'm really tired, everything is so much worse. Hopelessness is very overwhelming. In reality nothing has changed when I wake up, but it does help to bring back a tiny bit of sanity and a bit more coping strength.

Triple digits are brutal. Consider yourself officially invited to enjoy the 8 degree mornings.
 
It really was a mistake to post this thread and I want to take it back.
 
@ShikibuZ I think everyone goes through periods where shit storms seem to come, lots of things go terribly wrong and then the shitstorm moves on to th next victim. I'm sorry that you are it's latest victim. I've had those times and you sit and ask yourself, "what did I do to deserve this" nothing, it's just part of life. Hang in there and this too shall pass.....
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top