Your right Veiled because I THOUGHT I deal with things well, survived so to speak, protected my kids, worked LIKE HELL to feel useful, I pretty much pretended that I WAS OK. Looking at my life pre accident which to me was no big deal, now telling it to my therapist and listening to myself say it I LIVED A SCIENCE FICTION NOVEL and no IT WAS FAR FROM HEALTHY even though I thought is was fine. I do have a strong personality even coming through during times of horriable anixiety and depression I AM a rather strong type. and again that is the way OTHER PEOPLE SEE ME, how do I see myself? BROKEN, USED, ABANDONED AND BETRAYED, kind of like a favorite toy that you have repaired over and over for your child and one day YOU JUST CAN NOT FIX IT, that is how I feel. I am not depressed anymore I was at first, but now YES I GET DEPRESSED but it surrounds situations. Being able to express how I feel HELPS MORE THAN YOU KNOW. I have ever since I can remember been much more comfortable with children and animals than adults. I don't know maybe that personality type is target for this crap. I just do not know. Coming to the point of being able to FACE things that I either hid or just denyed because if you deny them then IT DOES NOT HURT YOU:cuckoo: :cuckoo: , that is a very big step forward for me. Will they ever know why some people get this as opposed to others I DOUBT IT, but finding good providers to assist in the healing and teaching us that NO IT IS OK TO FEEL again, THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.