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The ups and downs are getting to me and i'm struggling to find reasons to go on

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Gugudap

I feel ashamed of how low I am - again. I made progress and things were moving along but now I can't even tell if it's to do with the PTSD or something else or what, and I don't feel depressed again but I do feel like I'm holding on to a few threads and for what reasons I don't know.

Trying to open up has got me hurt over and over and I feel I'm lying to myself for saying it'll get better/it'll be different some day. I'm not getting younger and I am getting more and more tired of waking up every day. These days it feels as if I'm being taken by the wind, without knowing how or why or when or what. I feel LOST in so many ways. My inability to even put thoughts together in a coherent manner makes me feel so stupid and that just makes things worse.

I don't feel depressed but rather like I'm losing hope, and I'm afraid and alone right now.
 
Im sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s ok, there is always a new resource, a new thought, hope. Nothing stays the same, we change, life changes, all is fluid. Feel your feelings, but don’t hold onto them. It’s going to be alright.
 
Im sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s ok, there is always a new resource, a new thought, hope. Nothing stays the sam...

I'm really trying to hang on to hope but it's becoming SO HARD that I find myself wondering if it's worth the trouble.
 
It’s alright to wonder if it’s worth the trouble, and feeling hopeless is ok too. They are feelings that want your loving attention. But don’t hold on to them or believe them more than when something else grabs your attention. Your thoughts are thoughts and if you pay close attention, they change from moment to moment, if you let them. If you’ve exhausted your current go to resources, can I suggest “When things fall apart” by Pema Chodron? She’s a badass Buddhist monk who is all about letting yourself feel no matter what you’re feeling and working with that. She saved my life. It’ll be alright, I promise you.
 
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