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The World is Truly an Evil Place - Abuse and Torture

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by rob4444, Sep 10, 2007.

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  1. rob4444

    rob4444 Active Member

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    hi..im feeling low and thought sharing my thoughts may help...im a 45yo male..married with 3 kids and have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder..disthymic disorder..ptsd..impulsivity...adhd..extreme paranoia and aggression......tortured with razor at age 5....molested as a young child ...held against will,bashed and raped by gang at 15....girlfriend killed in accident and last girlfriend before my wife was kidnapped,tortured,raped and bashed to death by a pair of teenagers....life is a constant struggle...ive just found out my wife of 20years was forced to perform felatio on her uncle,on a regular basis between the age of 7 and 11...he moved on to her younger sisters and finaly my niece.....now i understand her troubles in dealing with life,and we have started to talk about it,and she will undergo counselling with me.....i have trouble sleeping and eating and constantly think of revenge...whoever said you have to forgive and forget was dreaming....have made huge improvement in health and pain control(fibromyalgia)and arthritis as well as general outlook by using herbal remedy,and it frees me from the drugged up state of medications and lets me leave the house and do limmited work and exercise,but i feel ripped off..like someone should pay....any advise would be greatly appreciated...
     
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I am unsure what advice to give you straight out of the gate, but I did want to say welcome to the forum. You will get a lot of ideas around here. The information section has lots of good starting points.
     
  4. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Welcome to the forum!

    bec
     
  5. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Welcome to the forum....Hope that you find what you are looking for....

    Wen
     
  6. rob4444

    rob4444 Active Member

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    losing it

    its comforting to know someone cares.....i have been consumed by a paralysing fear that wracks my body,and prevents me from mixing with people...the slightest threat from someone half my size would paralize me,even though im big ,imposing and more than capable...but lately im more angry,and if cornered or harrased im told i explode into extreme violence...i dont witness this..i blackout or something..ive hurt people without knowing and i fear its getting worse...i stay at home away from others...the few people i know say im a lovely caring person that will help anyone,but they are scared buy the monster lurking within.....is this part of ptsd or another of my probs.?....ive never been violent,never bashed anyone or looked for trouble...im drawn to societies riff raff,as they are to me...i only partly trust them,but never trust anyone who considerers themself "normal"....a former alcoholic,dry for 5 years,i find i dont have any spark anymore..the high is gone...i rely heavily on pot,knowing it doesnt help,but unable to cope without...all my options seem to end with the "s" word..but i dont want to die...going to see doctor for help today...
     
  7. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Glad you are seeing the doctor. I cannot tell you where your particular anger comes from but it is not uncommon with PTSD. Many have been very violent in the past, and I have become so enraged years ago that I blacked out. It is normal but can get better.
     
  8. rob4444

    rob4444 Active Member

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    help on its way

    the wife and i just returned from doctors..now they know the extent of both our problems they have refered us jointly to a specialist in marriage problems,who specialises in hypnotherapy for war vets amoungst others...i have seen him in past and he is great,but very hard to access....the wife is also to get all neccessary counselling and backup....things are looking up!...amazing how much your gp can help if they know the whole story....ill lay low and keep out of everyones road for a while...and try to smile..:smoking:
     
  9. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP

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    Great to hear!

    That sounds great! It's good to her you have at least one or two good professionals to help you, a supporting wife and now a friendly forum to come to. You are right. Things are looking up!
     
  10. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    Hi Rob, Welcome to the forum!
     
  11. vera

    vera Active Member

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    welcome... =)
     
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