I made the mistake of sending my therapist an e-mail asking if she could address the trauma issues instead of spending the whole time..well, talking about how eventually we will get around to therapy. In the e-mail I addressed, I told her that I feel like I am bursting at the brim with the need to talk about some things, especially my grandfathers (former step grandfather in all actuality) death and explained to her that he was the closest thing I ever had to a parent. I also gave her so background info on my early childhood.
I also told her I wanted to address a particular flashback that has been increasing in frequency that has been increasing in frequency over the last 6 months.
So I go into day and she basically tells me not to come back. Yeah, she did the whole spiel about how sh cares but isn't the one to help me and that she doesn't have the training. Fair enough, I already figured that out and was planning only giving it a few more weeks anyways to see if progress could be made.
But dang, it is triggering serious abandonment issues no matter how much I try to rationalize it. I feel crushed and devastated even though I know I wasn't happy there and it wasn't helping.
Just that whole "nobody wants you, you are burden on everyone" I heard so much as a child.
I can't stress enough that I really am trying to rationalize it and tell myself that it isn't rejection when it was clearly not a good fit to begin with. I keep trying to tell myself that it IS NOT a reinforcement of past abandonment. know it shouldn't bother me so much, but it does.
I guess it is one of those things where my brain knows but not my heart.
I also told her I wanted to address a particular flashback that has been increasing in frequency that has been increasing in frequency over the last 6 months.
So I go into day and she basically tells me not to come back. Yeah, she did the whole spiel about how sh cares but isn't the one to help me and that she doesn't have the training. Fair enough, I already figured that out and was planning only giving it a few more weeks anyways to see if progress could be made.
But dang, it is triggering serious abandonment issues no matter how much I try to rationalize it. I feel crushed and devastated even though I know I wasn't happy there and it wasn't helping.
Just that whole "nobody wants you, you are burden on everyone" I heard so much as a child.
I can't stress enough that I really am trying to rationalize it and tell myself that it isn't rejection when it was clearly not a good fit to begin with. I keep trying to tell myself that it IS NOT a reinforcement of past abandonment. know it shouldn't bother me so much, but it does.
I guess it is one of those things where my brain knows but not my heart.