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Therapist On Holiday I Think Is Triggering Flashbacks/Nightmares?

Discussion in 'Treatment & Therapy' started by Awakening, Sep 15, 2007.

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  1. Awakening

    Awakening Well-Known Member

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    I feel really tentative about doing this post but here goes nothing.

    I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and then I won't see her again for 3 weeks.

    My therapist has told me this way in advance as my anxiety rises when she goes away.

    It's unreasonable but her taking a holiday feels like abandonment even though I know it's not.

    Intelluctually, I am fair & reasonable person and I swear I'm perfectly happy for her to take time off. She deserves it and I hope she has a lovely time. That's the part I try & stick with, and I truly do mean it.

    But the other part, that I try desperately to ignore, is well terrified. I feel utterly convinced that something bad will happen to me in her absence. Then I feel anger at her for leaving me with this pain.

    As this has happened on more minor levels before, my therapist proposes that this is because when I was a child my parents (more specifically my mum accordingy to therapist) would occasionally leave me to stay with relatives. It was a relative that was inappropriate towards to me.

    Uggh I'm hating this right now. But anyway I can see her point now. That her absence is bringing up the feelings in me. Or something.

    The problem is, these feelings of fear/abandonment are getting worse. Last night I had the worst nightmares. Well the dreams weren't horrific as such no blood or gore, more the feelings they generated. All variations of the same theme; me desperately trying to reach my therapist, or my therapist abandoning me, the phone not connecting etc. Once in the night I woke up screaming, and another time woke up crying. The rest just woke up.

    So obviously I need to have some strategies in place for whilst my therapist is away. Any suggestions?

    Secondly, do I dare to discuss all this with my therapist tomorrow? Part of me doesn't want to because I feel like a selfish childish person saying I don't want you to go & leave me. Another part already feels myself withdrawing, and thinks stuff you I'll leave first???

    BTW, the last week I've been the best in 2 years I reckon. No alcohol or anything.
     
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  3. canucklady

    canucklady Active Member

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    Hello Awakening,

    This is a normal reaction and your therapist has probably heard it before and has experience on how to help you cope. Both of you could work on a plan to help you through the next few weeks. There are several options and you just have to figure out what is best for you.

    When my T goes away for long period of time, she gives me numbers of other therapists I can call in case I need to call someone (I usually don't). And I journal alot, this helps with getting thoughts/feelings out on paper.

    I know the feeling of abandonment all too well. A few times I would just call therapists voicemail, just to hear she way away from office but would be back at a certain date, just hearing that helped me.

    Oh, and keep posting here, there is lots of support. :)
     
  4. Awakening

    Awakening Well-Known Member

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    Well I had the appointment & I just got angry with her. She didn't seem to mind, which seemed to make me even angrier.

    We have a back up plan, doctor, another T, some exercises for me to do.

    But I feel angry, and I know why Im angry and I understand it & know who it belongs, but you know what, still feel angry.
     
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