• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Therapist Says I Have Mad Coping Skills, Rest Of World Disagrees?

Status
Not open for further replies.

Ava Jarvis

MyPTSD Pro
So therapy -- and I have so little energy right now because I'm exhausted; 50 miles to an appointment and 50 miles back is exhausting -- and like my therapist says that I have a lot of coping skills and that I'll probably be ready for EMDR sooner than I think.

And I was like, "wha? How. Everybody says I have the poorest composure and the least ability to cope with life, and that as a result I didn't deserve to be promoted or, in the end, have a job."

And my therapist listed out the things that I do and am capable of doing and have, indeed, demonstrated to him without knowing. I forget the list. But it was not a list I could argue with because it was all true stuff.

Huh.

Afterwards I talked with my friend (who is physically disabled) and they said that of all the people they knew, I (a) had the most awful things to cope with, but (b) coped better than almost anybody else they knew.

Huh.

I don't know if that says awful things about how much I have to cope with that to the naive onlooker I am horribly mentally disorganized, or if it says awful things about me that I wasn't able to cope well enough to meet society's standards.

Like, other friends I've had who weren't disabled in any way ... They all said I was a sad sack of a human being. That I was both pathetic and stupid and should be grateful of what crumbs Amazon or they threw my way. That if I weren't so technically gifted that they wouldn't have bothered being friends with me or caring about my fate.

I had a manger once say to my face that the only reason I was allowed to have FMLA intermittent leave was because I was exceptional, and when I stopped being exceptional...

Sigh.

I think I am doing fine on the coping thing. I learn more coping methods every day and learn to better them all the while. I won't rest on my laurels or anything. I want to get better or at least... Get to a point where I can run a small single-person business.

Ok I ran out of thoughts that I stored up in my brain. I cannot make new thoughts at the moment. I go collapse now.
 
if it says awful things about me that I wasn't able to cope well enough to meet society's standards.

Society standards are 'standards' because they're not meant to be there for the people not able to meet them.
You coped more than 'well enough' for still being able to live in the same society, day to day, while abused & as coping with the aftermath of abuse, now.
Your therapist sounds like someone with at least a basic orientation in his area of work, blessed he.
 

I can so relate to that "Huh? I am doing better than I thought?"

my therapist says that I have a lot of coping skills and that I'll probably be ready for EMDR sooner than I think.

Thats super duper awesome and speaks to how hard you are working towards healing!

Like, other friends I've had who weren't disabled in any way ... They all said I was a sad sack of a human being. That I was both pathetic and stupid and should be grateful of what crumbs Amazon or they threw my way. That if I weren't so technically gifted that they wouldn't have bothered being friends with me or caring about my fate.

I dont know whom those people are but they can keep their crumbs dumbasses! And Id say at least 80% if not more of the world's population is technically challeged, so? And that says what exactly? That technology isnt your thing? Thats totally ok and means nothing.

In my opinion, those are the nasty people of the world!

I had a manger once say to my face that the only reason I was allowed to have FMLA intermittent leave was because I was exceptional, and when I stopped being exceptional...

Ummm, no...you get FMLA because you are federally entitled to have it if you meet the criteria. There is a company that reviews the paperwork (every 6 months for me) and if they deny it when you fit the criteria then thats federally illegal.

That manager should read the ADA better!

You are doing great in my opinion and you should keep it up and shut out the asaholes of the world lol. :hug:

Oh, and according to the ADA challenged manager you are exceptional and I happen to agree with that! ;)
 
I do that!

My T says... [anything, it could absolutely anything positive, or even remotely positive].

Yeah? You reckon? Good at coping you say? Well, let me toss out the content of my entire life onto the floor and sift through it all and find examples to prove you wrong. Take that with your positive feedback!

My T would really prefer it if I could just accept the fact that he knows me pretty well by now and is allowed to give me positive feedback as part of his T-Gig and have me just say, "Wow, you think so? Thanks".

Sooo not how I operate with compliments!
 
Would it help to reframe?

You worked for Amazon. What you describe is hellish at best. Corporate America at its "finest"......!

I worked for a major corporation for the blink of an eye. The expectations were insane. They treated employees like dogs. We were "children" who were demoralized-----no respect, ever.

And Amazon? Probably 100x worse than what I experienced.

Many many people aren't cut out for that type of environment. (I know I could never do it again and I know I'm not alone.) You're strong for putting up with such an abusive environment for so long.

So yes-------when your therapist says you have mad coping skills, he's probably right. Maybe you're thrown off because you don't know "typical" therapeutic skills (or maybe you do and just don't know the proper psychological terms for what they are)-----

I see you posting about learning new skills. I think you deserve far more credit than you give yourself. You're on a good path to healing. I hope you know that! (I say these things as this is what I see in you and I know it can sometimes be hard to see these things in ourselves.)

:hug:
 
Ah, I was wondering why your friends said you should be happy for whatever crumbs they or Amazon give you. Im like "Amazon? Is she getting some sort of Amazon rewards or something"? Yes Im a dumbass!

Working for Amazon was likely worse then working for the big company I worked for and that sucked! Treated so horribly. The way they spoke to me, Ive never been spoken to like that in a job, and I knew what I was doing. I quit a week before I was due to leave for the move I was making to another State and was only there for a few months. f*ck that!

I work in a call center for a big national internet/tv/phone provider now whom has bought out a ton of smaller companies and though being a big company, they treat their employees with respect, 2 sups advised FMLA before i signed up for it, and their feedback of what im doing wrong and/or can do better is always contructive feedback. They never put me down or make me feel stupid or horrible about myself. So it honestly depends on the company. I wouldnt last long today in a company like that.

The other company was the days of moving to get clean off coke 11 yrs ago, so today there isnt any way Id last as long as I did back then. The first time someone talked to me like shit id likely explode and the walk out, or be walked out.

Im sorry you have to deal with that! Any way you can job hunt while working for something with as much or more starting pay or pay you can handle that will pay the bills? Being in that sort of enviroment cant be conductive of healing for sure!

Either way, dont listen to them. You are doing great and you are awesome!
 
My symptoms were bad years ago and just kept getting worse. Towards the end I was using up so much of my intermittent leave (which was unpaid)... And of course that didn't help.

Nowadays things are just so bad I haven't been able to work consistently for over a year. The nightmares are constant and even back when I was working for Amazon, they were frequently so bad that they ended up using up precious intermittent leave time.

Google stopped being interested when I asked them if FMLA intermittent leave could be had on hiring. It didn't matter how talented I was—that was a plain "red flag" to them that I was a bad worker. Folks I know who aren't disabled have no pity for that—"you should just have not asked them, and anyways, you shouldn't need it your first year—you have to prove to them that you're capable, and that isn't the way to do it. You should have expected that response. You need to clean up your act."

Just... I have a case worker who blames me for having nightmares and every time I tell her about them and how badly they affect my ability to work, she starts grilling me on possible ways I'm letting the nightmares happen instead of proactively doing something to prevent them. I meditate and try to envision good thoughts before I sleep—not good enough. I don't try to eat before I sleep—not good enough. I don't eat any strange things—not good enough.

Like I really think I don't have a chance in the workplace now. I can't even scoop myself up together reliably enough for full-fledged interviews (which are day-long affairs with 5 hour-long intense interviews for the tech circuit—like, they never ask you soft questions, you gotta prove you can code on your feet and solve thought problems and play mind games; even your lunch counts as an interview, though they never tell the candidates that)—I cannot get hired in the tech industry as I am right now.

I just want to hurt myself ...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top