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Therapy Anticlimatic

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GWhizz

MyPTSD Pro
So every week I'm psyching myself up for therapy. Trying to plan how to be effective and try to talk about things that are important to me right now etc. I feel like I'm lacking structure and never get anything out of therapy.

So a whole week goes by and we finally come to that hour. I'm in it and just sitting there pretty much unable to say anything of any importance, and getting angry at myself that this hour is quickly passing without anything being said. It's not that I'm pressuring myself. It's just what is the point? I can't do it anyway. What's the point in wasting my energy all week worrying about how to help myself when therapy doesn't seem to help?

It seems like a futile waste of time. I feel like I'm failing at therapy (if you can lol) and that it's a reflection of how I'm failing at life.

I just want to be able to try to participate during that one hour so that I may actually start to realise some benefit in my day-to-day life.
 
Do you simply feel that your time in therapy is ill spent, that you are not getting to the real issues?

I searched literally for years for a T in this area who I could get behind. If your profile talks about how compassionate and understanding etc. you are, how you'll ease into the healing process... No, not for me. I was looking for an experienced, specialized trauma T with a PhD who would understand that I'm a full court press kinda client.

I did find her, and she definitely understands the value of a full court press. She's also extremely smart about it. Last time I saw her, I had suffered a meltdown a couple nights before, in no small part because of the extreme heavy lifting we've done right out of the gate. I didn't have to say anything, really, about not "going there" that day. We talked about my meltdown, about my argument with my partner that catalyzed the meltdown, how I handled it, how I feel... not the stuff of my nightmares, just my everyday :poop:.

Anyway, I've got to say that so far I haven't felt like I need to get more out of therapy with her. I like a firm hand with a soft touch, if that makes any sense at all, and she's been exactly that. If she weren't, I would have a frank discussion with her about what her intentions are for my treatment going forward, and I would expect follow-through, or I would look for another T.

If you do end up feeling you're not getting enough out of therapy after discussing all that, your T might have recommendations for better-suited professionals.
 
Have you had other T's you felt this way about?

Could it be that you have no words for a reason (what you are dealing with in therapy?

I had a friend who simply could not speak in therapy. It is because his words were never valued. He was always humiliated when he attempted to speak so his words are frozen inside of him. It makes him unable to deal in a social way as well. Are you able to speak socially?
I feel like I'm lacking structure and never get anything out of therapy
You are lacking structure? Isn't therapy meant to provide this to you?
 
I do the exact same thing week after week. Then I end up so frustrated, and just want to quit therapy all together. Sorry i wish I had something wise here to say, but sadly I don't. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I even tried writing stuff down prior to sessions, but I couldn't bring myself to give the piece of paper to my therapist, and I couldn't remember a darn thing on it. I just go black, and I freeze.
 
I totally get that! I just said the same thing to my therapist yesterday. I get frustrated when I am ready to go in and talk about the "tough" stuff but end up talking about my husband or whatever is going on. Her suggestion to me was to send her an email during the week stating what things I want to work on. That way I don't forget and also in case I feel unable to bring it up myself in session. I have done that once and it helped. I also agree with the others that you should talk to your T about how you are feeling.
 
I generally spend most of the session trying to talk about non-relevant stuff or at times I talk a little about how hard it is to just be there and talk. She just said at the end of a session 2wks back 'you really struggled today didn't you'. And then last wk said she knew I had a lot of reticence and am feeling stuck. I'm only seeing her about 6wks so far now so it's not like I expect to get into heavy heavy things just yet. But as wks pass stuff is missed and begins to mount. I feel less and less understood as she probably assumes I'm actually okay as I can't really discuss any of my symptoms right now or how they effect me in my life right now. I have brought it up with her but I think she keeps misinterpreting it as 'I want to talk about my abuse but can't' when I certainly don't want to talk about the trauma stuff just yet, I just want her to understand what happens for me. I dunno if this is making sense now lol. I just don't like the particular service I'm attending right now as they dismissed me for months saying it was 'just depression' and now she looks at me like I seem fine as I manage to work etc.

I guess next wk I need to ask her for more structure and direction. I don't know if it is the right service for me as I still feel so undermined and invalidated by the whole team there.
 
To find my current T I sent an email outlining a bunch of things (I posted that email here) and wrote that my primary need is for validation.

It is clear that my T gives this to me in spades, every session, all session. Maybe you could ask for this specifically. It has made such a huge difference for me. My first T minimized me and it was horrific.
 
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I should add that although I know my T is the right one for me I also wonder what I'm doing in therapy and where we are headed. It's so expensive that it's a struggle to pay for something that I don't understand. But, since she definitely is doing me no harm I've decided I'm going to give her a year and try to have faith/trust.
 
Wow, this smacks so familiar.

I have been going to my therapist for almost 3 years and have had quite the time trying to open up. So many folks rush to suggest a new T but I would have the same problem with anyone, I think.

Let me know if any of this sounds like your scenario:
1. I don't have a lot of drama to talk about. My life runs on a pretty steady keel. My problems are relational, wanting to trust and get closer to people. So, it runs deeper than simply recounting crappy things that happened between sessions.
2. I have a really hard time opening up and put the burden on her to drive the session. She asks a lot of questions and I am so grateful for that. It must get really draining for her.
3. I have huge trust issues. For the first year or so, I'd have overwhelming anxiety before and during my sessions. It is getting a lot better.
4. She is moving slowly as to not retraumatize me. She emphasizes this whenever I express frustration with the snails pace. I'm sure some folks fly through in 3 months what we've covered in three years.

We have gone through art therapy in the past so I would have something to talk about. Then we spent a lot of time on my dissociation which has gotten a lot better, too. It's been a long, slow road but I think some of us have an extra layer of self protection that is difficult to get through. Also, sometimes I read articles or books on trauma and find topics to discuss.

This week happened to be one of those weeks where it seemed like a waste of time and I wish I could ask for my money back. But then again, it's my fault for expecting her to drive the session and then walking away dissatisfied with the direction that it went. But I am committed to this effort and the time and money it will take to heal. Hopefully, I will get to a point where I can chatter when I go in there, but I spent so many years withdrawn, it may never happen. Sometimes writing helps.

Ultimately I think they do the best that they can with what we give them. But we gotta give them something...hang in there and keep going. You're worth it. I will guess that she recognizes how difficult this is for you. I recently told my T that I want homework between sessions and that helps, too.

It is weird but I look forward to my sessions in spite of all this!

Hope that helps.
 
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