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Therapy flunkie

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Ok. So if you're considering quitting this T then you have nothing to lose, right? So say some shit. Say it as you're walking out the door. Say it in a note, say it in email, say it in a freaken haiku. Just do something. Anything. Just do something different. Will it suck? Probably. Anything worthwhile does at first. Then if you can't go back afterward, fine. But you've done something. This agony you're going through deliberating? I know it well. It will keep you stuck. Do something and trust it and make another step, another decision and trust it. "But I don't trust myself" Neither do I! But you will learn something from every freaken decision you ever make.
 
Today, I just want to call it quits on therapy altogether. I am not thinking of a change in venue, but a complete abandonment of thr process. I keep reaching for the phone to call and cancel all future appointments, but then I put the phone back down and think I might regret the decision later.

I just want to stop thinking about it all.

And now I am just whining.....there is really nothing more to say that has not already been said. Thank you for the insight.
 
I'm late to the thread, but did want to ask a question - you mentioned wanting to know that he gives...[/QUO

I guess I am bothered by the lack of continuity between sessions. It seems like each week, we meet for the first time. It almost seems like our session is an afterthought. He says we are going to continue a discussion, and then he forgets, or it is never brought up again. I guess it would be kind of like a woman visiting an MD because she thinks she might be pregnant. The MD runs a blood test along with some routine blood work. When the woman returns to find out whether or not she is pregnant (the elephant in the room), the MD instead discusses the implications of vitamin B deficiency (part of the routine metabolic panel that was actually normal, but isnt for some of his other patients). When she asks about the result of the pregnancy test, he says that the next patient is waiting and it can be discussed next time. The problem is, next time, he instead discusses the effect of salt on blood pressure and the pregnancy test is still not mentioned.

I guess, it seems like, if the doctor cared, he would at least review his notes from the last visit five minutes before I walk in the room.

I may not be making sense. It just seems like he is out of touch sometimes. I agree with the previous responses that he should not obsess about his patients outside of session, but it seems like it shouldn't seem like you are meeting a new therapist each week.
 
I guess, it seems like, if the doctor cared, he would at least review his notes from the last visit five minutes before I walk in the room.

There's your fatal flaw!!! That thought! You're assuming he thinks exactly like you do. No one thinks exactly the same. Tell him this. My flaw? I assume if my T doesn't bring a topic up then she just doesn't care. Ha! Very similar and that's why, 2 years in, I'm JUST NOW discussing what I really want to discuss with her. Let that thought go! It is complete and utter crap. When you are talking to someone, anyone, and they randomly bring up a subject do you just not give a $hit because you didn't ask? Hopefully not. So you see? That assumption is not serving you. With my T, *I* have to be in charge of my own healing and that means I have to be the one to bring stuff up. Even when she starts talking about something she wants to try. If I really want to talk about my thing that day I'll say "that sounds really good and I DO want to try that but I really want to focus on x today" and she is always completely ok with that. More than ok. She's there for whatever I need. And so is yours. So tell him exactly what you need from him. At each session. Yes, it's a pain in the a$$ but it's also really good for you. That's how you help yourself and allow another to help you best.
 
en she asks about the result of the pregnancy test, he says that the next patient is waiting and it can be discussed next time. The problem is, next time, he instead discusses the effect of salt on blood pressure and the pregnancy test is still not mentioned.

So, next time before he has a chance to begin, say, "we have unfinished business from last time"
and see what he does. The notes I think therapists probably keep are not so much specifics about what was discussed or not but rather, how you are doing with what was happening in session.

J has said stuff like that and then left things alone for me to marinate on for several weeks or months because I wasn't THERE. I wasn't really up to the task of tackling what we were talking about. "next time" night not be a literal 'next session' but rather, 'in the future'

Does this possibly ring true? It sounds like you are still trying to build some sort of trust in this person and he's trying to assemble some sort of scaffolding for that growth.
 
I can do that even in one session - say there's something I want to talk about and then leave it alone for a week or four... my T is very very committed to me doing it in my own time because I trigger so easily and can be very hard to get grounded and she knows I'll always go back to things when I can cope.

It's your therapy, if there's something you want to go back to, tell her. Using your analogy, it like the woman going for the pregnancy test listening to the doctor go on about whatever and never stopping him to say "that's all great, but am I pregnant or not?". You have the responsibility of driving and directing your therapy because you know what the map looks like, your T only knows what you tell them.
 
To give you an idea of what it's like for me, I sent J an email about some stuff but I was so hyper vigilant in session on Friday that he said he didn't want to push on it too hard but he wanted to acknowledge that I had mentioned it. So yeah, remember that therapists are trying to gauge how we are doing before pushing on difficult subject matter. The point isn't to push us out the door in pieces but to leave us in a better place than they found us.
 
He says we are going to continue a discussion, and then he forgets, or it is never brought up again
I understand this. Mine also doesn't always bring up things that we were in the middle of.

Here's the thing tho - you can bring that stuff up, if that's where you want to start. It's in some ways better, because if you'd rather not, you'd not then passively be dragged into it.

It's not the therapist who actually drives the session content. It's the client. The therapist actively facilitates the client's processing.
 
I understand this. Mine also doesn't always bring up things that we were in the middle of.

Here's...
It does make the most sense, although it's so hard for so many of us that would love to take a more passive role (should just speak for myself there) and having to actively engage is difficult when maybe we were never given a chance to have a voice growing up. So it's really good they do this but really frustrating until you can get to that place where you feel good taking charge of your therapy.
 
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