desiderata310
MyPTSD Pro
People some times ask me why I started running. And generally I give them some sort of cliff notes version of needing to find myself, etc etc. The truth is so much more than that. I needed to find something that would give me a purpose to get up in the morning. I had lost myself in my marriage and in the abuse that had taken over my spirit. With that spring I was trying with some desperation to find myself and reclaim some sense of who I am. I had lost so much and given so much ground. Running gave it back. I felt strong. I felt like the person I wanted to show the world. So I ran with the enthusiasm of a beginner on a mission.
It was that enthusiasm and new found joy that kept me running. That enthusiasm cost me trips to the doctors and physical therapist. It was on one trip that I was told no running for 3 months- till an IT band injury healed. I sat in the doctor's office and cried. I was lucky. The doctor I was seeing was a runner and a triathlete. He smiled at me kindly and asked if I was cross training. I didn't even know what that was.
Cycling? Swimming? He recommended that I start doing both. Start training for a triathlon and bring the running back into the equation in a few months. That sounded insane. It sounded unreasonable. It sounded like what I really needed. It has been what has saved me. It has been my salvation.
Some people go to church, some people meditate, some pray. I run. It is my church. It has been and is my therapy. Running; triathlon is my salvation.
My therapist, upon discovering my coping method recommended that I run as much as possible. Once I recovered from my latest injury, he started recommending distances. This week he recommended that for my long run I run 8 and found amusement when he found out that I didn't like to taper before a race.
The truth is that when things go wrong, when the world has turned from me, when things go sideways and I am scared of what will come next, I can run. In those quiet moments, I can silence my doubts, find peace in myself, and strength to push forward when I am terrified to do so otherwise. When people say lovely things like I am adventurous or 'so strong' what they are really seeing is the result of miles upon miles of running.
I run for sanity.
I run for strength and I run for clarity in a confusing and terrifying world.
I run so I can be strong for my kids.
I run because without running I am less of a person.
Yes, "I run very fast so I can stand very still."
It's been a difficult day today so, I ran.
It was that enthusiasm and new found joy that kept me running. That enthusiasm cost me trips to the doctors and physical therapist. It was on one trip that I was told no running for 3 months- till an IT band injury healed. I sat in the doctor's office and cried. I was lucky. The doctor I was seeing was a runner and a triathlete. He smiled at me kindly and asked if I was cross training. I didn't even know what that was.
Cycling? Swimming? He recommended that I start doing both. Start training for a triathlon and bring the running back into the equation in a few months. That sounded insane. It sounded unreasonable. It sounded like what I really needed. It has been what has saved me. It has been my salvation.
Some people go to church, some people meditate, some pray. I run. It is my church. It has been and is my therapy. Running; triathlon is my salvation.
My therapist, upon discovering my coping method recommended that I run as much as possible. Once I recovered from my latest injury, he started recommending distances. This week he recommended that for my long run I run 8 and found amusement when he found out that I didn't like to taper before a race.
The truth is that when things go wrong, when the world has turned from me, when things go sideways and I am scared of what will come next, I can run. In those quiet moments, I can silence my doubts, find peace in myself, and strength to push forward when I am terrified to do so otherwise. When people say lovely things like I am adventurous or 'so strong' what they are really seeing is the result of miles upon miles of running.
I run for sanity.
I run for strength and I run for clarity in a confusing and terrifying world.
I run so I can be strong for my kids.
I run because without running I am less of a person.
Yes, "I run very fast so I can stand very still."
It's been a difficult day today so, I ran.