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Things I'm Trying...

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Go Hungry

MyPTSD Pro
So anyway... Well, so much has gone on that I wouldn't know where to start; so I'm just going to start wherever I can and see what happens. Okay so, since the last time I checked in, a lot has gone on. One of the biggest things is that I started organizing my life a lot more. I started using Google Calendar to keep track of my appts and eventually started filling it with work things, and bills, and basically everything. (When I can remember to.) It's been of massive help with my memory problems, because so much stuff is off my mind now. I got it working through my smartphone too, so it's helpful in that regard.

(just an aside, smartphones are OMGWTFBBQ awesome organizational tools! wish I had gotten one years ago.)

I also started using mint.com to keep track of all my money. That's been a massive help too, as I can see budgets and how much I'm spending from month to month and figure out ways to save money. And that helps me feel a lot more secure. It's an amazing resource that is really easy to use.

The effect of all of this is that I've added a great deal of structure to my life, whereas before things were largely un-structured. Stuff was pretty much chaos (because, let's face it, PTSD symptoms actively promote chaos in your life.) And it turns out that it is exactly what I was needing. It just makes things so much easier. I kinda went down the list of Accommodations for PTSD in the workplace on Link Removed and started going down the list. And the same things that make it easier to do a good job, I apply in my life.

So I take notes all the time, make written instructions for my various tasks, use the calendar to remind myself of mundane duties. I haven't been able to do it all at once, because it's a big list. But I find that taking that as a starting point for self-care has really worked out well.

So for other things. I'm doing really well at work. My work situation before was really bad. Without going into too much detail, our old director tried to do everything herself, which left all of us unable to properly carry-out our job duties. This had an extremely bad effect on me, because I needed structure, and the office was in chaos at all times. Our new director is ex- Dept of Defense, and simply states that everything goes by the book, period. This has been a godsend, as I now have very specific instructions on my job duties. Structure. The interim director was a neat-freak, and wanted us to write down exactly what process we went through to carry-out our job duties. Structure. The employee manual has clearly defined rules for the workplace. Structure.

It's strange, but all of these things coincidentally happen to fulfill a lot of the accommodations on that list that I linked above. Work has become so well laid out that I've started viewing it as almost a form of therapy. It's when I'm at home that I start ruminating over my traumas and hating myself and stuff. When I'm at work there is no time for it, and I'm just following directions. I don't have to think (busy place), so all I do is concentrate.

It may sound lame, because I was dead-set against rules and obedience to authority and things like that for practically my entire life. (I had been utterly betrayed by all of my authority figures when I was a child) but once I started doing it, things just got really really easy. So yeah, it's therapy.. It gets me off my ass and prevents me from self-pity, which in turn helps my mental state. I now concentrate on ways to work around my disability rather than bashing my head into the brick-wall of my limitations. And I'm finding that I'm not as limited as I thought.
 
Inspiring story of personal accountability! Sometimes we can actually push ourselves too hard so maybe let the home situation unfold more organically and see what happens.

For 30 years I used work and structure to block out the uncomfortable parts of myself. As a result I'm paying the price today with a log jam of blocked emotional energy. My advice is to make sure you leave enough open space in your life for the unpleasant stuff. Accept and embrace whatever comes forward- both old and new- so that it can be processed and released in real time.

You should be proud of all you've accomplished!!
 
Thanks, guys. And @SabrinaB, I appreciate the concern, but right now I'm trying to really grind in the necessity of a structured life. I think it's the key to greater things, and since I've done it, I've found that my creativity is flourishing. My imagination is set free, because I'm not so caught up in the minutiae of daily life.

And truth be told, I am a little scared to spend too much time looking inward right now. I can seriously get very very lost if I don't watch it, so I'm cautiously proceeding in that area.

*hugs* to all! :hug::hug::hug: :)
 
Work has become so well laid out that I've started viewing it as almost a form of therapy. It's when I'm at home that I start ruminating over my traumas and hating myself and stuff. When I'm at work there is no time for it, and I'm just following directions. I don't have to think (busy place), so all I do is concentrate.
Ugh, I really wish I could be that type of PTSD sufferer. For me it seems what I resist persists--i.e., when I try to focus on work, I will have flashbacks and negative self talk back up like sewage. I imagine people from my past hovering over me telling me I'm too stupid to do anything. I don't know why. I wish I could find a surefire task/pastime/anything to just turn it on mute if only temporarily.
 
Hey @Dana1010 ... Trust me, I'm not that 'type' of PTSD survivor. Good lord you should have seen me 8 months ago. A shivering wreck. Seriously. It's only in recent times when I got out of some codependent relationships that I was able to start working on myself in such a way. Luck had a huge part to do with it. I'd love to be the guy who says, "just do this and it'll all be okay", but that just isn't true.

But like I said in my original post, some things are helping.. The structure things seem to work for me. Now I just need to structure the hell out of my weekends and I think I'll be golden! (wishful thinking) :hug:
 
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