....When my heart is deeply involved in something, it's hard to let up. ....I much prefer positive attention to negative attention. Attention in and of itself, is neither good nor bad, simply is. We all need some attention in the course of our day. ....Where there is hope, I'm fired up, where there is hopelessness, I shrivel. ....That ugly, shaming voice of Judgement and 'Guilt tripping' does not flow forth from everyone in this world. In my case, it has simply become lodged and stuck, taking up full residence and control within my mind. It speaks nothing of realism and eveything of re-living the trauma. For me permitting this if, and when, I have choices, gives the thumbs up and allows my abusers and the trauma to have it's way with me. And, with PTSD this means to my bitter end. My days and end may not have to be bitter, and I may not have to provoke this end to come sooner.