mightsurvive
Confident
I had my second councelling session with my new counsellor last night and i'm so worried now. I wish i hadnt said anything - or at least not so much. Have i just ruined my future? Or was I right to be honest. It certainly feels wrong to have been so honest right now. I wanted to be completely honest so that i could help her to help me heal but think i may have done more damage than good.
If any administrators think this post should be moved or deleted please feel free to do so - i wont be offended.
The first thing i told her was about wanting revenge so much. I want revenge but i know that its something i have to stop myself from doing. I'm not evil like him. I know my anger and hate was very clear to see. She wanted me to tell her his name and what i would do. But i didnt for fear of being put away. She said she knew i wasnt a bad person and that she wasnt concerned that i would do anything and that it was natural for me to want revenge but im scared ill get a knock at the door any day from the police. What was i thinking of telling her something like that? On the other hand if i wasnt honest about it then how can i expect her to help me not feel the need for revenge. I'm so mixed up.
I also told her that i flipped at work and that i gently pushed a lad away from me. I didnt hurt him, it was only a little more than moving him away from me. The kids were all crowded round me and pushing papers infront of my face and i just couldnt handle it. I felt i had no space to breathe. That i was being invaded. And i feel so bad for having pushed him away - and so i should. It makes me a bad teacher and a bad person. I've never done that before... ever. So im also scared that she will tell my work and i'll lose my job. Maybe i deserve to. Relatively unimportant consequences for me compared to the possible effects of what i told here above I suppose.
Does anyone have any ideas or opinions on how honest we should be with counsellors? Or where their legal obligations lie? Is she obliged to tell the police what i said or is she allowed to keep quiet?
I know i may be asking questions that are impossible to answer but any ideas would be welcome
If any administrators think this post should be moved or deleted please feel free to do so - i wont be offended.
The first thing i told her was about wanting revenge so much. I want revenge but i know that its something i have to stop myself from doing. I'm not evil like him. I know my anger and hate was very clear to see. She wanted me to tell her his name and what i would do. But i didnt for fear of being put away. She said she knew i wasnt a bad person and that she wasnt concerned that i would do anything and that it was natural for me to want revenge but im scared ill get a knock at the door any day from the police. What was i thinking of telling her something like that? On the other hand if i wasnt honest about it then how can i expect her to help me not feel the need for revenge. I'm so mixed up.
I also told her that i flipped at work and that i gently pushed a lad away from me. I didnt hurt him, it was only a little more than moving him away from me. The kids were all crowded round me and pushing papers infront of my face and i just couldnt handle it. I felt i had no space to breathe. That i was being invaded. And i feel so bad for having pushed him away - and so i should. It makes me a bad teacher and a bad person. I've never done that before... ever. So im also scared that she will tell my work and i'll lose my job. Maybe i deserve to. Relatively unimportant consequences for me compared to the possible effects of what i told here above I suppose.
Does anyone have any ideas or opinions on how honest we should be with counsellors? Or where their legal obligations lie? Is she obliged to tell the police what i said or is she allowed to keep quiet?
I know i may be asking questions that are impossible to answer but any ideas would be welcome