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Think I've Told My Counsellor Too Much.

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mightsurvive

Confident
I had my second councelling session with my new counsellor last night and i'm so worried now. I wish i hadnt said anything - or at least not so much. Have i just ruined my future? Or was I right to be honest. It certainly feels wrong to have been so honest right now. I wanted to be completely honest so that i could help her to help me heal but think i may have done more damage than good.

If any administrators think this post should be moved or deleted please feel free to do so - i wont be offended.

The first thing i told her was about wanting revenge so much. I want revenge but i know that its something i have to stop myself from doing. I'm not evil like him. I know my anger and hate was very clear to see. She wanted me to tell her his name and what i would do. But i didnt for fear of being put away. She said she knew i wasnt a bad person and that she wasnt concerned that i would do anything and that it was natural for me to want revenge but im scared ill get a knock at the door any day from the police. What was i thinking of telling her something like that? On the other hand if i wasnt honest about it then how can i expect her to help me not feel the need for revenge. I'm so mixed up.

I also told her that i flipped at work and that i gently pushed a lad away from me. I didnt hurt him, it was only a little more than moving him away from me. The kids were all crowded round me and pushing papers infront of my face and i just couldnt handle it. I felt i had no space to breathe. That i was being invaded. And i feel so bad for having pushed him away - and so i should. It makes me a bad teacher and a bad person. I've never done that before... ever. So im also scared that she will tell my work and i'll lose my job. Maybe i deserve to. Relatively unimportant consequences for me compared to the possible effects of what i told here above I suppose.

Does anyone have any ideas or opinions on how honest we should be with counsellors? Or where their legal obligations lie? Is she obliged to tell the police what i said or is she allowed to keep quiet?

I know i may be asking questions that are impossible to answer but any ideas would be welcome
 
Hi
thanks for your little message.......i dont think they are allowed to divulge info you tell them,but i cant swear to that,i am sure she just wanted to know how you were feeling,try not too worry about it..

take care
cas
 
MS... you're not a bad person. And your therapist said this. As for moving the lad away... little more than moving a lad away is not abusive if you mean you didn't shove him and just guided. It doesn't make you a bad teacher. If he was upset by it,then maybe he'd need to spoken to about it, but thee act itself wasn't wrong. Well done for controlling the situation... you could have flipped entirely!

How honest should you be? Entirely. I know... terrifying that isn't it. That's why you're freaking out... it's not easy. But it's what you have to do.

Legally... well, I've had quite a few issues with this in therapy with my current therapist....and disastrously in the past also. It depends entirely on what the legal issue is... but generally, if you mean in terms of someone else, well as long as you give no identifying info. you should be fine. But think very carefully about that... i would suggest you talk to your counsellor in your next session about this. It doesn't mean you have to say anything that will lead to breach of confidentiality. But this is usually an issue that needs talking about and careful considering by you. And also the therapist. You can talk about it generally without saying anything that will start something you may not want to start. But, it's important to talk over your reasons for why you may not want something to start, and for you to find your own decisions. Like, I've had to, on several occasions, make very hard decisions about whether I wanted to go to the police about my abuser. It helped to talk it through with the therapist I have now, for me to find my own answer to that dilemma.

If you mean in terms of yourself... I will always say be ENTIRELY honest. Even if you don't want to be. ESPECIALLY if you don't want to be. If you're risking your life, or someone else's... then the therapist definitely needs to know in order to protect.

Hope this is helpful. It's hard to answer this post without knwoing anymore information in terms of the nature of your worries though...

So my advice is, get onto the subject of confidentiality with your therapist and see if you can discuss your worries with him/her.
 
You aren't alone in your worries MS.

I have been seeing my psychiatrist for a few years, and periodically (actually just two weeks ago), I gave him third degree about his responsibility in keeping my information confidential. Who sees his notes, what he writes in his notes, when his notes could be used in a court of law. But, my therapist is an actual doctor, bound by laws-I don't know about a psychologist/therapist/social worker/counselor etc.....

I have been having difficulties with my husband, and was worried that anything I had said to my therapist could be made public if I went to court for custody of my son. He reassured me that everything is confidential with him, and him alone. Certain things could be subpoenaed for court issues, but not the particulars we have discussed. His explanations would be general if he was questioned-nothing pointed. I have to believe him. I have told this man more than I want to admit-ever. To truly help yourself, you need to be able to trust this person thoroughly. As much as I hate to admit it, I rely heavily on this person-and that is perhaps why I have progressed in my therapy (I was going to say "healing", but I haven't gotten to that point yet).

I didn't ask him about the point of where he would hospitalize a patient. I have been doing things to harm myself, and was afraid he would do that. So, I have let up on discussing my self abuse too much. We have concentrated on the anger issue more (which is directly related to my self harming).

When first starting therapy, I had to sign a document that allowed him to contact a family member if he felt it was needed. That has not-nor will it-happen.

You need to definitely talk to your therapist about the confidentiality of your sessions, and how she interprets your anger. If she sees it as a threat or if she sees it as a way you are starting to come to terms with your trauma. I think it is the latter. You are a good person, and these kind of buried emotions will cause fear and pain when surfacing.

Good Luck

nor
 
Mightsurvive,

What you might be feeling more than anything is vulnerability from disclosing traumatic events and emotions. It's creepy. I can't think of a better way to say it.

As for your therapist's responsiblity to report things to the authorities, you might want to do some internet research. The laws and confidentiality rules are pretty clear here in the US and my counselor talked candidly about them during our first meeting. I would suggest that you inquire and find out if only to set your mind at ease. Hopefully, that will enable you to get back to talking honestly with her. Disclosing things will probably continue to make you feel creepy but it is necessary.

Best regards, Ruddy
 
counsellors may have legal obligations

She wanted me to tell her his name and what i would do. But i didnt for fear of being put away.
Hmm, to me that's a medium sized red flag, as usually a counsellor, doctor, lawyer or other professional working for and with you, is nonetheless legally obligated to report specifics that they learn about if the protection of others from harm is an issue (particularly from violent crimes), as near as I understand it.

For example, if you said that you were so angry at times that you planned on buying or borrowing an axe so you could chop off Joe XYZ's head, then the person you're consulting with would probably have no choice but to report that to the authorities, else that counsellor/lawyer/doctor, might be charged along with yourself. [They could reasonably fear that if caught, you might testify that you'd told your counsellor/lawyer/doctor about it beforehand.]

However, was this counsellor appearing to be "fishing" for such information? That activity doesn't sound fair to me unless you'd already 'opened the door' to that aspect -- you need to know your area's legal policy on this topic (better late than never).

It may depend on just which country you live in, perhaps it's different in your area. [It's something I'd asked about earlier of a grief counsellor in Canada, but I'd already suspected that that was indeed the policy.]

Don
 
Hiya Lisa

Thinking of you. Thanks for that message and for saying im not a bad person. I know you are right - just scared that anyone who hasnt been through ptsd would assume that i am bad person. But i guess that is natural after the way i have been treated by a lot of non ptsders.

I know that pushing that boy away gently was not abusive but i shouldnt have done it. If he wanted to press charges i could loose my job. We are literally not allowed to touch a kid even slightly. Even if its by accidnet and not abusive so ive done a bad thing here just by guiding him away from me. Feel so guilty.

I guess i need an assurance from my counsellor that she would not lock me away for having these revenge feelings. Because they are just feelings...allbeit strong as hell. I dont think she can make that promise though. Ill have to discuss it with her first. What i need is a counsellor who i can feel safe with talking about this. At the moment i dont feel safe talking about it becasue i hardly know her. I just feel either i am honest and get locked up or sent to a psych ward for wanting to hurt him or i have to avoid being honest which is also not good because i know i will never deal with these felelings until i can talk about it. So right now it just feels as though im damned if i do and im damned if i dont. Would be so great to be able to talk about my feelings of revenge without the fear of being locked up becasue i think that would help me to let go of the need for revenge and be the bigger person. I dont want to let him win by lowering myself to his level but i can;t stand the thought of him getting away scott free. The police have just about said that theres not much point in putting in a complaint about him becasue i have no dna evidence so there really is no hope at all going down that route.

Your post really has been useful though, made me not feel alone, like im not evil. You have given me the confidence to talk about this again with my counsellor even if we only talk about confidentiality for now so thank you. You are an angel.

Take care
 
Hiya nor

So good to know i'm not alone. For now I'm not going to say anything else about my revenge issues to her. I need assurances that its alright to talk about them first. Surely I'm not the first person to have talked to a counsellor about this. I know i dont need locked away because im not wanting to do anything really. I just want to get my anger out and i think that vocalising what i want to do and hearing someone say "yes he deserves it" will help me to heal. But i really dont want to go through with it and she has to understand that first i guess.

I'm glad to hear that your doctor assured you that you would have confidentiality. It means that you can be honest and we need to do that to deal with things and get better bit by bit. You will get there one day Nor. and its good that you ahve such a great doctor. So good. He sounds like a fantastic person.

You are right of course. I have to talk to her about how she feels about this and thats what i'm going to do.

Might give her a call tomorrow and check just to hopefully put my mind at rest.

Thank you and take care
 
Hiya Ruddy

Thanks for your post and your suggestion to research on the internet. Hadnt thought of that. Sometimes the most simple solutions are the ones we just dont come up with ourselves.

Yeah its scary, weird and creppy talking about thinks like this. You are spot on with that. Guess you know that from experience.

I know i need to find someone to talk to about this but it needs to be someone i feel safe with and I'm not sure that that will be possible but maybe the internet research will help with that.

Thank you ever so much and Take good care of yourself
 
Hiya Don

Your post has scared me but im glad you posted it. I really am so thank you. I would rather know what her legal obligationos are and have to face them than live in ignorance.

Her legal obligations are what i'm most worried about. And it scared me even more when she started asking for his name and what i wanted to do. Maybe i have every reason to be scared about that question. but i need to know.

She really has no need to worry that i will be charged with hurting him because the last thing i want to do is go down that route. I really dont. I just want to be able to vent my feelings of revenge on and to help me cope with them. Surely that doesnt mean im a danger to him. I suppose it depends on how she feels about it.

She wanted me to tell her what i wanted to do but i didnt and she asked me why so again, i told her honestly that i was scared of what she would think of me. Maybe she was just fishing so she had more information to tell the police. I just dont know. I'm scared about it and confused. Why was i so stupid to talk about it. Hind sight is a weird thing eh.

I've decided that im going to do some research and call her to ask her her intentions on whether she will be informing the authorities. Surely she has to be honest about that.

Any way thank you and take care Don
 
Mightsurvive,

It sounds like you have only had a few sessions and your counselor doesn't know you very well yet. Once she does I'm sure she will understand that you aren't a danger to anyone. It must be difficult for them too. I'm sure they do see patients or clients who pose a risk to themselves or others; that's quite a responsibility - legal and morally. Reassure her that you won't follow through with violent actions.

You're not alone in having feelings of revenge. I no longer think about seeking revenge but I still avoid my sister (a party to my abuse) out of fear that I'll explode in a rage and beat the crap out of her. At this point I just want her to stay out of my life. It does/can get better. Keep talking. This is a harsh thing to say, but if I was about to do something voilent I guess I'd rather have them lock me up before I followed through with it. That's another way to look at it.

Meanwhile try to think of something peaceful. There's fresh snow falling here and I'm thinking about a walk in the woods.

Take care, Ruddy
 
Right now i'm worried. I just read a post about complex ptsd and it mentioned that one of the sypmtoms of it is having intrusive thoughts of revenge. OMG. I didnt think it could get much worse but i was wrong. I dont know how to handle this. I soooooooooooo hope im wrong and i know that self diagnosis isnt reliable but its still a scary thought that its a posibility.
 
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