Post/Part 1- Bodily Dissociation
Really am wondering if other people experience great levels of disconnect in their body's and their surroundings?
I'm going to list some things I've been dealing with that I believe are dissociative in nature.
Bear in mind these examples that I've listed are not instances that happen constantly. I don't know why these things happen and why they only happen 40 - 70% of the time. And sometimes I can go for months with no dissociative episodes or symptoms and then other times it seems to be weeks to a couple months.
Examples:
•I have a difficult time knowing what I am thinking, wanting, saying, or needing. This is almost constant and is almost impossible for me to remember what I've been saying or what others have been saying, what I want need or am thinking. Most of the time I just draw a blank. This cause my BF so much frustration. He just doesn't get how I can "forget" or "not know what I am feeling, wanting, needing, etc" He then gets upset with me which makes it all worse.
•I can go days and not eat. Sometimes it's horrible and painful and I do it as punishment. But that's not really what I'm talking about right now. What I'm referring to is during other times where I can go literally 12+ hours (sometimes days) and not eat anything and drink very little and will be really surprised to find out it's been 12 or 24 hours since I last ate. I will have no idea how so much time has gone by and I haven't eaten. I sometimes get really dehydrated because I don't realize I'm thirsty or hungry. In fact most of the time I don't realize I am thirsty until I take a sip of water and then just start sucking it down like I've never tasted something like water. It's ridiculous. Or I won't realize I need to eat until I'm shaking, confused, dizzy, and/or passing out.
•Sometimes I won't know I'm cold or whatever, i just know I'm uncomfortable and maybe chilly. It's not until I cover up and get warmed up do I realize why I was so uncomfortable and that I was indeed very cold.
•And sometimes I might go literally 10+ hours without using the restroom because I don't realize I need to go.
In fact I have had 3 counts of bowel
incontinence in the last few months due to the fact that I am THAT unaware of my body and its needs. I guess I was thinking I only needed to pass gas and then IT happened. The bowel incontinence is so embarrassing. I have literally NO idea it's going to happen or that I even need to use the toilet.
•Sometimes during sexual intimacy I can't really feel much of anything like it's been dulled down or something and I have to fake it cuz it's like numb. But then other times I can O really easy and over and over.
It seems to go in distinct patterns, the dissociative issues I mean. I usually seem to have trauma recovery and memories and dissociative activity for like 1 - 3 months. Then it goes away making me think "I'm better". Only to come back exactly 1 year later (same time of year) and lasting for roughly the same duration.
Really am wondering if other people experience great levels of disconnect in their body's and their surroundings?
I'm going to list some things I've been dealing with that I believe are dissociative in nature.
Bear in mind these examples that I've listed are not instances that happen constantly. I don't know why these things happen and why they only happen 40 - 70% of the time. And sometimes I can go for months with no dissociative episodes or symptoms and then other times it seems to be weeks to a couple months.
Examples:
•I have a difficult time knowing what I am thinking, wanting, saying, or needing. This is almost constant and is almost impossible for me to remember what I've been saying or what others have been saying, what I want need or am thinking. Most of the time I just draw a blank. This cause my BF so much frustration. He just doesn't get how I can "forget" or "not know what I am feeling, wanting, needing, etc" He then gets upset with me which makes it all worse.
•I can go days and not eat. Sometimes it's horrible and painful and I do it as punishment. But that's not really what I'm talking about right now. What I'm referring to is during other times where I can go literally 12+ hours (sometimes days) and not eat anything and drink very little and will be really surprised to find out it's been 12 or 24 hours since I last ate. I will have no idea how so much time has gone by and I haven't eaten. I sometimes get really dehydrated because I don't realize I'm thirsty or hungry. In fact most of the time I don't realize I am thirsty until I take a sip of water and then just start sucking it down like I've never tasted something like water. It's ridiculous. Or I won't realize I need to eat until I'm shaking, confused, dizzy, and/or passing out.
•Sometimes I won't know I'm cold or whatever, i just know I'm uncomfortable and maybe chilly. It's not until I cover up and get warmed up do I realize why I was so uncomfortable and that I was indeed very cold.
•And sometimes I might go literally 10+ hours without using the restroom because I don't realize I need to go.
In fact I have had 3 counts of bowel
incontinence in the last few months due to the fact that I am THAT unaware of my body and its needs. I guess I was thinking I only needed to pass gas and then IT happened. The bowel incontinence is so embarrassing. I have literally NO idea it's going to happen or that I even need to use the toilet.
•Sometimes during sexual intimacy I can't really feel much of anything like it's been dulled down or something and I have to fake it cuz it's like numb. But then other times I can O really easy and over and over.
It seems to go in distinct patterns, the dissociative issues I mean. I usually seem to have trauma recovery and memories and dissociative activity for like 1 - 3 months. Then it goes away making me think "I'm better". Only to come back exactly 1 year later (same time of year) and lasting for roughly the same duration.