My husband of 28 years thinks Im going through this because Ive quit smoking again. What he doesn't understand is the only reason Ive quit this time is because I was hospitalized yet again last month because of the ptsd. I quess my ptsd is in remission most of the time. I have learned what triggers it- quiting smoking, death when its unexpective (I can deal with the elderly), abandonment, getting off the drugs( its been 12 years), Sometimes going back to Maine. So it got triggered last month from pictures of my grandfather and I went into a nonsmoking hospital for 6 days, I decided to stay off them( ive smoked for 38 years since I was 10.) and had a cancer scare earlier this year(spot on the lung). Ive looked at those pictures so many times. I never thought I could trigger this from pictures. I quess its just time to start dealing with my issues. I went from being a alcholic to being a workaloholic. some times I'll work 80 or 90 hours a week. Once I get through the next 6 weeks I will be going out on FMLA I just really need to keep it together for 6 more weeks. Theres people at work that I care about, one of my assisants needs this job and last month when I went out she almost quit cause of the stress. It also put alot of stress on my district manager, its been a rough year for him, I run the highest volume store in the district and it takes a seasoned veteran to run this store. I drive a hour each way cause there really isn't anyone else in the area to run it. I also can't really afford to go out right now. I only have 3 weeks I could take off with pay right now. If I wait till first of the year I will beable to miss 8 weeks and be paid for them. I also plan on giving up the store Im running when I go out. I'll be giving up at least $17000 moving back to my area but just cant deal with the past and commute this far. By the way I'm very thankful I found this forum. Not sure it its OK to talk about God but everything that's happened these last 6 months has been because of my Higher Power, including all of you. Thanks for listening.