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General Tired and Frustrated - Husband with PTSD

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Hi Cheryl, welcome to the site. I am the spouse of a sufferer of PTSD, so I can't tell you much about the symptoms you may be experiencing, or if you may have it or not. But from what I have been reading, there are defenately different levels, or severities, of PTSD. I would venture to say if you have experienced any trauma in your past, no matter how severe it was, and it causes you to feel unsettled as a result; be it anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, or jitteryness in certain situations; then yes, you probably have PTSD.

One of the biggest misconceptions of PTSD that I have seen is that people think you have to have been at war, or suffered at the hands of terrorism (9/11) to qualify as having PTSD. But that is not true. Read the posts on this site and you will find people who were abused as children, raped as adults, witnesses to homicide, survivors of traffic accidents....it really runs the gambit. I know that Anthone will be able to better lay out what PTSD is all about, and there is also a survey you can take that will help you assess whether or not you may be a sufferer.

Anyway, welcome! Please visit frequently, and share with us often!
 
Alanna, LaVonne and Cheryl,

Welcome to the forum. Hopefully you will be able to benefit from all parts of this forum. It often helps to read posts from those also with PTSD as it gives a broader perspective and understanding of the illness from the inside out. Anyhow welcome, I hope that we can lighten your load a little. Take care of you.
 
Hey you guys. My husband and I both have PTSD, so I can see both sides of the spectrum. Feel free to say what comes to your mind. Welcome to the forum.:hello:
 
Hi Alanna and welcome.
Yes you are in the right place so vent away!
My husband and i have been married for 4years and he has PTSD (military) we are all here to listen :)
 
Dealing with PTSD

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the forum today. I live with an Iraqi vet who is suffering from PTSD. It's been pretty hard lately, and I've been searching for someone to talk to as well.

It's real hard because I only met him when the Army dismissed him because he was no longer able to perform his duties due to the PTSD. I've been living with him and his PTSD for two years. I never knew him BEFORE the PTSD, and sometimes I just want to run away from it. I don't know if I'm strong enough to help him. But, I do love him, and I can't imagine how he would be without the support of people who love him, you know. So I'm just torn a lot.

It's really effecting me now because I am so scared from his flashbacks or his episodes or whatever you call them. I just need some help.

I was hoping to find someone online last night to talk to, but I can't figure out how to make the chat thing work as it says it's only available to members. Is there any way to talk to people live when you're in crisis? He has attempted suicide three times, and I am just so scared sometimes.

I know that I have no idea what he's going through, but my sleep is so disturbed because of it. I wake up screaming or walking or panicking. I just need people to talk to, to get my feelings out.

This seems like the place, but at times when it's so bad, I just need someone live, you know.

Thanks for being here,
Linda
 
Welcome to the forum Linda, and glad you joined to say hi, and get the support you need as a spouse. I have no doubt at all you will find adequate support here as there are many spouses actively learning and supporting one another. We the sufferers learn a lot from spouses here also, which helps us to see relationship difficulties and hurdles, thus improving our emotional capabilities to help the relationship overall, ourselves and our spouses. Basically, life becomes so much more harmoneious when where all working off the same sheet of music.
 
Hi everyone,

I'm new to the forum today. I live with an Iraqi vet who is suffering from PTSD. It's been pretty hard lately, and I've been searching for someone to talk to as well.

It's real hard because I only met him when the Army dismissed him because he was no longer able to perform his duties due to the PTSD. I've been living with him and his PTSD for two years. I never knew him BEFORE the PTSD, and sometimes I just want to run away from it. I don't know if I'm strong enough to help him. But, I do love him, and I can't imagine how he would be without the support of people who love him, you know. So I'm just torn a lot.

Linda

Hey Linda,

Welcome to the forum. I understand where you are coming from, I didn't know Anthony before he had PTSD ........although neither of us realised that he had that until later on. Its a tough road, rarely an easy one. Best advice I can give is to start looking after you first. Encourage your partner to get help but don't be surprised if he won't straight away. Most of all don't take his crap, PTSD is his issue, not yours. He has to learn to live with PTSD, you have to learn how to manage you living with him and PTSD. It all takes adjustments. Anthony and I are still fine tuning that and I imagine it will be that way for a long time to come yet. Perhaps until we are too old to care anymore - about PTSD that is.

Come here anytime of the day or night. Just remember our timings are a little out of synch because we all come from different parts of the world. Usually you will find someone online. If not, please post anyway. Anthony or I will usually be online a couple of times a day so a response is never far away. Hopefully we can help you in your journey. Again, welcome. Chat soon.
 
Thanks again!

Hey Kerrie-Ann,

You might think our timings off, but since I really don't sleep much, they likely aren't that far off :)

I hope that we can find a way. I just wish he would talk to some folks on here too, but he's not ready yet. The hospital gave him an "urgent referral" to the mental health folks who I guess can set him up in groups with fellow vets. I hope he accepts their help because I know that he needs to talk things out, but maybe more because I need him to have others to help him because I get tired sometimes. Maybe that's unfair, but it gets overwhelming, you know.

Anyhow, things are better now especially because he has made a decision (with the help of the doctors and his friends) to avoid alcohol. It always seems to make things worse, but you know how folks can lean on alcohol as a crutch to avoid things that are painful. I've done it too, so I'm not blaming him. I just figured it out faster than he did, you know. Anyhow, we're dealing with things better right now, but it just appears to be a cycle, so I live a bit in fear of when the next "bomb" will blow up, just as he probably does. I just hope to build a bit of a coping strategy so that life won't seem so overwhelming for me. That will help me to be stronger for him, you know.

Well, thanks so much. You brightened my day!

Linda
 
Linda,

Glad I can help in some small way. I understand where you are coming from wanting him to get help. Unfortunately its usually the support people (spouses, partners, friends etc) who can see the damage long before those with PTSD will acknowledge that something is wrong. Oh, they know that something is wrong but I think they also instinctively know that to get through to the other side they will have to face their trauma's again.

You are right, it does get overwhelming and lonely and frustrating. Good on you for looking at strategies to deal with this, because you will need them. Its good that he has been referred on for further help and its also good that he has ditched the alcohol. PTSD and alcohol are rarely a good combination. It only numbs the pain temporarily anyway and generally creates more problems than it solves. Alcohol is one of my pet hates, as far as substance abuse and PTSD is concerned, as it is a depressant. So effectively, you are adding a chemical substance to enhance depression when you already have the naturally occuring version. Please remind you partner that you are proud of him for making this adjustment. Its a good sign for both of you because it means now that he will have to find other strategies for dealing with all that PTSD has to offer. Encourage him to seek help but remember the fine line between encouragement and pushing. Also remind him that you are in his corner, I know that they will not often admit to needing it but your support will be invaluable to his healing......if you remember to look after you first!!

I am offering this advice to you, as alcohol used to be one of Anthony's way of coping as well. It used to be pretty nasty and I could see additional problems looming, like alcoholism, before he was willing to admit there was a problem. To his credit he did exactly the same thing as your partner. He cut down, then didn't drink at all for a while and only now will have a couple of social drinks....sometimes at home, sometimes when we are out. We rarely even have it in the house and if we do its light beer or something not too heavy.

As for the sleep thing, you must get some of that or rest at least!! Take care of you.
 
Dear Cheryl,
I attended the PTSD course run by the Mater Hospital in Townsville. During this course, women had their own special time together to discuss their frustrations and the wide array of all other emotions. What I remember most from those sessions is this... the lady who ran those sessions Connie, told us women "that partners of PTSD sufferes, often suffer PTSD symptoms as well". Whilst I understand that this is not technically PTSD, it is very similar. I know myself, I suffer the exact same symptoms as my partner does... only I have discovered that when I present with these symptoms he doesn't. For example, we learnt on the course that whilst driving PTSD sufferes get extremely agitated at other road users. My partner does not drive, I do. When I get cranky with other drivers and abuse them (even though I know I shouldn't) my partner is too preoccupied with trying to calm me down than with his own issues with these other people. I never had this sort of road rage problem before we got together. I hope that I have explained this in a way you can understand.
 
When I get cranky with other drivers and abuse them (even though I know I shouldn't) my partner is too preoccupied with trying to calm me down than with his own issues with these other people. I never had this sort of road rage problem before we got together. I hope that I have explained this in a way you can understand.


Holy Cow, Tammy, it's as if you were riding in the car with Kim and I. And it seems to be getting worse! I just wrote it off as me getting older and crankier, but can definitely see a correlation between Kim's PTSD and my rage on the rode. I just never thought about it that way before.

Thanks, this makes a lot of sense now.
 
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