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Relationship To Talk Or Not To Talk

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Bfab

Learning
Today my bf told me he had a trigger this morning and he disagreed with the feedback the therapist gave on how he should have handled the trigger. Although, I agree with the therapist I didn't tell my bf. I was worried that he'd shut down if he knew that.
I just listened and said "I was proud of him for trying to do the right thing" This isn't the only time I've held back my opinion on his behavior.

I don't want to be a trigger and I figure he'll get his own clarity as he goes through the rest of his treatment.

Am I making the right choice by keeping my thoughts and opinions about his triggers to myself?
 
It's during times like these where I struggle with my sufferer too :( Part of me says that my sufferer's 'ways of coping' and mentalities are actually really toxic and are cognitive distortions, but I'm worried that I'll trigger something else or I'll upset her furthermore if I tell her straight up that she needs to stop dismissing grounding techniques (especially since, with my prodding and coaxing, it's been proven to actually work for her.) I wish there was a way to tell my sufferer that I respect how they feel and I understand why they would feel that way, but that they still shouldn't dismiss the idea of trying different coping methods and ways to handle panic attacks.

On one hand, it was probably wise to stay quiet for now, especially if he's already agitated (I tend to personally offer just support and kindness and listen to my sufferer in order to make her feel validated, rather than go "YEAH, BUT", because I can count the thousands of people that have done that to her, goddamn), but on the other hand, if his method of 'handling' his trigger seems...well, self-harming or harmful towards others, then maybe it would be right to speak up, but that's just what I would do.
 
Thank you for that great advice. You are so right in that he is probably always hearing "yeah, but" and may just need me to listen.

If I notice any harm coming to him or others then I'll insert my suggestions to consider his cognitive thinking tecniques.

Thanks again for the great advice!
 
In my opinion you can't know what his triggers entail enough, or of his therapy and therapeutic process enough, to be in position to have 'thoughts' on them.

Behaviors, sure. But not on the triggers causing it. Two different things.
 
Coming at this from the other side, I would have to say that there is a good chance that your partner may not be in a place where he can even hear you when he's triggered. I'd suggest that if you're really concerned, bring up the subject when he's feeling more present and relaxed...
 
The word "trigger" gets thrown around a lot When people are really talking about are stressors.

Here is a link on trigger vs. stressor. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/stressor-vs-trigger-what-is-a-trigger.9903/

As far as keeping your opinion to yourself... We aren't trained trauma therapists, and as supporters, we need to step back when it comes to that process. It's really not our place. If it's a joint therapy session or couples counseling it's one thing, but their personal therapy is a whole other ballgame.
 
Thanks for explaining the difference in all the different terminology. I took the advice and just listened without giving any feedback.
This weekend that If I pay attention and truly listen, he tells me when he's starting to feel uneasy. Once I figures that out it turned out to be one of the best weekends we've had together.

Thanks for the great advice!
 
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