mightsurvive
Confident
I saw this post in another thread and thought it was worthwhile starting a new thread on this.
This post really made me smile. Thought you were writing about me for a minute.
I know I need to give up school but I keep trying to carry on regardless which is just making me so much worse. Dont get me wrong there are parts of my job that make me feel better. Being with the kids takes my mind off it for a while and they make me smile - and I'm talking about genuine smiles here.
All the rest though - reports, marking, detentions, meetings etc etc - is just swamping me. Its pulling me further and further down. Its drowning me. I know I need to give up work if I'm going to get better but I dont want to give helping the kids up and I know that my husband has expectations for me to carry on with work because he just doesnt have the slightest clue how much harder work makes dealing with life. He tries to understand but fails miserably bless him.
What I really need is for someone to see how bad things are for me even though it would also devastateme and to inist that I take some time off work but I'm not good at letting people see that apart from on here and I cant expect people to be psychic or for non PTSDers to even begin to understand. So thats not going to happen.
So I have to carry on even though I know that one day it will get to the point where it destroys me. Hey I've never liked making things easy on myself but Superwoman has always been able to handle it before the PTSD. Havent seen Superwoman in a long time however, I'm still wearing her mask in public.
So I'm left thinking will I / wont I give up work and know that noone including myself will or can make that decission for me. And the pressure mounts in the mean time. Maybe one day I will crack and and the choice will be made for me. Sounds weird but at least then the decission will be made for me so I wont feel so guilty about stopping work.
I'm on half term at the moment and it really has helped. Another 5 long weeks to go untill Easter.
I know I'm not the only one that feels like this. Not by a long shot. Strawberryburns has proved this. Anyone else?
Anyone found the answer to this dilema for them?
Thank you for starting this topic Metis! I'm going through all this right now too. I'm working full time and even pulling overtime. School is going to hell this semester. I've dropped all but one class. I'm working from 4pm to 1:30am most nights and am working on the weekends for the overtime. I hate what my schedule is doing to how much I see my daughter. As far as trying to socialize, I get home at 2am, nobody else is up to socialize with. Nobody here but me most of the time anyway. I'm still going through a lot emotionally, still crying a lot, still depressed, can't sleep right, shaking, having nightmares, a total wreck and I've been isolating again. My doctor is afraid I'm headed for crash and burn land. I can't bring myself to admit defeat and take a break from school though. Even if I did it wouldn't make all the rest of this bad crap in my head go away, it won't stop the crying and shutting people out. I keep beating myself up for not being Wonder Woman I guess. I went into work today with my eyes all swollen, I looked horrible, barely spoke to anyone. I don't have an answer for you Metis-Siren, I don't even have an answer for me at this point.
This post really made me smile. Thought you were writing about me for a minute.
I know I need to give up school but I keep trying to carry on regardless which is just making me so much worse. Dont get me wrong there are parts of my job that make me feel better. Being with the kids takes my mind off it for a while and they make me smile - and I'm talking about genuine smiles here.
All the rest though - reports, marking, detentions, meetings etc etc - is just swamping me. Its pulling me further and further down. Its drowning me. I know I need to give up work if I'm going to get better but I dont want to give helping the kids up and I know that my husband has expectations for me to carry on with work because he just doesnt have the slightest clue how much harder work makes dealing with life. He tries to understand but fails miserably bless him.
What I really need is for someone to see how bad things are for me even though it would also devastateme and to inist that I take some time off work but I'm not good at letting people see that apart from on here and I cant expect people to be psychic or for non PTSDers to even begin to understand. So thats not going to happen.
So I have to carry on even though I know that one day it will get to the point where it destroys me. Hey I've never liked making things easy on myself but Superwoman has always been able to handle it before the PTSD. Havent seen Superwoman in a long time however, I'm still wearing her mask in public.
So I'm left thinking will I / wont I give up work and know that noone including myself will or can make that decission for me. And the pressure mounts in the mean time. Maybe one day I will crack and and the choice will be made for me. Sounds weird but at least then the decission will be made for me so I wont feel so guilty about stopping work.
I'm on half term at the moment and it really has helped. Another 5 long weeks to go untill Easter.
I know I'm not the only one that feels like this. Not by a long shot. Strawberryburns has proved this. Anyone else?
Anyone found the answer to this dilema for them?