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Too tired of trying not to fall into the well

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Dlessly

There's sadness and there's falling into the black hole of desolation. I've been fighting it off. Tried to talk - I've had two in person sessions with my T and two skype ones in a week - and it won't end. This sadness that eats it all and erases me. And now I am too tired to keep trying to hold it back. I just have to let go, fall down that well and just stop trying.
I am sad. For all the things I've lost and all the things I will never have. And I can't talk about it. And I can't cry. And I can't do anything except be sad, endlessly sad with no tears, cause this is what it is and all there is.
I know I will eventually crawl out of the well. It's happened before. It takes days, weeks... months sometimes. One day I wake up and I forget why I was so sad and I just keep on going. But that day is not today.
I don't know why I'm telling you. I guess I can't tell my T cause she will want me to try and I'm just too tired to try anymore. I don't want to be a failure to her eyes. I'm just so exhausted.
 
There's sadness and there's falling into the black hole of desolation. I've been fighting it off. Tried to talk - I've...

Maybe the reason you wrote is because you've been pushed down that hole before by people without a clue about the place or why. For what it's worth, it was my last time that I found this site.
It might have something to do with misery loving company that it helped lessen the fall :(. Keep in touch
 
I'm there at the moment. So many years of having to be so damn strong despite horrible things keeping on happening. I've not got the energy anymore to keep on fighting and taking care of others when there's been such a deficit of care towards me. Sure I went looking for care, have had counselling sessions galore, waiting for a phone one right now. My tears do fall, maybe being female makes that easier. I feel for you. I know I'll climb out too, My climbing out muscles are so damn strong, but right now, I'm hiding, I'm avoiding,.I'm grieving, I'm hurting, I'm hardly getting out of bed, I'm certainly not leaving the house, and I'm gonna let myself be ok with that. Take care, friend, I'm your comrade in suffering.
 
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