D
Dlessly
There's sadness and there's falling into the black hole of desolation. I've been fighting it off. Tried to talk - I've had two in person sessions with my T and two skype ones in a week - and it won't end. This sadness that eats it all and erases me. And now I am too tired to keep trying to hold it back. I just have to let go, fall down that well and just stop trying.
I am sad. For all the things I've lost and all the things I will never have. And I can't talk about it. And I can't cry. And I can't do anything except be sad, endlessly sad with no tears, cause this is what it is and all there is.
I know I will eventually crawl out of the well. It's happened before. It takes days, weeks... months sometimes. One day I wake up and I forget why I was so sad and I just keep on going. But that day is not today.
I don't know why I'm telling you. I guess I can't tell my T cause she will want me to try and I'm just too tired to try anymore. I don't want to be a failure to her eyes. I'm just so exhausted.
I am sad. For all the things I've lost and all the things I will never have. And I can't talk about it. And I can't cry. And I can't do anything except be sad, endlessly sad with no tears, cause this is what it is and all there is.
I know I will eventually crawl out of the well. It's happened before. It takes days, weeks... months sometimes. One day I wake up and I forget why I was so sad and I just keep on going. But that day is not today.
I don't know why I'm telling you. I guess I can't tell my T cause she will want me to try and I'm just too tired to try anymore. I don't want to be a failure to her eyes. I'm just so exhausted.