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Toolkit: Holidays With The Ptsd Scrooge

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BloomInWinter

MyPTSD Pro
Post your tips for handling the holidays here.

One of the best things I did for myself the Christmas after my Mom died was to NOT celebrate that year. Just bought myself some things I ended, did self-care, worked at the E.R. and carried no painful traditions from the past forward.

Then, I made all new traditions.

My family lost all the heirloom ornaments we children had been given over the years...or they were destroyed. I was accused of stealing them...a false accusation that has hurt deeply and which I've not been able to ever totally get over. But every year, I'd get myself a few nice ornaments on clearance, and now have plenty filled with happy memories from my adult years.

My kids get to pick an ornament for their own trees, someday, and I get them one or we make a new one.

We always try to help out a family who is struggling, as we can.

A decent resource with helpful tips:
The Back-Up Plan

One from the list I'm considering is "Doing stuff for yourself: Provide yourself with something you didn't get that you needed. Maybe this is a grown woman buying her inner child a Barbie doll, maybe it is a veteran presenting himself with a certificate of thanks for his service. Look inside. People who love you would like to do this for you, too. Let them know if they can help somehow."
 
I really don't like Christmas Bloom, I hated family gatherings where I was told to 'go wash up' when my siblings didn't or, when I had my own kids, I was told they could come but had to bring only one toy and play quietly upstairs. The house had no central heating and was freezing upstairs so I refused to go. Now my brother and sister get together for Christmas but I stay at home.

I don't like all the commercial stuff either but, like you, I have made my own traditions. I decided not to put baubles on the tree (there are a few) but to put different types of ornamental birds on instead. I cook on Christmas Eve and Christmas day with my eldest son (he's 21 and a fantastic cook). I decorate the house the way I like it with welcome lights in the windows and Robin candle holders around my fireplace. I have a very special glass nativity scene that has candles behind it that I also light and we have a really relaxing time. I don't go overboard with the food but I get lots of treats like peanuts, crisps, crackers and cheese, pickles, salads, dips n mayo and all the left overs and we all really look forward to having a plate of 'left overs' over the next few days. We watch our favourite films and TV programs and go for walks. I give my lads money and me & my H don't get each other presents. We know we all love eacj other and that is enough.

We have made our own Christmas so we can all relax, without the stress and without needing to impress anyone. We have made our own traditions and made it as special as we can. I don't miss being with others and I don't feel left out. I'm content to be with my H and lads.

I have downloaded the pdf doc to brows later Bloom as it looks interesting. The 'doing something for yourself' thing. My H and I often buy something that we would both like, but if I want to have some quiet time or go out somewhere that's what I do.
 
I hated Christmas until I started doing it my way. But that includes bowing out of all social functions and non-kid obligations. The holiday still painful and haunting for me. But I do think it's been good for my kids. Hubby used to hate it to, but now e have some happy times.

We have a brunch we hold in January for friends and their families. We feed 'em well, avoid having to explain why there's no booze...most know...and have something real to look forward to.

I have one tree that is all bird ornaments...and I sit looking at it whenever the memories get to be too much. My Mom loved birds, too.
 
Wow Bloom! I have never heard of anyone else who has birds on their tree until now! I must say, my Mum loved birds too! I lost my Mum about 7 years ago and my Dad about 15 years ago. I'm 47 but I still miss them, even if I didn't always get on with my Mum.

I'm glad you have made Christmas your own. I think it is a matter of choosing weather to let it get to us or making it our own. I keep away from social functions too. this year we have been invited out for Christmas dinner with my hubby's family but we declined, preferring the less stressful option of staying at home to having to make polite conversation in a stressful environment.

I'm learning to not put myself into these situations so if I do one thing for myself at Christmas it is to stay at home and do very little!!

Your January brunch sounds great! I wish I could do something like that but I couldn't cope with the stress!

Love to you Bloom. x
 
Did someone say Scrooge?

Certainly seems a special time of year though, with some very nice (and very distinct) energy in the air. And it's that way every year just about. So, I like to be still, and sense the joyous energy. For me, that's the best thing about the holidays.
The holidays sorta sparkle, or something.
 
For me Christmas just means being grateful for my family and friends. They are my special gift that I have. My place is small and I decorate it with only a porceline nativity scene and a few lights. I make special gingerbread houses for each of my children's families, well it's more for the grand-kids, but it's a tradition. The kids have continued a tradition that I started with them, we let the kids decorate the tree, you know what, it looks great anyway. And those who have animals, well by the 25th, it's just the upper part of the tree that's decorated ! LOL !

Here's a pic of the gingerbread house that I make.
Maison Pain d\'Épice 2010.jpg
 
This year we are not buying for the adults at all. They will all be given home made cakes and goodies instead.

I have some old glass ornaments my dad gave me years ago.

Now I have lots of green, red and gold ones, but always, always, put a few of those my dad gave me on our tree.

My way of remembering how he made me laugh one Christmas when I was ill. He had a good sense of humour, when he let it show.
 
Christmas was always tough on my husband. He really did not ""get it"".

We decided early on to celebrate our way.

Not bother with the dinner... Social obligations... Tree... Decorations... Cards...

It became very simple: buy presents and hand them out on Dec. 25th! :D It took a lot of the stress off.

We used to go outside and light a bonfire. Have not done that in years though. Maybe this year. :)
 
We're only doing gifts for the kids. I do still plan on having that holiday brunch...we didn't manage it last year but I'm looking forward to it this year.

Far less trauma memories intruding on my so far this season, and more a sense of loss and unresolved grief. But I'm going to enjoy this time with my hubby and kids, no pressure. Hopefully.
 
The holidays are depressing for me since I lost my son to a motorcycle accident. We put up a tree and have the grandkids decorate it. I will have hot choclate and cookies for them this year. We are either going to my daughters house or they are coming over here. We will have grinders so we can munch all day. This year we are going to give stockings filled with little treasures. I wil get excited once the tree is up. I will enjoy the shopping. I hope I get a camera this year.
 
We have made our own Christmas so we can all relax, without the stress and without needing to impress anyone. We have made our own traditions and made it as special as we can. I don't miss being with others and I don't feel left out. I'm content to be with my H and lads.

I look forward to the day we finally do this. Right now we get together with about 30 people on my side of the family(all at once). It gets to be rather nerve wracking. Though, I think my kids enjoy it.
 
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