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Tortured by Their Dad & Now Using His Phrases Against Me Also

Discussion in 'General' started by cpck1966, May 31, 2006.

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  1. cpck1966

    cpck1966 New Member

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    I left my ex-husband 15 years ago, but my children grew up remembering what he did and the cruel things he would say. Now my 18 years old daughter is saying key phrases that she knew where the worst her father could have ever said to me and when I reacted the other day and slapped her, now she wont speak to me and I don't blame her but I have been a good mother and given my three kids everything on my own with no help from the dad they haven't seen in 15 years. This man tortured me brutally in the most inhuman ways. What am I going through now and how do I handle it. Some one please help me. I love my children more then anything.
     
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  3. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Veronica, it sounds like you have certainly suffered enough. Children can be so cruel at times, but only if they knew the effect their words have upon us, would they think before they spoke???

    Have you been diagnosed with PTSD Veronica? Do you seek counselling or support from a physician? How are things with you generally, ie. is this a sudden thing that your children are doing, one child, two, or all three? Has your attitude changed at all, ie. becoming angry, resentful, anxious, depressed?

    I know exactly what your saying about loving your children so much, as I do mine... they really are the center of my existence.
     
  4. YoungAndAngry

    YoungAndAngry Well-Known Member

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    Remember, your child still loves you
    they may say things to you that hurt (I think we all do sometimes)

    she probally knows deep down inside her that she deserved what she got
    obviously she was looking for a reaction from you when she said those things
    ...she probally just didn't expect a slap.
    but IMHO I'd probally give the exact same reaction, lol
     
  5. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    What amazes me is that people still think little children do not understand. So your now 18 year old daughter would have been 3 yrs old when you left your ex-husband. I doubt it was her intent to hurt you as much as she did, I suspect that the teenage hormones were looking for a reaction and it hit the mark. Have you been diagnosed with PTSD? Certainly living with an abusive partner can do that to you. Perhaps all of you could benefit from some counselling, although it would be difficult to get an 18 year old to something like that. To make it even more difficult, she may not even recognise for years to come herself that she will have her own wounds as a result of being in that environment. Please don't take that as criticism of anything you did or did not do, you removed the children and yourself out of that nasty situation and that takes some courage. Its simply a fact that the children are likely to have some sort impact as a result of living with violence. How old are the others?

    Even if you can't get the children to counselling it might help you to take some of that burden off. If you start healing, it will have a positive impact on those around you. I am sorry that it has come to this for you but as I said, I suspect it was more a teenager acting up than anything. Not to mention that they are bloody hard to talk to. I was virtually only raised by my mum and I gave her a fair hard time as a teenager but it is good now. I am lucky to have her as my mum, although sometimes I didn't always see it that way. Take care of you.
     
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