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Tough Week - Marital Distress Because of PTSD?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by mumtofour, Dec 9, 2006.

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  1. mumtofour

    mumtofour New Member

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    Ok, I have no idea where to begin, so, I'll just start. Right now my husband and I are having difficulties in our marriage, he says its due to my PTSD. I am so sick of hearing that we are in marital distress because of my PTSD. Maybe it is and I dont see it. My trauma happened 10 yrs ago and I started to get help but we got pregnant and I stopped counseling. Now I am in the process of starting again. Right now I want to separate from him because I am tired of hearing from him, "you need to go on drugs", "you're crazy", "you need to get help", "you're PTSD this and that"...I know I need help and his nasty comments dont help and they dont encourage me to continue couseling. So, I suggested we separate for a while mainly because I know he's going to want sex while I'm going through counseling and dealing with my sexual trauma. Well, that's all for now.
     
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  3. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

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    hugs mum to four. I'm sorry this is starting in on your marriage... I don't have any advice at all except to concentrate on your healing. Take care...
     
  4. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    i'm sure that makes you feel like he isn't supporting you, mum. maybe he could go for some counseling, too? even if he just sits in sometimes, it might help him see, about the "intimacy" issue--my husband has been far more understanding with this than i thought he would be, of course he's 54 yr old, too. might be worse for a younger man, i guess. even so, he is old enough to know life is not all about sex. hang in there.
     
  5. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Yep, PTSD and relationships... they just don't mix well together. Not so much because of the PTSD itself, but exactly what you said above mum... partners think everything is related to PTSD. They have a name, and they use it to blame everything upon, denying any fault themselves. Partners just love having PTSD to use as a blaming tool....
     
  6. mumtofour

    mumtofour New Member

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    How do I know when it's my PTSD affecting my relationship or if it's my husband's own personal behavior which he is not taking responsibility for that's affecting our relationship???
     
  7. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    That has got to be the most ANNOYING aspect of spouses.....:mad:

    Bec
     
  8. Miander

    Miander Active Member

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    Same boat

    Hi mumtofour - I just wanted to let you know that I understand your anger and confusion. I too have a husband that says those horrible things to me and I too have thought about leaving him because I questioned how much he was hurting me in addition to dealing with PTSD. I have come to several realizations about my husband and it helps me stay with him for the good of our children (3 girls) and because underneath it all, I do love him and he loves me.

    1. My husband is actually very immature for a 41 year old man.
    2. My husband has a very short fuse and doesn't tolerate my anxiety well.
    3. My husband doesn't really understand what PTSD is, nor does he care enough to try to educate himself about it.
    4. It is easier to blame PTSD for making me crazy than to take responsibility for his own role in my mental well being.
     
  9. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Okay, I am going to be blunt. VERY VERY BLUNT. Perhaps even seemingly cruel, bordering on ignorant.

    Where, in that list of four traits, do you see love? Love is an ACTION, not a word. Those actions are selfish. Love is not selfish. That is all about him not, we, us, you, marriage, couple.. nope just I's, me, mine etc.. and that is good for your girls? Three of them? Teaching them that "love" is about the other person only? No comprimises? No efforts? No actions? OMG....

    Bec
     
  10. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Sometimes blunt is OK. I know I have had to have me smacked with a 2x4 cyber of course, but that is sometimes what we need. All I can say is marital counseling. Mine at time can be an annoying jerk too, but he tries to educate himself as much as he can on PTSD at least.
     
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