• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Transference with one t and not the other who to choose?

Status
Not open for further replies.
Basically says it all. I’m trying 2. One has experience with trauma and I’m completely comfortable with her. No nervousness at ALL. I leave and don’t obsess about therapy. Other t is not experienced in trauma but knows some things. Starting to obsess. Soooo nervous there!!

I know I can get something from either. I’m more in control with t number one and we are working on what I want to work on. With the other, other stuff is coming up. I am very much not in control there y anxiety is). Who to choose??
 
I would go with the one that you feel most comfortable with and who is going to help you most on your journey.
I have major transference issue with my T and in my head he is the perfect man and a superhero.I do find the transference hard at times but at the same time he is the only man I have ever felt safe with and the first T I have really opened up to.
However to me it sounds like you are more comfortable with the first one and you said you do not feel nervous around her and that is good sign.
 
I can only speak from my experience.

Being in a relationship, with a therapist or someone else, that makes me feel uncomfortable makes me slowly lose faith in myself.

On and on I start to doubt my own feelings. And the transference or just plain incompetence harms me.

I have not gained anything from being in a such a relationship but to know I should avoid them. Not that I always remember that lesson.

The reason I have stayed in such relationships, therapeutic or not, is that I want someone to tell me what is wrong with so I can become a better person. That strategy has not helped. At all.

I think it might be your trauma brain that wants to go towards the familiar, which is pain.

I would advice you to go with the one you feel comfortable with. The other one is still there if you change your mind, right?
 
The first one it feels like I’m talking to a good friend. I mean, it’s still all about me...
I think we all tend to gravitate towards what we know. If all you know is chaos and being uncomfortable there is a part of your brain that clicks and says "this is the way it is supposed to be." Perhaps since that didn't work, you should try a new experience? I think I would go with the one I could get the most work done with and not have the extra nuisance of transference going on. Good luck though!!! I hope it works out!
 
Holy crap, you guys. That makes total sense!!! I know powerlessness and chaos and not knowing what to do and that’s how I feel with transference t!!

Ok awesome. It doesn’t feel “natural” to me but I’m gonna go with door number one. She said something yesterday that really made me rethink my assumptions, too and I feel so much in my own power there.
 
So my current therapist felt very comfortable and natural to talk to at first. She still does.
I then developed an attachment to her and this caused some discomfort which we are working through.
I can have "maternal projections" onto her, but I still always feel that comfort, equality vibe, so I know it's a good match.
I would definitely go with the trauma focused doc that makes you feel comfortable.
It seems you are being too logical here, you've got to use your gut.
It seems to me if you feel nervous in response to your therapist right off the bat, that is a sign for not being the right fit.
 
I’m really glad I asked here! Yeah it’s weird not to have that deep sense of dread with her. She definitely feels like an equal to. Who can help. The other t I worry is going to kill me. Seriously. But I have a fear of guys and their anger. So that’s why I wanted to challenge myself and go with him but I just lose my power there. He said he doesn’t believe in goals but is willing to work with mine if it’s important to me. He’s more about working with what’s here. In this moment. Which has an appeal to me. But that seems like therapy that might last awhile, with how I feel when I’m there. And I know exactly what I want to focus on with other t and I’m all about that there.
 
But I feel like you should have that comfort there too and he should be trauma focused, I think that is the key. Don't choose someone just because of nervousness.
Your logical decision making comes into play with choosing someone focused in what you need and also your gut instinct.
Is it hard for you to trust yourself?
 
But I feel like you should have that comfort there too and he should be trauma focused, I think that...
Soooooo hard! I think that’s common with us, though. I just sent him an email which was hard. Saying I’m choosing the other one for now and I mentioned some good things about him. Ugh. I feel bad. He was nice. But it’ll be nice to not obsess about therapy omg!!!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top