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Trapped Emotions? A Monster In My Head

Discussion in 'General' started by MartM, Mar 17, 2007.

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  1. MartM

    MartM New Member

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    I feel like I have a little monster inside my head that keeps me stressed, causes panic in the day and wakes me in distress at night. It started about a year and a half ago when stress built up to the point of a nervous breakdown. Since then, nights are the worse than days because I can't sleep more than a few hours before waking in distress (heart racing, fear, and adrenaline).

    Some PTSD books talk about trapped emotions. I've done lots of crying, talked to others, and it will not go away. Has anyone ever recovered, at least to some degree, by 'getting emotions out'? Talking to someone close to get things off your mind?
     
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  3. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Hi MartM,

    Talking, writing, crying, 'getting the emotions out' have been the things that have helped me so much. When you keep emotions, negative thoughts and fears inside of yourself, they seem to take on a life of their own and grow bigger and bigger until they overwhelm you. Talking to someone, writing down how you feel, crying even is like a pressure relief valve.

    Talking to my therapist has also helped me a great deal. He specializes in PTSD and when I tell him things or ask him questions, he can give me answers that others can't. I can tell my husband about how I feel-he gives me support, but can't help to find out the reasons behind why I'm feeling a certain way. My therapist can give me the answers to some questions that have bugged me for more years than I care to count.

    Talking with people here also helps because, even though we all have our own traumas, we all deal with the symptoms that the PTSD causes.

    I hope this helped.
     
  4. slhlilbit

    slhlilbit Active Member

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    I can so relate. for years as i tried to go on with my life and pretend that i was ok. i felt the same way a monster inside my head. as i started trying to understand what was wrong with me and learned that i had ptsd it took a few years for me to get it. everyday i heal a little more. talking to people therapists ,dr.'s , family , friends, and now this forum ,has helped alot. i didnt really understand what ptsd ment. i thought i was doing my self and everyone elce a favor my keeping mouth shut when all i was doing was letting that monster grow. i am not listing to that monster anymore. most of the time i can talk it down. but there are times when i need a reality check. so i talk. hang in there.
     
  5. vcc123

    vcc123 Active Member

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    Must be a busy little bugger... he's been in my head too !! Its so frustrating.. feels like he's running around in there with an egg beater!!

    I try relaxation music.. not working lately. I did some work outside yesterday, restoring a leaded glass window section.. that was nice.. peaceful.

    Reading has been difficult.. ( cant concentrate )

    Watched a cute movie with my son.. that was nice.. relaxing.
     
  6. wadoo

    wadoo Active Member

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    MartM,

    I had a nervous break down about 11 years ago... I was like a piece of concrete... couldn't feel basically... my skin is still very numb but getting there.... wont go into it because things were very ugly for about 3 years.

    Writing things down and talking to people didn't help me at all because my life wasn't what it should have been but that didn't explain my lack of emotion for my kids because I actually loved them. And it didn't explain why I couldn't get my emotions out.. the only emotion I could show was rage.

    Could sit there and listen to a horrible story and not even flinch an eye. Could watch a horrid thing and not get fazed by it. Couldn't cry unless it was about the past. I just had nothing.

    After I changed my life for the better I found a councillor that specialises in PTSD (coucilling before didn't really help because it was only normal councilling) and I actually spoke the truth and my writing I actually wrote the truth as rediculous or small or distorted whatever it was just so long as I got out what I was feeling.

    I learnt how to force myself to have like plastic emotions to my kids because I could see that the emotionless was killing them.

    Now I just manage by making myself feel and I sometimes think that it's taking on a life of it's own without me having to force the issue... little bit by little bit. It's really hard and really confusing sometimes... BABY STEPS.

    But my partner helps me so much because I said to him the other day when I was going through a crisis

    "Can i please start telling you my feelings throughout the day because I have no idea what are distorted thoughts and what a real thoughts... I get confused with reality and the real"

    He agreed which I was confused about because I was sure he would think I was crazy and right there and then I started to tell him my real, distorted, present, whatever thoughts they were right to the point of things as rediculour or stupid to anyone else but so real to me all the while feeling like I was a little child but it didn't matter and he actually told me whether or not each one was real or not... that just completely emptied my head and I felt so releaved and wasn't scared anymore to feel because I knew he had my back... It was like I let him enter into my crazy world for a little while.

    But that was last week and I'm already ready to go through the whole proceedure again with him because I feel that he may have forgotton or he's not interested anymore... Is that distorded or not?? I dont know.

    But I found that has helped me alot to get my emotions out. Wish I coulda done that years ago... but I think it's gotta be with someone you completely trust that they're not going to laugh or judge.. and sometimes a councillor isn't the one or maybe they are the one... whoever you can let go with 100%.

    God I hope I'm making sense and I'm actually on the right track.

    Good luck to you.
     
  7. willing

    willing Active Member

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    Hello MartM,
    Marlene's advice sure is helpful to me. I just found out in Jan about this site by typing in PTSD in Google and found it. I also in Jan found out that the monster in my head was in other people's heads too. This site so helped me realize and perhaps let go of the thin rope I was holding onto to keep the monster at bay. I wasn't sure if I would live or die when I let go. All I can say is to be willing to reach out for help ...like you are. Just the effort of honestly reaching for help will amaze you. There are folks, in unexpected and sometimes delightful ways around to catch you when you think you're going over the cliff. Just remain willing to try something new each day and you will be amazed.
    for ever grateful
    Patty
     
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