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Other Trichotillomania (hair pulling) and other body focused repetitive disorders

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Candleflames

MyPTSD Pro
I do a lot of these. I pull out the hair on my scalp to the point of having bald patches. I pick at everything: fingernails, cuticles, bug bites, moles and freckles, fuzzies on my shirt. I pick at something till it bleeds or till I rip a hole in my shirt.

It's the trich that really makes me feel like a freak. How soothing it is. How sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. How other times it's very ritualistic. How I'll think self depreciative thoughts and even that feels good. I did some searching and found other peoples posts that mention this issue but no thread about it.

I thought it might be nice to have a thread to talk about our experiences, how it makes us feel, what we are doing about it and so on. Deep breath and I'll go first.

So I started pulling out my eyelashes when I was 11 or so. Plucked them clean gone, every last one. Then started on my scalp hair. Did that for only a couple of years and then just stopped. About the same time I stopped pulling I started trying drugs. I did whatever my parents had lying around. This is when the skin picking started.

Fast forward to my mid-twenties and I am married have a kid been off drugs for about 5 years and am going back to school. I didn't even notice what I was doing at first. This time my scalp also hurts. It feels like great pressure under the skin and I need to get whatever is causing it out. It drives me nuts. I start using tweezers, thinking if I can just find the one hair that is causing the hurt it will all go away. That doesn't work and I am so frustrated. I go to my gp and she looks at me like I've sprouted arms out of my ears. I'm so mortified that it takes me another 10 years before I'll bring it up with another doctor.

I want to stop pulling so now I am looking at therapists who specialize in these types of disorders. I'm lucky there are quite a few in my region. I'm hoping they will be willing to work with me and my current T for a set amount of time.

Anybody else out there dealing with this issue? Have you found anything that helps or have you found a T that has helped?
 
Hi Candleflames.

I am not this way inclined so hope it's OK responding. Just wanted to say that you are not in any way a freak because of this! Do you have other OCD traits or is it just these? Really OCD is just another way of attempting to deal with stress.
 
Aww, Candleflames, honestly, I probably would never have replied to this thread except that you were so kind and helpful to me the other day. I have habits that remind me of this too, sometimes worse, sometimes better/nearly gone, I think it definitely depends on how much stress I have.

One old habit I hate that I've picked up again recently is picking at my scalp, lately it's constantly scabbed because of it. It is soothing, very soothing, somehow...

I used to spend time fixated on picking at blemishes on my chest as well, in a way that disturbed me but that I found very difficult to stop.

Sometimes I'll stand in front of my mirror and scrutinize my pores forever, looking for nearly invisible blemishes for quite a while. I think it's anxiety related, because I'm not vain or worried about my appearance in general. I had stopped for quite a while, but notice I'm doing this more again lately, have been stressed.

I go to my gp and she looks at me like I've sprouted arms out of my ears. I'm so mortified that it takes me another 10 years before I'll bring it up with another doctor.

Gosh, I know what you mean! It took me ages to admit to a psychologist I saw was I a teenager, and her reaction was mortifying. She wanted me to "prove" I was hurting myself by showing her my chest! (She was a tough one.)

I am married have a kid been off drugs for about 5 years and am going back to school.

P.S. BRAVO!
 
I feel like a freak for so many reasons. This one I think disturbs me the most, more than cutting or burning myself. I'm sure it has to do with western cultural ideas of acceptable appearance. Ha! That's a rich one coming from the middle aged goth pagan mom of three!

More specifically growing up appearance was vitally important. It was the main distinguishing feature between my sister and I. She was lavished with attention for being so pretty while I was admonished for every physical flaw. I would never judge another for having the same issue as me. They would have my empathy even as I become angry at myself.

Do you have other OCD traits or is it just these?

I do but they are no where near the level of actual OCD. It's more of an OCD like quirks. I have to have my environment to be orderly. I like for everything to have a place and things grouped by category, but my stuff can't all be in strait lines of orderly so I'll knock things off just a bit.

And of course anyone can participate. I'd like some fresh perspectives. I've definitely lost that with having been dealing with this for so long.

One old habit I hate that I've picked up again recently is picking at my scalp, lately it's constantly scabbed because of it. It is soothing, very soothing, somehow...

I'm glad you did respond. It sounds like you do some of this body picking to self sooth as well. I pick at my scalp when I am pulling too. Occasionally I'll gouge out chucks of skin in a frenzy. It is part of the Trich and Dermatillomania (skin picking). I finally have mosquito bites that the scabs are falling off of. Ouch, they burn as well as itch now.

I don't think it has much to do with vanity. For me it's more about how I feel so inadequate. I'll usually start with running through my usual self depreciating thoughts and then try to quiet them by touching an area that is feeling sensitive. Then it escalates to pulling and picking. It's like I'm trying regulate my internal world by tearing apart my eternal facade. It of course only help for a moment and then I'm back to feeling like crap.

I hope you left that therapist quickly. Demanding is never going to put someone at ease and feel safe to reveal their wound, physical or emotional.

P.S. BRAVO!

That was 13 years ago when I started pulling again. Wow it's been a long time. Thanks. It wasn't easy. I had to take classes to learn how to do basic life stuff as well as be a parent.
 
I think a very common misconception is that Dermatillomania and Tricolormania are about self harm when they are actually soothing behaviours. Hence listed under OCD and not self harm. I always found that interesting. I am sure there are those that use them in that way though! So what I mean to say by that is that you using it to soothe yourself is totally normal!

So sorry this stuff has had such an affect on you. The physical consequences can be very difficult I know. Have you found it improved as your coping skills improved?
 
I know that they aren't one and the same, but at the same time I don't think they are totally separate either. The trich and the self harm that is. I think there is a lot of overlap in people's symptoms and how they can be categorized. It depends a lot on motivations, thought process and the emotional states we are in when we do specific things. I guess my logical side can see my issue represented by a venn diagram of sorts. I can only speak for myself but I'll try to explain why I think this way.

Some of the reasons I pull are some of the same reasons I'll cut but not why I'll burn or punch. Those last two have distinct and separate reasons from each other. The emotional state I'm in when pulling is sometimes the same state I'm in when punching myself. Often I'll do both of those at the same times. Usually the the pulling only feels good but sometimes has a mixture of pain and pleasure and the cutting and burning usually has the mixture but is sometimes only pleasurable. The pulling, cutting and burning all to some degree help me feel better in the moment while the punching is pure about punishing myself. I guess it a pretty messed up diagram I'm trying to paint here.

I knew that trich and ocd are related and that treatments come from the same school of thought but I thought trich was classified as an impulse control disorder. Or are impulse control disorders and ocd classified together as well?

I don't know if it's my coping skills or the stars lining up for me, I do have relief from all of those behaviors when life is running more smoothly. It'd be nice to think it's my coping skills but I don't feel that in control. I have noticed that I do have an increase in pulling right before "Aunt Irma" shows up for a visit (menses) and after particularly intense therapy sessions.

I have an appointment for Tuesday with someone who treats trich. Hopefully I will be able to gain some new and improved coping skills quickly.

It sounds like you have some experience with people who have trich. Have you noticed ways of coping or ways others can help with the process of overcoming this?
 
So I have seen the new T twice now. The first appointment went for over an hour and a half! I had a lot of history to go over. The second appointment went much easier and faster. She has me keeping a record of when I pull and what is happening right before, during and after. It's to get a better idea of my triggers.

I also found a hairdresser! We colored what hair I have. Most of my head is shaved but I have bangs and long bit at my temples. A friend of mine calls them puppy ears. Well now they are purple. When I do start growing my hair back out we will work together to come up with some hair styles that help me feel good about how I look. Not too sure that's possible but here's to hoping. :)

I'm both scared and excited about this endeavor. Wringing my hand when I'm not typing.
 
Anybody else out there dealing with this issue? Have you found anything that helps or have you found a T that has helped?

Alot of people out there have trich. Millions in the US alone.

As for trearment, there currently no cure for trich. However, different treatment methods are available. The method of choice for most is CBT (to date). However from experience I can say that it doesn't fit all people, and that you really have to experiment with various methods "hands on", till you get to some combination that works for you.

Hope this helps, and remember, it can be dealt with and stopped! There are numerous success stories out there.
 
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Hi @mornings. I had forgotten about this thread so I'm glad you found it.

I started CBT shortly after I started the thread. For me the CBT has been really helpful along with medications and talk therapy. For a while I was seeing two therapist three times a week in total. There was a lot of homework. I'm happy to report that I have a full head of hair and that the pulling has been reduced to once or twice a week. The CBT sessions are being tapered off and I am only seeing her every 2-3 weeks.
 
I have trich, too. I used to think I was different from others, until I found it was a real condition. I started pulling out my pubic hair at 14, shortly after I was assaulted by my uncle; having it triggered me, so I had to get rid of it. Then, I started plucking out my eyebrows, and would get laughed at in school. It moved on to using tweezers, in rituals, to help me bring order and accomplishment to chaos. I wanted to fix myself, repair, relieve, change, sometimes, punish, but mostly, soothe myself.

I moved onto plucking hair wherever possible, and the harder to remove a hair, the more my brain reacted, and I just had, even if it meant going into the skin, and causing bleeding. I found, also, that size and texture of the hair was important. If the hair was wirey, or coarse, the greater the relief when pulled. Sometimes, if I extracted, deep enough, I'd feel an intense urge to eat the end of the hair, at the bulb. Sounds insane, I know.

Since I've received treatment for some of my traumas, my inclination towards this has declined a lot. I still do it, albeit to a couple hairs, and only when severely triggered, and stressed. You are definitely not alone
 
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I have dealt with this as well. I have no problem talking about a multitude of problems I have, but have always been severely self conscious about this one in particular.

At 7 years old, I started pulling hair from my scalp leaving huge bald patches particularly at the crown of my head and front of my forehead (imagine the struggle trying to hide that one). Kids at school picked on me about it.

Fast forward to jr high, I had stopped pulling from my scalp and began pulling out my eyelashes. A girl in gym class once said under her breath that I looked like a cancer patient.
In high school, I pulled out my eyelashes and eyebrows.

Since I started talking about my past, the pulling has formed into another self harm behavior. I often scratch myself or pick at scars leftover from my most recent trauma. It is embarrassing when someone notices the patches of harmed skin I leave behind. But I constantly make up excuses for it - anything to not give myself away.

It was the first thing that tipped my therapist off to the fact that I had spent most of my life repressing emotional turmoil. The picking was my way of staying emotionally stable and handling stress I couldn't otherwise deal with.
 
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I don't if this will be helpful, but I used to tweeze out my leg hairs (weird, I know, my leg hair is now all spotty when my hair on my legs grows out, if only I was more focused- "free" electrolysis!) just to feel something. I just wanted to feel something, anything. Later on, that turned to self-harm, but that's what I was doing there.

I also mess with my face (i.e., look for acne or whatever- gah, so gross) and it's a habit I have to stop or else I'll have more scarring than I want. I do it on a subconscious level because deep down I want to make myself "ugly" because being "pretty" is what got me assaulted. I do it because I'm scared to not do it. (I'm working on this, though, bit by bit!)

To combat this, quit smoking, decrease my anxiety, etc., I started knitting. It gives me something to do with my hands and keeps them busy when I want to be destructive. And, the end result is something that I can look at with pride (usually) and say, "Look what I did instead of harming myself!" which is kind of a nice feeling, really. A deep down satisfaction.
 
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