So I know that the act of deceit and cheating on a partner is not a specific result of PTSD. People do. But if anyone would have any wise words and perhaps give some insights to see things clearer, I would love to hear. I specifically wonder about the justification, emotional stress upon confrontation and how it in this situation has triggered into the most detached, malicious and cold-hearted reaction I have ever seen in my ex-partner.
Everything is my fault of course, according to him. I found out that he was spending time with one of my students, keeping it unknown to me. He had confided in her about our break-up, something I intentionally did not announce to my students because I like to keep my personal life private and giving her the insight, his side of the story, portraying me negatively, really undermines how she perceives me (as a teacher) and I cannot really imagine how poorly it would be if she shared this with other students.
I started implying that I knew he was keeping something from me, hoping he would come clean at his own accord, but eventually confronted him - but only about the fact that he was speaking to her, or more specifically, why on earth he felt the need to tell one of my students about why we had broken up. Any natural reaction when someone is lied to or deceived is to feel hurt, and likewise when someone is being caught lying, one defends or justifies the actions. Problem is, everything is a nightmare, and I haven't even confronted him about knowing the whole truth, as far as he knows I was just upset about being deceived about him speaking to her and why he felt he needed to cover that up.
He has managed to turn this into it being about my insecurities, how dramatic i always am, and that I cannot censor or decide who he speaks to and that he now wants nothing to do with me. This confrontation has brought back everything that has ever been an issue and he is one wrecked soul right now and he blames it on me, because if I was intelligent enough, if I actually cared about him, I would not have mistrusted him in the first place and escalated all kinds of madness by confronting him about such a petty thing like who he is talking to. My perception is that all this anger is him really being upset and ashamed, not for his actions, but for being caught.
I'm mostly dumbfounded and confused, how he can manage to turn his deceit and finding someone to confide in (and more, but the fact that I have that knowledge he is unaware), as my problem with being a trusting and caring person. How can he use me as a punch-bag accusing me for lack of trust and sincerity or love, when he has done this?! This part is what I would point out as the questionable behavior and reaction, and would like to get some clarity about the thought process/impact/psychology that could lie behind it.
Everything is my fault of course, according to him. I found out that he was spending time with one of my students, keeping it unknown to me. He had confided in her about our break-up, something I intentionally did not announce to my students because I like to keep my personal life private and giving her the insight, his side of the story, portraying me negatively, really undermines how she perceives me (as a teacher) and I cannot really imagine how poorly it would be if she shared this with other students.
I started implying that I knew he was keeping something from me, hoping he would come clean at his own accord, but eventually confronted him - but only about the fact that he was speaking to her, or more specifically, why on earth he felt the need to tell one of my students about why we had broken up. Any natural reaction when someone is lied to or deceived is to feel hurt, and likewise when someone is being caught lying, one defends or justifies the actions. Problem is, everything is a nightmare, and I haven't even confronted him about knowing the whole truth, as far as he knows I was just upset about being deceived about him speaking to her and why he felt he needed to cover that up.
He has managed to turn this into it being about my insecurities, how dramatic i always am, and that I cannot censor or decide who he speaks to and that he now wants nothing to do with me. This confrontation has brought back everything that has ever been an issue and he is one wrecked soul right now and he blames it on me, because if I was intelligent enough, if I actually cared about him, I would not have mistrusted him in the first place and escalated all kinds of madness by confronting him about such a petty thing like who he is talking to. My perception is that all this anger is him really being upset and ashamed, not for his actions, but for being caught.
I'm mostly dumbfounded and confused, how he can manage to turn his deceit and finding someone to confide in (and more, but the fact that I have that knowledge he is unaware), as my problem with being a trusting and caring person. How can he use me as a punch-bag accusing me for lack of trust and sincerity or love, when he has done this?! This part is what I would point out as the questionable behavior and reaction, and would like to get some clarity about the thought process/impact/psychology that could lie behind it.