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Triggers Rape - I am Angry As Can Be, Offended By Therapist

Discussion in 'Social' started by Rob T., May 22, 2007.

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  1. Rob T.

    Rob T. Active Member

    What I am writing now may offend quite a lot of people.

    Please be carefull in reading this if you have bad experiences or issues with sexual assault.

    I met my new therapist the other day. I mentioned to her that one previous therapy office had decided to take my therapist away, saying I had a problem with women from another continent. I do not.

    I talked with my new threapist about it, and she said something like:

    They probably shut you out and gave you false reasons because thet thought you were a molestation threat.

    Oh my F*cking Damn. I am completely madabout this!

    Where was the whole thing that all americans believe in "innocent until proven guilty?

    THOSE BASTARDS! how can they treat me like that! DO THEY THINK THAT ALL MEN ARE MOLESTERS? DO THEY think that all men are Rapists!??????

    I am deeply offended! All they had to say was: you think about sex too much around your therapist, so please, we'd like to switch you to a male therapist.

    And I would have gone to someone other therapist, i would have gone to someone else.

    I am really unhappy, sad, and torn up.

    .......I grew up with my mother and four sisters, I wouldn't dare mistreat a woman. I'd be shunned by my family for the rest of my life. I would sooner be beaten before I would hurt someone else.

    I'm Crying.

    Damn it.

    Does anyone believe that I am not a rapist ? Does anyone believe that I care about all people so much that I Can't hurt someone like that? Does anyone believe that I would never do anything physically bad or molestation to someone?

    Please, someone tell me they believe that I would never be a rapist and I would never touch a woman in bad ways. I would never hurt someone.

    Please, someone tell me that they think that it's possible that there is one man in this world who would never stoop that low and that I would never sexually attack someone, and that I never would molest anyone.

    Please someone have faith in me.

    Thank You,

    Quinn likes this.
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  3. Claire

    Claire Well-Known Member

    Hello Rob, have you thought that the problem might have been your therapists rather than yours? I mean it maybe a problem she had with you rather than the other way around, maybe SHE felt uncomfortable for her own reasons. Her issue in other words.

    I understand that its got to hurt and no, I dont think all men are rapists. I do think there's a lot of madness going on in the world in general with this kind of thing though. Thinking all men are automatically a threat to children and/or women is insane.
  4. Rob T.

    Rob T. Active Member

    Thank You Claire.

    I really appreciate you saying that to me. I just couldn't beleive that this group of therapist would think that about me.

    Thank you for understanding that this event hurt me. I agree, there are a lot of people out there that do horrible things to women and children. I am not one of those people. Thank you- I never considered that the therapist I saw might have issues other than the issue I mentioned for a reason to send me to some other therapist. Thank you for believing that not all men in the world are bad. I really apreciate it.

    Thank You,

    Rob T.
  5. Lisa

    Lisa Well-Known Member

    I agree. It sounds like to me that if it was just that you thought about sex too much around your therapist, then that is more of an issue of your therapists. There are plenty of people who get addicted to sex and go to therapy, they don't get shafted. I bet they talk about sex a lot. And there's plenty of people who develop intense crushes on their therapists too, and they don't get chucked out, unless a boundary is crossed.

    Remember, often therapists go into their job because they themselves have experience in difficult issues. Just speculation, but maybe your therapist had the problem here with something relating to her past, rather than directly to you. Additionally, if a therapist feels that their feelings and their "stuff" is getting too involved then that would be seen as not a good thing for a therepeautic relationship. Hell, she may have even had feelings for you!

    Try not to make assumptions... the bottom line is if she ditched you and didn't even talk to you about it, then what sort of therapist is that? A very badly handled situation there. Trust me, therapists who handle situations badly are likely to be bad therapists. I had one, and am suffering the consequences 6 years later still.

    It sounds to me that I have no reason to think that you are some sort of threat. I take people at face value, and until I am given reason to worry, I don't. I am someone affected by sexual abuse, and I'm still not about to 'jump on the bandwagon' just because someone else suggests something about you. And I don't do that because not all men are rapists, molesters, child abusers, wife beaters.

    Just so you know!
    Quinn likes this.
  6. Rob T.

    Rob T. Active Member

    Thank You Lisa,

    [ Please pardon me, this a long post. Sorry, I didn't know a shorter way to write my response].

    It's really reassuring that you feel like I do-that the therapist and her office hadhandled my case badly.

    I mostly believe that 1) she, my former T, found out that something was wrong on her side of the situation, or that she thought that she didn't have the needed skills to help me with my issues.

    But someone admitting that they don't have what they need to do a job would be an embarassing thing to admit.

    So, [I believe], rather than take the hard way for her and admit that she couldn't handle my case and give my case a good conclusion, she decided to take the stance of: You and I can't make this relationship work, and it's Your fault, Rob.

    When I was her client I did not do or say anything out of line. But when it didn't look like I was making progress, they decided to shift me and suggest that I had unhealthy romantic views or unhealthy sexual views about my therapist.

    Um, I never said I wanted a romance or a physical relationship with my therapist. I also never wanted a romantic relationship with my therapist. I also never wanted a physical relationship with my therapist. I deeply wanted to keep her as a therapist and if I had gotten a romantic or other non-professional relationship with her would cause me to lose my therapist.

    I feel that my therapist, or [her and her group of therapists], decided that I wasn't making progress in their view. So they decided to blame me with some romantic or sexual connection which did not exist.

    Just my view, hanging a sign on me that says "he's romantically strange" or "he's sexually dangerous" and then using that to stop me from seeing a therapist is very disturbed.

    All she had to say was:" I am very skilled in therapy, but I don't have the necessary skills or tools to fix your case-If you don't mind, Please try one of these people as your therapist."

    And I would have seen someone else. No Problem. I can go along with arrangements like that.

    Regardless, thank you Lisa for believing that i'm an ok person until I prove to you otherwise. That's all I need from people. I also thank you for believing that not all men are: dangerous, violent, sexually violent, Rapists or other wise sexually warped or otherwise warped.

    It really makes me feel good to hear that people still believe that a lot of men, and maybe most men, are non-violent and would never do anything to hurt people or emotionally hurt people.

    Thank You,

  7. Claire

    Claire Well-Known Member

    Hello Rob, yes I do believe about 99% are good and 1% bad. In fact the 2 friends of mine that have been central to my healing are blokes! None of my female friends have been as good as understanding.

    I wanted to say yes it appears your therapist and her group handled your situation poorly and its going to be difficult for you with a new therapist however, if its because she didn't have the skills or wish to help you then that's got to be good, hasn't it? Maybe she's done you a favour? Dont dwell on the handling of the situation, I understand you feel wronged but that's their issue.

    If the end result is you progress more with someone else then as much as its difficult to change, you've got to go for it. Dont waste your energy on what has happened with the old one, put all your energy into you and getting yourself healed with the help of the new therapist.
  8. Lisa

    Lisa Well-Known Member

    Hey Rob,

    What Claire said! LOL

    Additionally, the person who has healed and helped me most has been a man too. He gave me faith in men, as I grew up really quite bitter towards them. Also - it's worth pointing out that despite the stereotype - woman can also be those things you listed. it's not something people immediately think about, but I think it's important that people realise this too. Men sometimes get stigmatised because there are a lot out there who are shits. But hey, nobody wants to be tarred with a brush that doesn't belong to them, all the same.

    Another point is... therapists are not always good either. I had the most unethical therapist ever when I was younger. He was the most judgemental person I have ever met. Therapists are people too.... and with that comes good and bad ones, just like good and bad men, and good and bad women (putting it very simply).

    It seems that your ex therapist sounds like, as you said, she had no idea how to handle your situation. You are better off without her, and better off using someone who can really help you. If she wasn't for you, then she was never going to help you - and perhaps you would have wasted much more time with her, and ended up in a worse state. It's important for therapists to recognise their limits and specialities. And to deal with that appropriately. If she couldn't even do that - she was never going to help you.

    Good luck with the new one.

  9. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

    Rob, I concur 100%. It's so stupid that it's beyond insane.

    I will state that "...innocent until proven guilty...." is a misnomer. It's really "...innocent unless proven guilty...." as under the first it's saying you're guilty, just you gotta prove you're not. The second, which is the correct version, is saying you're not guilty until they can prove it.

    I am facing that issue right now. I have court in....1 1/2 hour.
  10. Rob T.

    Rob T. Active Member


    This is just a quick reply,

    I plan to put longer replies here later today, but I'm rushing to work. Please pardon my quick reply today.

    Hello, Thank You Lisa, Claire and cactus jack,

    *snicker* I had to look up a word, I forgot how to spell cactus. Wake up Rob! Heh Heh.

    Thank you for helping me with this problem. I really feel glad that you understand my problem and that you understand my feelings such as my frustration and confusion towards these messed up people. Ok, my thinking they're messed up is my opinion, etc., etc.

    Thanks for helping me with my feelings about this event. It was really bothering me-a lot. I really like it that kind people like you take the time to help me and understand me when life thows me a bad curve like that.

    I'm guessing that the session has already begun, but if you don't mind me saying so-best of luck cactus jack with your court proceedings. I hope that your court case works out ok.

    Thank You Guys,

    You've been a Great help to me,

  11. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

    Yes it has and it should finish up by tommorrow.
  12. Rob T.

    Rob T. Active Member

    Cool. Hope everything goes well,

    Have a Good Day,

  13. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

    Hugs mate

    Maybe it was your therapists issue? Maybe she suffered something similar, or suffered a sexual attack. It can be intimidating to be alone in a room with some one you can't trust (why I suck at talking to therapists).

    I have found that it doesn't matter what sex the person is, as soon as a door shuts me into a room with them my anxiety levels go up *hugs* maybe thats what its like for her?

    Wh, if it is, she isn't healed enoug hto do her job *hugs* again.
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